Today’s Anthem: Sir Thomas Tiberius West

Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • There’s a 31 year old dude from Collinsville who was caught stealing little girls underwear.  This happened on Tuesday and believe it or not – it wasn’t the first time he did it.  Now they are questioning some questionable images on his cell phone.  Mega creepy.
  • Remember Carolee Bildsten from Gurnee, IL?  She dined and dashed at a Joe’s Crab Shack and when she didn’t return cops came to her door and she attacked them with a dildo?  It was a headline hooshe we had back in December.  Well – we have a few more details about the attack.  Carolee made a deal with the manager that she was going to go home, get the money, and then come back.  She began walking home.  It should be noted that Carolee had a broken foot.  Was she drunk? YOU BET!  She tripped and fell and laid in the grass on the side of the road.  Then a police officer saw her and came to help.  He took her home and even helped her upstairs to grab the money from her dresser.  When she went to get it and that’s when she grabbed the sex toy and attacked him with it.  Here is the quote of the day.  She says, “I got scared. And the only thing in my sock drawer besides my socks and my cash was a dildo.” She claims that a story in the newspaper earlier in the week about a cop convicted of sexual assault got her nervous and that’s why she attacked him.  Needless to say – no one is buying it.  On a related note: She did send a money order over to the Joe’s Crabshack the next day.
  • A patient in a hospital in West Virgina was sleeping.  Woke up to find a stuffed animal monkey and a bandaged teddy bear, notes around the room about castration – and cotton balls by his junk!  Well he freaked out and called the nurses in.  Well security found a guy dressed as a doctor carrying around a bottle of ketchup and x rays of animals.  He didn’t do anything to the guy but – he was MEGA creepy and quite possibly psycho.
  • A dude in North Dakota was in jail and was mega upset when he was denied to talked to the prison priest.  He ate another inmates glasses.  Lenses and frames!  He may be charged with criminal mischief now…
  • There’s a Canadian dude who went on a vacation and left his wife at home, but he took his sex dolls. Not like blow up dolls, but those REAL sex dolls.  This guy says his wife doesn’t mind that he is traveling around with these fake woman.  He is a father of TWO!   He’s taken these things sky diving, horseback riding, and even on the back of a motorcycle!  GOO!  Who’s the biggest loser?  Him….the wife….or the dolls?!
  • A bill that recently passed in the state of Missouri is causing a ton of controversy right now.  The bill says that all recipients of welfare must be drug tested and if the tests are failed – they will be suspended a year without benefits.  But, now people are saying that this could hurt the FAMILIES of those on welfare and wouldn’t help anyone kick the habit.  An ex drug addict had this to say about the drug testing, “Don’t do drugs.  If you have a family to support, don’t do drugs.  Your money is going towards drugs.  Just don’t do it”   The law currently sits in review at the State Senate.
  • The Blues make it four in a row….4 losses in a row that is.  The Flames beat them in Calgary last night 4-1.  The NHL All-Star break is officially underway for the Blues.  David Backes, making his first NHL All-Star appearance, is the lone blue heading to Carolina for the game.
  • Hoosiers and Riz, listen up.  NASCAR announced that it’s doing away with the old scoring system and replacing it with something more straight forward.  Here’s how it works.  If you win a race you get 43 points.  If you come in second you get 42 points. The points then decrease by one all the way to if you lose – you get one point. There are also bonus points. Automatic three bonus points for the winner, one bonus point for every driver who leads a lap and one bonus point for the driver who leads the MOST laps. This is the first change in the point system since 1975.
  • This is something kind of cool.  NFL commissioner Roger Godell has said that if there is ANY work stoppage in the upcoming season because of a possible lock down….he will take a pay cut.  And it’s actually a MEGA pay cut.  Right now dude makes around $10 million a year.  If the work stoppage happens?  He says he will cut his salary down to $1.00.  The NFL Chief Negotiator said that he would do the same if there was a work stoppage after the collective bargaining agreement expires.
  • The body of Ed Reed’s brother was found in Louisiana yesterday.


