Today’s Anthem: Hendrix!
Hopefully you are all safe and good to go after those storms. Woody and Rizz are here to get your through your day. Full, packed, jammed show today. Keep checking back on the blog to get caught up!
CHECK OUT HOW HAMMERED THIS DUDE IS….HOW FUNNY IS THIS!!!!!!
- Live Life and Party….Someone reported a Ford F-250 with 4 nude folks driving around. Well – they got drunk on Busch Light and decided to drive around naked. Awesome! In Nebraska, you can drive nude in your car…but not hammered. You’re out….
- In Michigan, a 9 year old girl was at a bank with her mother. While waiting in line she slipped the teller a note that said her mom had been drinking and she didn’t want to be driven home by her. The clerk called the authorities and a cop was called where the mom IMMEDIATELY failed sobriety test and was arrested. The girl’s father came and picked her up. The mom has five prior license suspensions. Two of them were for being crunked and driving. She was arrested and then released on $2,500 bond. She has a court appearance next week.
- A dude from Minnesota broke into a Pizza Hut and smashed in through the back door. When cops found him – he was just frying up some boneless wings. Crunkin and fryin wings. He ironically is a criminal justice major. ((FIRST OF ALL…BACKDOOR))
- A dude in New York is suing a Walgreens because he was given wart remover…instead of….EYE DROPS! GOO! That sounds awful! That’s a legit lawsuit for ya buddy!
- A study found that both men and women are cyber stalking their partners..like while they are still in a relationship. Women are more likely to monitor their others Facebook pages. However, the report also says that men are the ones who take it to the next step that make it lead to stalking and violence. Well – Woody says that STALKING is retarded…come on man. Get with it. PIECE OF ADVICE: NO CHICK IS WORTH GOING TO JAIL OVER!
- DUMBASS #1 - A dude built his wife a GINORMIS Sex And The City Style Closet. Well – it cost $175,000 for this piece of crap thing.
DUMBASS #2 - A dude won a Mini Cooper by agreeing to have the Mini Cooper logo tattooed on his wong! DUMB!
DUMBASS #3 – A 19 year old dude couldn’t find the remote that was under his bed, so he used a lighter, and his mattress went up in flames and the house burnt to the ground.
DUMBASS #4 - A dude in New Hampshire was thawing out some frozen pipes…he used as propane torch to get things loosened up. Ummm…it caught his whole building on fire….IDIOT!
DUMBASS #5 - A dude started a fire when he tried to kill bedbugs by shooting rubbing alcohol on his couch…oh by the way…he was smoking a cigarette. What a ritard.
- The Blues had a weekend of highs and lows. The high – on Friday – when they beat the Oilers 5-0. The low, came yesterday when they lost to the Flames 1-0…the shutout was the teams first in 111 games…..Also yesterday, some Blues fans are pretty shocked that the team traded Brad Boyes to the Sabres for a 2nd round draft pick. Boyes has played his last 5 seasons with the Blues and scored 106 goals with the team. The team is off today but takes on the Flames tomorrow at the Scott Trade.
- Mizzou Basketball being awful on the road continues. They lost to Kansas State 80-70 on Saturday. They travel to Nebraska on Tuesday. And SLU pushed their win streak to 3 as they beat Duquesne on Saturday. They look for their 4th straight against Dayton as they head to Ohio on Wednesday.
- Former Cardinals, Yanks, and Dodgers manager Joe Torre is expected to be announced as the executive VP of Baseball operations this week. We can expect the official announcement by the weekend. Sources say Torre will help Commissioner Bud Selig in a number of different roles.
- And finally – baseball Hall of Famer Duke Snider died over the weekend. The Duke played center field for the Brooklyn and L.A. Dodgers. His family said he had been sick for the past few months…. Duke Snyder was 84
- If you want a full recap from the Oscars…CLICK HERE…
CHECK OUT KIRK DOUGLAS! OH DEAR GOD!
- ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE…here are the RAZZIES recap!
- James Franco and Anne Hathaway were decent. They didn’t do a TERRIBLE job…but – it’s the Oscars…who cares.
- Corey Haim was not in the 2011 Death Reel. Boo Hoo.
- Charlie Sheen did an interview with 20/20 and it will be shown on Today a little bit this morning. Apparently he’s going to show up for work even though the 2 And A Half Men season has been canceled.
