What it do? It’s Patrico and it’s Monday. Holy hell – this weekend was MEGA short. Not going to lie – I could have used an extra 24 hours of sleep. But – it’s Monday and we are back on the grind. Mark your calendars for Thursday’s lunch meeting @ Manchester Hotshots and come eat some grub with the show.
HEY! Don’t Forget to get yourself a mother effin Ninja Sticker
If you want a NINJA sticker don’t forget to send a SELF ADDRESSED STAMPED envelope to the address listed below and I will send you out a sticker:
NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven”t heard it – it’s news to you!
– Isn’t this ironic. A Walmart truck caught on fire the other day … carrying fire extinguishers.
– So a dude in France swam the English Channel in 13 hours. Congrats right? Well – the dude had no arms and no legs. Foreal. Check out the photo of this turd.
– A woman wents nuts after he neighbors dog crapped on her lawn. She went and flung the poop at the neighbors house and then uprooted the sign that said, “Pick up your dog crap” and put it in his yard! Too funny! PICK UP THE CRAP YOU LAZY ASS! ((LISTEN TO THE 9AM PODCAST TO HEAR ALL YOUR DOG CRAP STORIES))
And Peyton beats Eli in Manning Bowl as the Giants fall to the Colts
Other teams picking up the victory: Oakland, Chicago, Denver and Cinci all get home wins. Atlanta and Green Bay dominate, Road wins by K.C, Tampa, Philly and Houston gets the W in OT
– Lindsay Lohan failed a drug test last week. Shocking right? I can’t believe it! Stop the presses! You stupid bitch…you finally admitted a problem but you are still a nightmare!
– Paris Hilton will get a year of probation for having some coke on her a couple months ago.
– Randy Quaid (Cousin Eddie) have been arrested AGAIN! They were living in a guest house of a property they used to own without letting the owners know.HERE
– So the Octomom is being offered $500,000 to do a Vivid sex tape. She REALLLLY needs the cash bad! She’s about to lose her house. All she would have to do is shoot one scene for one hour. Thats it! Check out the full letter click
– Russell Brandt went to jail because he shoved a paparazzi guy. The guy was trying to take upskirt pics of his lady (Katy Perry) so he punched him. He was placed under citizen’s arrest. Really?! CITIZEN’S ARREST?! WOULD YOU STOP FOR A CITIZEN’S ARREST?!
NBC: ALL NEW CHUCK
ABC: ALL NEW DANCING WITH THE STARS
FOX: NEW HOUSE
Kristen Johnston is 43
Nuna Bettencourt is 44
Gary Cole is 54
Guy Lafleur is 59
Sophia Loren is 76
Gunnar and Matthew Nelson is 43
LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: Bill Clinton, Chromeo
Jay Leno: Justin Timberlake, Jane Lynch, OK Go
Jimmy Kimmel: Courteney Cox, Bruno Tonioli, Phoenix
Craig Ferguson: Mindy Kaling, Steve Hartman
Jimmy Fallon: Julianna Margulies, Cory Monteith, Superchunk
Carson Daly: Kristen Schaal, B.o.B, Chef Wolvesmouth, the Walkmen
Lopez Tonight: Eric Dane, Cloris Leachman, Daughtry
Laura Palmer – 41 – Today’s birthday girl has done more strokin’ than Dick Clark in 181 fine films including:
– Finger Sluts 3
– Six Degrees of Penetration
– Ben Dover and Barbie
– The Art Of Spanking
– Homo Erectus
– Horny Henry’s Euro Adventure
– Dumb Ass
– The Hunchback of Nasty Dames
GUESS THE STATE:
This dude called the cops after he went outside to get in his car and discovered it was missing. He told thjem he hadn’t seen it since he parked it the night before. The cops went to his place to get the report and noticed his car. The theif happened to be driving the car down the street at the exact moment blasting music. The cops stopped the robber and said a friend lent him the car. Which ended up being a lie. What state? Pennsylvania!
Coming out of Zellwood Florida….This guy got pulled over – who’s name is George Bush (no relation). He pulled over from the cops and then when the cops got out – he took off. The dude took off and shortly crashed into a powerline poll. When he got out – the cops were shocked – he only had one leg. Believe it or not….this dude HOPPED his way away from the cops and is no where to be found. He got away from POLICE with only one leg. Are you foreal?! YES! THAT IS TOTALLY HOOOOOOOSHE TASTIC!
THAT SUCKS STORIES!
– So this dude needed to find out who his mom was. He was having health problems. He needed to find out her health history. So – he got the information. So who was she? A BEARDED WOMAN! AHHHH! CHECK OUT THIS PHOTO!!!!! MEGA SICK! They are foreal going to Maury to check if they are foreals mother and son.
– How about another one. A chick was looking to see who her father was. Well…. she found him. Or should I say: Found HER. Yup – her daddy is a tranny!
WEEKEND SUCKS WINNER: Kenny – he ran over his own dog and killed it!