FRIDAY SHOW BLOG (2/18/2011)

Today’s Anthem: Scott Stapp sings like an ANGEL!

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Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • Some wackos feel like the government is behind the controlling of the weather. Well – guess what the government says…You’re nuts. What the hell?! Oh O.K. – this led us to start talking about how everything turns into a god damn conspiracy. Seriously? COME ON NOW! WTF! People, relax.
  • A woman was traveling and brought along her rare hairless cat. He was in the cargo. Well – needless to say the cat died. She was offered a bunch of cash and reimbursement at first. Well then the airlines said that it’s cargo reimbursement policy is to pay for the plane ticket, and give an additional $50 bucks
  • A family had a hole in the middle of their home that they would ash their cigarettes in. Well – guess what else happened, they almost burned the entire home down. What a bunch of idiots.
  • A guy was trying to get rid of his wife – so what did he do? When she left the country, he reported her to the immigration office he worked at as a terrorist. Well – IT WORKED! For three years! Dude finally got caught when he was up for promotion at his job and they asked him if his wife was a terrorist. What do you guys think?!
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  • Some more info was released on the Miguel Cabrera DUI yesterday. According the police report Cabrera was found in his car, on the side of the road, with the engine smoking. When cops pulled up he said, QUOTE “Do you know who I am? You don’t know anything about my problems” And then…took a huge swig from a whiskey bottle. Check out his mug shot I’ll put on the blog. Dude looks REALLY happy to be getting arrested.
  • The Blues are in Buffalo tonight to take on the Sabres. A little bit of bad news for them as they travel – Goalie Jaroslav Halak was placed on Injured Reserve yesterday because of a hand injury. After their game tonight in New York, the Blues come back home to take on the Ducks on Saturday.
  • Two weeks before a potential lockout, the NFL and its players’ union agreed yesterday to mediation. Federal mediation will oversee talks in Washington starting today as they look to reach a new collective bargaining agreement. Negotiations broke down last week, leading to the cancellation of a planned meeting well ahead of the expiration of the current collective bargaining agreement on March 3rd.
  • For those who care – the NBA All-Star game is this weekend. All you really need to know is that the dunk competition is Saturday and the actual game is Sunday night.
  • And finally – In college basketball – the #20 Mizzou Tigers head to Iowa State on Saturday while SLU is at home and takes on Charlotte.

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  • We’re starting to get some medical explanation from Serene Branson’s mega fail at the Grammy’s. Medical? She failed. She failed big time. That is what happened. Well was is stroke? No. Doctors think she had a migraine that effected her speech.
  • Ozzy Osborne says he still feels the effects of LSD. He hasn’t taken it since his Sabbath days but he says he still feels the “wobbles.”
  • Rod Stewart is a father again. His 39 year old wife just gave birth. Riz says, “It’s the least wrinkled thing to go in or out of her vag in years….” GETTING IT!
  • Christian Slater is now 5 years sober. And now he is reaching out to Lindsay Lohan. Neato.
  • Lady Gaga Media Tour of Annoying 2011. She was on Good Morning America wearing a Latex Condom inspired outfit. Are you kidding me? WTF is wrong with this chick. Check out this video. Hopefully it doesn’t lead you to punch your screen and break it. How funny is it when she is talking about her “rebirth” from the egg-like womb. Stop talking. Right now.

    PLEASE DEAR GOD RON BURGUNDY HELP US OUT!

IN THEATERS THIS WEEKEND:

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son Martin Lawrence must go undercover again, this time with his teenage stepson, at an all-girls’ school to catch a murderer.

I Am Number Four

I Am Number Four A mysterious young fugitive with extraordinary powers must stay one step ahead of ruthless enemies sent to destroy him.

Unknown

Unknown Liam Neeson stars as a doctor who wakes up from a car accident to discover that another man has assumed his identity.

LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: David Spade, Andy Kindler, Lukas Nelson and Promise of the Real
Jay Leno: Mark Harmon, Dwight Howard, 30 Seconds to Mars
Jimmy Kimmel: Adam Sandler, Bobby Flay, Ke$ha (R 2/9/11)
Craig Ferguson: D.J. Qualls, Lily Tomlin
Jimmy Fallon: Ann Curry, Patrice O’Neal, Raekwon featuring Ghostface Killah and Jim Jones
Carson Daly: Patton Oswalt, Simon Dumont, Fitz & the Tantrums

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
Dr. Dre is 46
Julian Michaels is 37
Rhianna is 23
Cindy Crawford is 45
Charles Barkley is 48
Molly Ringwald is 43
Vanna White is 54
John Travolta is 57
Denis Deyoung is 64
Jeff Daniels is 56
Sidney Portier is 84
Yoko Ono is 78
Benecio Del Toro is 44
Justine Bateman is 45

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Sophie Evans – 35 – this birthday hooker has looser slots than the Casino Queen after all her hard work in 245 fine films including:
– Thunder Balls
– Anal Hazard 2
– Fast Times
– Boobs A Poppin
– Firebox
– Lex the Implaer
– Sperm Bitches
– Beverly Hills 9021-HO
– Worldwide Sex: Sexo In Barcelona
– Budapest Bootyfest

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Cops busted 46 year old Steve Urbanski for doing something…I didn’t think was possible! He was driving and was mega crunked and crashed his car into a snow bank. Why? He said he was trying to MOW the sidewalk. Wait….what? Mow? The cops arrested him for DUI. He was not thanked for his community service. I’m still trying to figure out how you can MOW something in the snow….

FRIDAY FAIL STORIES

– Remember the famous episode of Seinfeld where Kramer and Newman try to drive cans from New York to Michigan to get 10 cents a can? Well – some folks did that over in Maine. Well guess – it’s mega illegal. They scammed about $10,000. SCAM FAIL.
– A 27 year old dude try to blow up his girlfriends apartment by cutting the gas line to the stove. One problem….it was an electric stove.
– A dude was at a bar and got tricked into walking outside right into a robbery. When he tried to run – he fell…why? Because he was sagging and his pants fell down. Guess what – you look retarded. Running from a STABBING FAIL!
Troops in Nicaragua invaded Costa Rica and planted a Nicaraguan flag. Well the Costa Ricans were pissed. Well – this general says that it’s Google’s fault. Well Google map said “Our bad..” we got it wrong. FAIL!
– Two brothers in their late 40’s were pretending they were cops. They both had Crown Victorians and had them pimped out just like cop cars. Well – one of the brothers tried pulling someone over. That driver got suspicious and called the real cops. Well fake cops bust his ass and he tries to say that he worked for the county. They said…no you don’t…WE DO. So, he was totally busted. While they were arresting fake cop #1, fake cop brother #2 pulled up sirens a-blaring. He planned on helping out. And then realized it was his brother that got arrested. He was booked too. IDIOT!


DEAD TO REAL OR COMPLETELY RETARDED:
The right testicle is more likely to hang lower than the left: COMPLETELY RETARDED
Americans buy more frozen pizza than fresh baked pizzas: COMPLETELY RETARDED
The most common misspelled U.S City is Albuquerque: COMPLETELY RETARDED (( It’s Pittsburgh))
Sea World was originally supposed to be an underground restaurant: DEAD TO REAL
Texting is the most common use for a cell phone: COMPLETELY RETARDED
More texts are send every day then the amount of postal mail sent in an entire year: DEAD TO REAL
Staying up late will cuse you to lose weight, because your body burns more calories than if you were sleeping: COMPLETELY RETARDED!
Abe Lincoln used to store reminders and important papers in his hate: DEAD TO REAL
George Washington had to borrow money to attend his inauguration as a President: DEAD TO REAL
The average man produces less than a gallon of semen during his life: COMPLETELY RETARDED

POINTLESS POLL: HAVE YOU EVER MESSED WITH SOMEONE’S FOOD?
– A guy was hitting on his wife…so he put ass hair on his hamburger. Gross.
– A guy used to put dirt, trash, flush toilet water on it, and raw chicken juice on a PIZZA! GROSS!
– A gal picked the crap out of her shoe and put it in their food
– A woman was convinced by her sister to put milk in her lemonade
– A guy cooked a burger directly on the charcoal. ((Not on the rack…on the ACTUAL CHARCOAL!))
– A dude who worked at a fast food joint…put pubes on a burger and gave it to customers who ordered late.
– A guy put steak tips in the urinal and then cooked them
WOODY: Never messed with food but had guys that worked with him that would
RIZZ: Never touched food. He doesn’t want it done to him so he didn’t do it to them…
PATRICO: Put liquid soap in the Gumbo pot and left it in when the chef cooked Gumbo.

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy, Epic, Funny, Radio. Bookmark the permalink.

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