Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • Ever since 2003 – there has been one state that has been the Meth capitol of the U.S.  It was known for selling, producing, and arrests when it comes to meth.  However…that’s over.  Tennessee has had the moth cases when dealing with meth…but oh don’t fear…We’re a close 2nd.  Tennessee had a 41% increase in meth busts.  Crazy right?
  • A dude from Quincy, IL got his tounge pierced at the mall.  First off – why at the mall?  Well – the 27 year old…wait – 27?! Anyway…he claimed that the pain was so much that he passed out on his way home and drove his truck directly into a house.  What an idiot!
  • Here’s a story for you hippie tree huggers.  First they wanted to do with circumcisions.  Now in San Francisco- they are complaining about water usage.  I mean – it’s bad.  Low-Flo toilets and showers were installed in homes just to save water.  Well – it hasn’t been so great.  Portions of the city are smelling like hot, smelly…POO.  So now – they are pouring $14 million dollars in the sewers to eliminate the smell….and….the hippies are pissed again.  Get over it.  Nothing make’s these hippie a-holes happy.  Come on.  It’s getting ridiculous. Rizz says, “CHOKE ON YOUR GRANOLA!” FUN FACT….IT IS NOT ILLEGAL TO PEE AND POOP ON THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO.
  • In India, a flight was about to take off….then…the flight announcement came on from the stewardess.  “Your captain for today is…(insert woman’s name)”  A dude flipped out.  He screamed, “SHE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF A HOUSE…HOW CAN SHE TAKE OF A PLANE?!” The plane actually had to be turned around and this dude had to be removed….it delayed the flight for over an hour. WOODY MAKES A GOOD POINT.  HE SAYS WHEN HE GETS ON THE PLANE AND THERE IS A FEMALE PILOT…HE GETS A LITTLE NERVOUS.  NOT ENOUGH TO GET OFF THE FLIGHT…BUT MAYBE JUST A LITTLE MORE ALERT DURING THE FLIGHT
  • More bad news for the Cardinals….at least in the short term….yesterday in his Spring Training debut, Chris Carpenter injured his hamstring and left in the 3rd inning.  Word from the team is that it’s just a sprain and isn’t anything to worry about – but seriously…can the team catch a break?
  • The Blues went 111 games without getting shutout….. to getting shutout in back to back games against the Flames.  Last night the team lost 6-0 and got worked over by Calgary.  They are off today and play the Washington Crapitals on Thursday.
  • So yesterday we talked about how the NFL, whether there was a strike or not, was going to still be getting $4 BILLION dollars from TV from a deal they made that would “loan” the league the money.  Well – not anymore. In a huge turn of events – a federal judge ruled that the deal was unfair to the players association and shut it down.  It’s a huge boost for the players and the association…but the NFL says the ruling will play zero effect in their negotiations.
  • And finally – Mizzou seriously is terrible on the road.  Last night in Nebraska the Tigers lost to the Cornhuskers 69-58 to finish their conference road record at a very awesome 1-7. They next play Kansas in Columbia on Saturday morning.


  • ABC announced Dancing With the Stars Cast:
    • ‘Cheers’ star Kirstie Alley
    • Hugh Hefner girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson
    • Pro wrestler Chris Jericho
    • Talk show host Wendy Williams
    • Loveline host Psycho Mike
    • Ralph Machio
    • Sugar Ray Leonard
    • Hines Ward
  • Christina “Gaguleria” was arrested for public intoxication yesterday.  They got pulled over around 3AM and they were both drunk.  Her boyfriend JUST missed the legal limit.  They just went to dinner, and decided to drink a little bit.  We don’t know how hammered Christina was…but she couldn’t stand up on her own, didn’t know where she lived, and didn’t know where she was.
  • 20/20’s interview with Charlie Sheen ran last night.   We are already kind of getting sick of the whole, “WINNING” thing.  Well – Charlie isn’t winning today.  His kids got taken away from him last night.  His ex wife said he made death threats against her.  He got a new Twitter account.  Click HERE to follow him!
  • So folks are complaining that there were no black folks up for the major awards.  Samuel L. Jackson says, “Where were all the black people at?  I guess we can’t read teleprompters?”  It sucks because…all of us here don’t want to hate him but….you’re making us hate you Sam.  THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD IT!….WHERE ARE THESE MOTHER EFFIN BLACK PEOPLE ON THIS MOTHER EFFIN AWARDS SHOW?!”
  • Liam Neeson said something about WHY his A-Team movie bombed at the box office.  What did he say? He said, “I thought it was a really good movie. And I thought it would have done much better in America.  But the studio released it the day after the World Cup started.  That had a huge effect on the ratings for the movie.”  REALLY?! Soccer? You’re an idiot.
  • Ok – so Oasis fought with a bunch of artists when they were around.  And Liam – the singer – is now starting ISH with Radiohead.  He says, “I heard the new Radiohead album and I was like…WHAT?!….Radiohead go eff yourself.”
  • System of a Down is touring the U.S….no where near STL though.  Denver is the closest place to see them.  Get your tickets!
David Letterman: Donald Trump, Vanessa Hudgens, Oh Land
Jay Leno: Simon Cowell, Jeff Gordon, Travis Barker
Jimmy Kimmel: Amanda Seyfried, Nick Offerman
Craig Ferguson: TBA
Jimmy Fallon: Abigail Breslin, Mike Tyson, Motorhead
Carson Daly: Tom Shadyac, the Voice Project, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Conan O’Brien: Chelsea Handler, Anthony Mackie, Mavis Staples
Lopez Tonight: Ron Artest, DJ Pauly D, Future Funk

