MONDAY’S DISCOUNT NEWS

Today’s DISCOUNT NEWS has us talking about a father who TURNED his daughter into when he saw her on the MOST WANTED list, a mom hacks into her kids school system, apparently guys hate doing chores (obvious?) and a pair of man boobs unite a lost father/son!

Photobucket
Last week, a 67-year-old man in Massachusetts found himself in a situation that has to be one of the WORST NIGHTMARES any parent can have. For some reason, he was checking out photos of Massachusetts’ most-wanted criminals online.  He saw a photo of an unidentified woman who’d robbed three banks. And he recognized her . . . it was his daughter, Meridith! We don’t know what went through his head, but we know he ultimately decided to TURN HER IN. So he went to the police and Meredith was arrested on Friday. Dad DID pay the $1,500 to bail her out…and then, we assume, had THE most awkward car ride home in history. She’s due back in court on the 29th to face charges for three bank robberies.  All three robberies were unarmed.

A woman in Pennsylvania, who at one time worked for the school district, used her old boss’s credentials to log onto the school’s computer system to change her daughter’s failing grade to a medical exception and her son’s 98 to a 99. She’s admitted to using the superintendent’s login information to access the system thousands of times but said she did it out of “curiosity and boredom.” When she worked for the District as a part-time secretary, it was her job to create login and passwords for several district employees. She’s been charged with unlawful use of a computer and computer trespassing. Both charges are third-degree felonies. (My mother would have NEVER done that for me.)

There’s more pressure than ever for dads to be involved in their kids’ lives. And it turns out dads LOVE going to their kids’ sporting events.  Because it doesn’t just bring them closer to their children . . . it also gets them out of doing CHORES. A new study by UCLA found that dads today are more involved in their kids’ lives and their family lives than dads in previous generations . . . but that hasn’t changed the gender split on housework.  Women still handle the bulk of it…..as they should. And the researchers found that while women are unhappy about the split in chores, they’re SO HAPPY to see their husbands being so involved with their kids that it makes up or it. Quote, “The fathers we studied are finding ways to create a new ideal of fatherhood, but they’re not creating a new ideal with their partners.” Translation:  It’s a lot more fun to contribute to the family by throwing around a baseball than mopping the floor.

Back on July 3rd, this dude over in England….his name is Adrian……and he was watching a TV show called “Embarrassing Bodies”.  A 20-year-old named kid named Haydn was on the show, talking about his MAN BOOBS. And as he talked, Adrian noticed a resemblance between Haydn and himself.  That’s when he realized he might just be watching his LONG-LOST SON. Adrian and Haydn’s mom split up when she was pregnant two decades ago.  Adrian says he’s wanted to track down his child ever since, but he’s had nothing but dead ends. Anyway, after the show, he looked up Haydn on Facebook and sent him a message saying, quote, “I think I might know your mother.”  Haydn responded, quote, “I think you might be my biological dad.” They started talking, and now they have plans to meet up later this week. Also, in case you’re wondering, Haydn had surgery to reduce his man boobs, so when they meet, he’ll be man boob-free.

Yesterday morning, a gunman opened fire at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin.  He killed six people, injured three critically, and it’s been classified as an act of domestic terrorism. One of three wounded was an officer who reported to the scene.  The gunman ambushed and shot him, but the officer returned fire and killed the gunman.  He’s been hospitalized and is expected to survive. The names of the victims and the shooter haven’t officially been released, and the FBI will be releasing more information today.  But some details and rumors are leaking out. Supposedly the shooter was bald, white, in his 40s, was sporting a 9/11 tattoo on one arm, and might be a white supremacist.  But as of late last night, nothing’s been confirmed. There are about 700,000 Sikhs in the U.S. and 30 million worldwide.  Sikhism originated in south Asia and has more than 19 million members in India. Sikhs share some traditions of other Indian religions like Hinduism and Buddhism, including the idea of karma.  But Sikhs are NOT Muslim, and NOT from the Middle East.

NASA’s MARS science rover Curiosity landed on Mars shortly after midnight (our time) and begins a two-year mission to look for evidence that the planet once had the necessary elements for life. Mission controllers burst into applause and cheered when they got signals back confirming that the rover had survived the landing on Mars. Then, just moments later, it beamed back its first three images. The car-sized, nuclear-powered rover, described as the first full-fledged mobile science lab sent to another planet, took more than eight months to get to Mars after being launched last November.

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s