  • The back and forth between the Glee and Kings Of Leon fellas is heating up.  Kings of Leon said they just really didn’t want to sell out.  The guy from Glee said, “F You Kings of Leon…they are self centered A-holes.”  The drummer from Kings of Leon basically said, “take your bra off and get a manicure and deal with it…”  Well the dude from Glee is gay…and he’s saying that the drummer from K.O.L is homophobic.  COME ON!
  • Now people are bitching that there weren’t enough minorities represented in the Oscars.  Really?  Come on.  It’s based on talent people…not color of the skin.  Come on.
  • MTV is saying that they are NOT going to cancel the show Glee.
  • NBC said that Will Ferrel is going to join the cast of The Office this season.  He’ll be on 4 episodes.
  • Lady Gaga is getting her own fragrance. She said she wants to to smell like blood and semen.  She says, “that’s just who I am.”
  • John Cleese (from Monty Python) is banging a 41 year old broad.  He’s 70+.  He just had to put out a ton of cash to his ex wife.  She just scooped up $20 million!  WOW!
  • Vanilla Ice is doing JUST fine.  He’s not broke…he’s actually got mega cash.
David Letterman: Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman (R 12/17/10)
Jay Leno: Kathy Bates, Brad Womack, Billy Currington
Jimmy Kimmel: Ryan Seacrest, Melissa Leo, Cage the Elephant
Craig Ferguson: Adam Goldberg, Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Jimmy Fallon: Donald Trump, Bobby Moynihan, Neon Trees (R 1/13/11)
Carson Daly: Lena Dunham, Boi-1da, Fitz & the Tantrums (R 12/17/10)
Conan O’Brien: Jane Lynch, Joe Buck, the Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger
Lopez Tonight: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Guy Fieri, San Francisco Giant Brian Wilson

Actor James Cromwell is 71.
TV commentator Keith Olbermann is 52.
Actress Bridget Fonda is 47.
Actor Alan Cumming is 46.
Singer Mike Patton (Faith No More) is 43.
Actor Patton Oswald is 42.
Rapper Tricky is 43.
Rapper Lil Jon is 40
Actor Josh Randall (Ed) is 39. 

Lil Ass – 36  – this hooker has been keepin it street in 132 fine films including:
– Black and Nasty
– Bumpin’ Boos
– Black Butt Hunter
– Da Ho’s Gotta Have It
– Black Foot Patrol
– Chocolate Gazongas
– Black Knockers Vol 40
– Strap On Soul Sisters
– Black On Black Crime
– Blacker The Meat, Sweeter The Honies
– Dat Bitch A Ho
– Blackyard Boogie 4
– Coco Cream Pie
– Ebony Ho’ Down: Rumble In The Jungle
– Gentlemen Prefer Blacks
– Anal Splatz

In Sweden, cops arrested a 45 year old man who asked to use the bathroom.  Well the employee said that the bathroom was for staff only.  That’s when the men dropped his pants, popped a squat, and then started dropping a deuce on the floor right in front of the employee. As he was pooing he was yelling insults at the girl.  When he pinched off, he left his dirty undies, and then stole some candy and bounced out.  Totally hooshe! Big time!

Check out this nightmare.  This dude is obsessed with Selena Gomez.  This is MEGA creepy.  GOO!

There are a TON of crazy videos…Check these out..

And finally….


– What is your biggest sexual fantasy? A threesome
– Ever O.K to pay for sex?
43% said NO
– Would change the size of your member if you could?
43% said no! ((Only 1% said it’s too big…who the hell said that?!))
– Would you be offended if a gal faked an orgasm?
51% said they would be because they failed
– Have you ever had a 3some? 63% of dudes have not had one but want one
– What cup size do you think is the best?
C Cup was the top answer!

Here is our slut formula.  Take your age…minus the age you lost your virginity plus 7….that’s you slut number.  For example:
Tammy is 25 and lost her virginity at 18.
25-18 = 7 + 7 = 14 or less guys banged….no slut…more than 14….you are a whore!

Check out the 8AM podcast for our SEXY TIME FUN FACTS POLL QUESTION  – Would you prefer a sex partner with more or less experience?!?!-




QUESTION: In the 1980’s Max Headroom was the spokesman for what product?


CALL HIM: 573-880-3499

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
This entry was posted in Comedy, Epic, Funny, Radio. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s