TUESDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

Today’s CRAP ON CELEBS has us chatting Courtney Love’s vagina, a custody battle between Stewart and Pattinson, plus we talk about some shows bouncing off of your TV.  Plus of course, we have your CRAPPY BDAYS and your WORLD FAMOUS PORNO BDAY!

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During a gig last week, LANA DEL REY busted into a cover of NIRVANA’S “Heart-Shaped Box”. Which prompted COURTNEY LOVE to hit up Twitter and make sure everyone knows that song is about HER VAGINA. Tweeting to both Lana and, for some reason, BRYAN ADAMS, Courtney said, quote, “Bryan has anyone told Lana what heartshaped box is about?” Then, Tweeting to just Lana, she said, quote, “You do know the song is about my vagina, right?  Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back umm.” Then she added, quote, “on top of which some of the lyrics about my vagina i contributed . . . so umm next time you sing it think about my vagina will you?  Lol.” That part about the “umbilical noose” is a line from the song, and we assume Courtney is taking credit for it.
Other phrases from the song Courtney may or may not have written include, quote, “I’ve been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap.” And then there’s this:  “Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet.” And this:  “Broken hymen of ‘Your Highness’, I’m left black.” You can watch some of Lana’s “Heart-Shaped Box” performance

A custody battle is brewing between KRISTEN STEWART and ROBERT PATTINSON . . . over a DOG. Early in 2011, they adopted a mutt named Bear from a high-kill shelter in New Orleans.  And neither of them wants to give him up. A source says, quote, “Rob told Kristen he wanted Bear.  She was heartbroken . . . they adopted Bear together and she always felt that he was their little baby. “But Rob was so hurt by Kristen’s actions he decided that he wants the dog to help him get over what happened. “However, Kristen won’t give up Bear in a hurry. She wants joint custody . . . and it could get a little messy.”

ABC has decided to pull the two remaining episodes of FRED WILLARD’S improv comedy show, “Trust Us with Your Life”.  It’s a response to Fred’s arrest earlier this month, after he was caught pleasuring himself in a porno theater. Reruns of “Wipeout” will air in place of “Trust Us with Your Life”.

As you know….Showtime is ending “Weeds” ….the last episode will air on September 16th…..and Showtime has announced that it’s the end of the road for  “The Big C”…..which is getting four more one-hour episodes, which don’t have airdates yet.

In case one of you out there is wondering what RON JEREMY thinks about the presidential erection…..Goooooo! We bring you Ron Jeremy’s thoughts on the canidates. Ron actually digs MITT ROMNEY as a person.  He says, quote, “I think he means well, I think he’s a good man.  I think the fact that he’s such an amazing father proves a lot.  I give him a lot of credit.  He’s raised some good sons. “When a man is a really, really good father, that’s very important.” But Ron’s vote is going to PRESIDENT OBAMA.  He says, quote, “I think Obama’s going to win.  I like Obama.  Mitt Romney wouldn’t be bad.”

PITBULL made good on his promise and traveled to Kodiak, Alaska yesterday to make a promotional appearance at their Wal-Mart. It started as an Internet campaign in which Pitbull would visit the Wal-Mart that got the most likes on Facebook.  But some wise-ass journalist started his own campaign to make the Kodiak store, which is the most remote Wal-Mart in the country, the winner.  He succeeded.  And instead of being upset, Pitbull brought the guy along with him. His day included meeting with residents and performing at a local Coast Guard base.

There’s been some talk that “The Hobbit” will be a TRILOGY just like “The Lord of the Rings”.  Yesterday, director PETER JACKSON CONFIRMED it.  He Also added that a third movie . . . with some additional filming next year . . . was needed to fulfill his vision for “The Hobbit” and the history of Middle Earth. Peter said he’s bringing in some stuff “from the related material in the appendices of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ . . . to tell the full story of the adventures of Bilbo Baggins.” There’s no title or release date for the third movie yet, although there’s speculation that it could come out two years from now, in the summer of 2014. The first movie “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” hits theaters on December 14th.  The second one “The Hobbit: There and Back Again” comes out a year later, on December 13th, 2013.

TUESDAY TV:
NBC:  Never-ending Olympic Coverage
COMEDY CENTRAL: The season finale of TOSH.O
FOX:  MASTERCHEF is a repeat
SPIKE TV: The debut of a new show called RAT BASTARDS. A team of six battles 30-pound swamp rats that threaten the ecology, farms, and homes of the Mississippi delta.

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Wesley Snipes – 50
–Rico Rodriguez II – 14  (Manny on “Modern Family”)
–J.K. Rowling – 47  (Author of “Harry Potter” who is now RICHER THAN THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.)
–Mark Cuban – 54  (Owner of the Dallas Mavericks)
–B.J. Novak – 33  (Ryan on “The Office”)
–Dean Cain – 46  (The least exciting Superman)
–Zac Brown – 34  (He’s got a country band)
–M. Shadows – 31  (Avenged Sevenfold…Real name: Matt Sanders)


Juelz Ventura – 25 – Today’s birthday girl has done more stroking than the US Olympic Rowing Team……in 133 fine films including:
“Anally Talented”
“Wet Food Volume 3”
“Diesel Dongs Volume 21”
“Happier Endings”
“BJ Face Volume 1”
“Damn She’s a Lesbian”
“Anal Intensity”
AND what could possibly be one of the most DIGSUSTING movies ever…..“Spit and the Speculum Volume 1″

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
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