MONDAY SHOW BLOG (3/28/2011)

Today’s Anthem: IT’S THE TARD ANTHEM!

WTF! Metromix changed their who “bracket” of Mic Madness….Why change it?  Are they scared of the WAR Mafia?!  This is ridiculous! WE ARE GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS! THIS IS INSANE!

LUCKY! A DUDE WAS SORTING THROUGH SOME OLD RECEIPTS AND HE FOUND A LOTTERY TICKET THAT HE BOUGHT LAST YEAR…JUST SHORT OF A YEAR AGO…HE DECIDED “HELL, BEFORE I THROW THIS AWAY I’M GONNA CHECK OUT THE NUMBERS…”  IT WAS A $9 MILLION DOLLAR WINNER!  DUDE CASHED IT IN JUST DAYS BEFORE IT EXPIRED!  LUCKY!  TAKE A TREASURE BATH!!!!

DONNIE’S WEEK IN RAGE VIDEO:

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Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • A Radio Shack in Montana is offering a very special deal if you buy Dish Network from them.  With every new customer that purchases Dish Network…you getcha self a gun!  That’s right! Either a pistol or a shotgun is being offered to new customers.  And..in case you don’t qualify for the gun – you get a $50 giftcard to Pizza Hut!
  • Another teacher busted for Porn.  It’s a broad in Canada who has starred in a title called, “Serial Abusers 2.”  A student asked for her autograph and then posted a picture of her on Facebook.  He got suspended and she got put on leave while they decide if they are going to fire her.  Check out this picture ^^^^^

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  • The NCAA Final Four is now set.  After beating UNC yesterday – Kentucky moves into the Final four to take on UCONN while it’s the battle of the high seeds on the other side while Butler looks to take on PLAY IN GAME WINNER VCU who beat No. 1 seeded Kansas.  As for the President’s bracket?  He’s out…no teams in the Final Four. And… In case your wondering….1 person….out of the 5.9 million people who submitted a bracket to ESPN.com had picked these four teams in the Final Four.
  • Another real quick college basketball note….Missouri State head coach Cuonzo Martin makes the jump to the SEC to replace Bruce Pearl as Tennessee’s head coach.  Also…Front runner for the Mizzou job seems to be Purdue’s coach Matt Painter.
  • Well, this is definitely a reason why an NFL lockout might be a good thing.  Sure, we’ll all be bored to death on Sundays . . . but a LOT of a-holes might stop hitting their wives. According to a new study by the U.S. National Institute of Health, when NFL teams lose games they were supposed to win . . . it leads to domestic violence. Six teams were looked at. . . Carolina, Detroit, New England, Denver, Kansas City, and Tennessee . . . And what was found is that after a team lost in an UPSET, domestic violence rose 10% in its city within the three hours after the game. Here’s an example… if the Patriots lost a game they were supposed to win, the domestic violence rate in Boston jumped 10%.  If the Patriots WON their game, or lost a game where they weren’t favored, domestic violence rates didn’t jump at all. It was even worse when a team was upset by a RIVAL.  In those cases, the domestic violence rates jumped 20%. Oh – and the whole domestic violence increasing during Super Bowl…completely retarded.  It’s just a myth.
  • And finally…..With the season coming to a close….The Blues beat the Wild up in Minnesota 6-3 on Saturday. The team is off today…but on Tuesday, the two teams will meet again here at the Scott Trade.  Game is at 7pm on Fox Sports Midwest.

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  • What a stupid hooker.  Lindsay Lohan is dropping the last name Lohan and now wants to just be known as “Lindsay.” She wants to get rid of all the negative connotation that the name “Lohan” holds.  She is comparing it to Oprah and Beyonce….COME ON!
  • This sounds just like sour grapes but the ballerina who did the “stand in” work for Natalie Portman in the Black Swan…guess what Natalie is…she’s an ACTRESS…guess what you got paid for…ACTing as her dance double.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER?!  WHAT IS SHE EXPECTING?!
  • First Comedy Awards was held over the weekend….Modern Family was voted as best sitcom.
  • Duff from Guns N’ Roses says he becomes, “Road Gay” when he’s on tour.  He says that when he’s on the road and there is no women on the road…your guitarist may become kind of sexy….Well they don’t bang….it’s just..ya know. On related GNR news.  On Bestbuy.com…you can buy the Chinese Democracy album for $1.99.
  • The broad from Teen Mom named Janelle beat the BEJESUS out of some chick over the weekend.  The victim is pressing charges and Janelle was arrested.
  • Matt Damon is gay.  Or at least he’s acting like it in the new Liberace movie.  He’s kissin’ Michael Douglas in the new film.
  • The GMA glass that Chris Brown broke took 3 dudes 5 hours to replace.  The glass was $500 bucks and labor was at around $1,500.

LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: Jack Hanna, Danny McBride
Jay Leno: Russell Brand, Lorraine Nicholson, Los Lonely Boys
Jimmy Kimmel: Sharon Osbourne, Bruno Tonioli, the Sounds
Craig Ferguson: Bob Geldof, Far East Movement
Jimmy Fallon: David Schwimmer, Jeff Musial, Brock Lesnar, Vanilla Fudge
Carson Daly: David O. Russell, Bouncing Cats, Two Door Cinema Club (R 2/17/11)
Conan O’Brien: Jake Gyllenhaal, Randy Jackson, Little Big Town
Lopez Tonight: Bethenny Frankel, D.L. Hughley, Seether

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
Stephanie Gaga is 25
Julia Stiles is 30
Kate Gosselin is 35
Vince Vaughn is 41
Conchouta Ferrell is 68
Reba McEntire is 58
Shanna Moakler is 36
Dianne Wiest is 63

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April Flowers – 33  – handled more wood than the Cardinals bat boys in 298 fine films including:
- Third Eye
- Clam Smackers
- Wanna See Me Pee?
- Down The Hatch
- Saturday Night Beaver
- The Ass Cream Man
- Barnyard Babes
- Dead Men Don’t Wear Rubbers
- BJ Adventures of Dr. Fellatio
- Hot Bods and Tailpipe Vol 16
- Lesbian Pee Party

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TUESDAY: A woman has filed a police report after her 15-foot (QUOTE)”expert dancing pole” was stolen from her home.  The 19 year old told cops that she was packing up all her stuff after breaking up with her boyfriend – when she realized the $400 pole was missing.  The couple had broken up that day and she was getting all her ‘ish out of his house.  She said she was working for 1p-6p and when she got back to get the rest of her stuff, her X Pole Expert dancing pole was no where to be found.  Of course the ex-boyfriend is saying he went to the store and someone must of stolen it – but this thing is huge and requires to be taken apart and nothing else was missing from the home.  He claims innocence, but the girlfriend is sticking to her story claiming he is hiding the stripper pole.  Cops say there no suspects.

WEDNESDAY: A man was running from cops and crashed his truck but when he was finally caught he had a very believable excuse.  He said Dr. Phil warned him of an alien attack.  Before he left the house he ripped out the phones and the smoke detectors and swore he saw a helicopter that he promises was the aliens.  Then he didn’t stop because the lights and sirens from the cops…he thought they were from aliens.  He said he got high and then heard the warning…but…getting high had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT according to him.  Total hooshe!
THURSDAY: 49 year old Keith Gruber was at his DUI case and pissed off the judge.  Strike 1: He showed up an hour late….Strike 2: He showed up hammered.  Strike 3: Dude had an open container of Busch beer and had four more unopened in a bag.  The judge asked if he enjoyed his liquid lunch….and the guy replied, “I sure did………………..and I am sorry.”  He was sent to jail with NO bond.
FRIDAY: TODAYS HEADLINE HOOSHE COMES TO US FROM OCALA, FLORIDA where 92 year old Helen Staudinger just wanted a kiss from her 53 year old neighbor Dwight Bettner.  Dwight said he thought his elderly neighbor had a crush on him, but in honesty, he would only go over there to do neighborly stuff like take out her trash.  Well – here is when this whole thing gets REAL hoosier.  Right around noon, Dwight got into an argument with Helen when she came to his house and refused to leave.  She said, “I want a kiss before I leave.” Of course he said No and told her to leave and she did after he slammed the door in her face– but of course she was upset.  Shortly after she left, bullets started raining down on Dwight’s house (sweet Mobile Home)).  One actually flew through a window he was standing by.  When he looked out the winder (window) he saw that his 92 year old neighbor had also shot up his BRAND NEW 2001 Mitsubishi 3000GT ((the last 3000 was made in ’99)) that he “loved so much.”  The neighbor was arrested and Dwight says he’s looking to move.
LISTENERS VOTED KEITH GRUBER – THE COURTROOM CANNER AS THE HEADLINE HOOSHE OF THE WEEK!

WHATS UP GRANDMA?!

CLUE #1 – Most are made of wood and metal

GUESSES:
- Spoon
- Spatula
- Pen or Pencil
- Ruler

ANSWER:BASEBALL BAT!

THE DOGHOUSE: WORST PET NAME….. EVER?
- Ort Ort ((Short for Courtney))

- Pumpkin
- Lumpy Lump
- Pookie
- Kiss Kiss Face McGee
- Hooker
- Honey Bunny Pook’em Pie ((THE WINNER VOTED BY THE LISTENERS!))
- Sweet Teets
- Crispy Critter
- Cupcake
- Sugar Teets
- Wiener
- Pooper
- Timmy Twinkle Toes
- Kitty and Pony
- Honey Poo
- Hick-A-Saraus
- Hot Dog
- Moongoose
- Sugar Butt Cuddle Muffin
- Pickle Toes
- Strawberry Face


About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy, Epic, Funny, Radio. Bookmark the permalink.

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