Actor John Cullum (Northern Exposure) is 81.
Author Tom Wolfe is 81.
Actor Jon Finch is 70.
Lou Reed is 69.
Actress-comedian Laraine Newman is 59.
Singer Jon Bon Jovi of Bon Jovi is 49.
Actor Daniel Craig is 43.
Singer Chris Martin of Coldplay is 34.
NFL’er Ben Rothlesberger is 29.
NFL’er Reggie Bush is 26
Actor Robert Iler is 26.

Kimbery Kummings – 44 – this hooker for hire has provided more happy endings than a book of fairy tales in over 240 fine films including:
– Honeymoon on Your Anus
– Agent Muff
– Hootie And The Ho Bitch
– Dales House Of Anal
– Backing In Vol 8
– Mrs. Buttfire
– Shaving Mr. One Eye
– Nasty Timmy Bangs L.A.
– What’s That Stink?
– Up The Ying Yang

In Florida, a wildlife officer saw a man on the side of a highway.  When the cop came up to him, he noticed an alligator, shot in the head, chilled on ice.  Gator season ended in November…so – STRIKE #1. The guy said he got it from a friend and the rifle that he shot it was with in the truck.  It was stolen.  Strike #2.  Then he said he got the gun from some fella named “Bo”.  No he didn’t.  Then the cop ran the VIN number for the truck…shocker…stolen.  Then he said, “I bought from some blue eyed Cuban.”  Strike #3…you’re arrested.

The doucher from New York was giving women false hope when they would come into him after they found out they had cancer.  Thousands of people went to see this “doctor” and he would rub yogurt all over them and put it INSIDE OF THEIR GENITALS.  He also would give patients unwilling breast exams.  He’s currently being held on $33 MILLION DOLLAR BAIL!  UNREAL!  That’s more than Madoff.




-Check out these dumb broads.  How bad is this?!  A 41 year old dude from Michigan was online saying he was a psychologist.  He convinced women to ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN as a FORM OF THERAPY!  He then convinced them to send him the pictures all with the promise that he would date them.  AND WOMEN DID THIS?!  WHAT THE BITCHES BE TRIPPIN?!?!?!?!?!?
A broad in Florida stopped a woman for speeding in an area that is known for being a drug spot.  She had the cops search her car to PROVE that she wasn’t doing anything illegal…and what do you know.  They found some crack.  But she says it was cool – she got it from a dude after she gave him a ride.  BITCH BE TRIPPIN!
– If you have lived under rock for the past couple of weeks.  There was a massive Earthquake in New Zealand.  Hundred of folks are dead and it’s brutal.  Well – this 16 year old nightmare bitch was visiting there and she made it home, and then headed to Facebook.  She said on her page: “I stole ice cream, got drunk, and wandered around see effed up stuff.”  She then said, “People give me ish about living…Eff you all…I have power, water, and can take a dump and flush it.”  Here’s my Facebook post.  “Eff you bitch….YOU TRIPPIN’!”
-A homeless woman was arrested in Oklahoma for trespassing after she refused to leave a porta-potty.  The cops were called and when they got there she locked herself in and said, “I ain’t leavin..I’m having a property dispute.” She was arrested and charged with being a TRIPPIN’ BITCH!


About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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