- Hall Pass did decent…Gnomeo And Juliet did tops..and Drive Angry did AWFUL!
LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: Brian Williams, Trey Parker & Matt Stone, Zac Brown Band
Jay Leno: Christina Appelgate, John Fulton, Michael Franti
Jimmy Kimmel: Bill Maher, Esperanza Spalding
Craig Ferguson: Isaac Mizrahi, Patton Oswalt
Jimmy Fallon: Topher Grace, Jim Gaffigan, Glasser
Carson Daly: Nate Corddry, Troupe Vertigo, Off! (R 2/3/11)
Conan O’Brien: Marisa Tomei, Harland Williams, Fitz & the Tantrums
Lopez Tonight: Owen Wilson, Aly Michalka, Terry Fator
Actor Charles Durning is 88.
Actor Gavin MacLeod is 80.
Actor-director-dancer Tommy Tune is 72.
Actress Kelly Bishop (Gilmore Girls) is 67.
Actress Stephanie Beacham (Beverly Hills, 90210, The Colbys) is 64.
Actress Bernadette Peters is 63.
Actress Mercedes Ruehl is 63.
Comedian Gilbert Gottfried is 56.
Actor John Turturro is 54.
Singer Cindy Wilson of The B-52’s is 54.
Actor Robert Sean Leonard is 42.
Singer Pat Monahan of Train is 42.
Actress Ali Larter is 35.
Singer Jason Aldean is 34.
Dominica Leoni – 31 – as the ole saying goes today’s hooker for hire has allowed many a-hog through the dog door in 286 fine films including
- Anal Kinksters
- Bunghole Harlots
- Deadmen Don’t Wear Rubbers
- One In The Pink, One in The Stink
- The Backdoors Of Prague
- Glazed And Confused
– Butt Plumbers Vol. 5
- Butta Bang
- Buttwoman V Buttwoman
- Up the Wazoo
TUESDAY: There is a girl in Michigan who found her mom on that website PeopleOfWalmart.com. This chicks mom’s picture, was one of the more tame pictures that have been featured on that website. Well – this gal freaks out and calls the TV station. It makes the news. Thousands of people saw the picture. Why call the news? It says on the webpage, “If you want your picture taken down…just email us and we’ll take it down…” In her DEE-fense….some hoosiers just can’t reads goods neither. Check out the picture…HAHA! Denim trench coat? WTF!
WEDNESDAY: 2 men in Pennsylvania were arrested after they stole hundreds of dollars of Slim Jim’s to fund a road trip. They said that they were traveling from Pennsylvania to West Virgina to help a relative with a car problem. Wait – what the hell were you gonna do with the Slim Jim’s? Set up a Slim-Jim stand?! That doesn’t make any sense. Regardless – these hooshe’s were arrested.
THURSDAY: A cop pulled over a dude who was suspected of DUI. He was mega crunked up so they took him down to the station. So when he got there – he asked the cops if he could use the restroom. When he came out of the bathroom – he had something shoved in his mouth. What was it? His poo. Literally…his…POO.
FRIDAY: In North Carolina, a man suffered a head injury after he was tossed from a moving vehicle over the weekend. Cops say Timothy Lee Walker hit his head on the asphalt and was found lying in the street bleeding when they arrived. Cops asked the driver of the SUV how the accident happen and she went on to tell cops that Walker was holding down a mattress on the roof. She said when she took a turn to hard, the mattress fell off and Walker went with it. He was airlifted to the hospital and no word has come out how he’s doing but…wasn’t looking good. No charges were filed but cops are still looking into it.
CLUE #1 – IT HAS A HANDLE
- BBQ PIT HANDLE
THE DOGHOUSE: ((WHAT IS YOUR GUY OR LADIES GROSSEST HABIT??))
- GF eats her boogers
– Husband picks his athletes foot
– Boyfriend cups his farts
– Husbands chews skins off of his toes
- A dude rolls his boogers into balls and throws them on ground
– A guys wife wipes her ass and throws it into the trashcan
TOP TEN GROSS HABITS ACCORDING TO WOMEN
10. Talking With Mouth Full
9. Living In Squallier
8. Peeing On Toilet Seat
6. Public Scratching
5. Stink Bombs
4. Leaving Beard Shaving On Sink
2. Pick N Flick
1. Clipping Toenails in Living Room