Today’s Anthem: It’s my AWESOME anthem…by the way…I suck.


Glover and Woody both asked what the big deal about Opening Day in St. Louis is….they bring up a good point….it’s awesome that baseball is starting…but really?  Why is like a national holiday here?!


Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • A team of 7 IT workers won the MegaMillions Jackpot…but there is one guy that is a little salty.  A guy threw in to the lottery pool EVERY SINGLE WEEK….and….he didn’t last week.  His buddies feel bad…but they asked him 2 times and he still said no.  They are all going to end up with $16 million AFTER takes.  Woody says he would have given the guy a million bucks.  Glover says he would have given him $100,000.  None of them showed up for work on Monday…shocking.
  • Last weekend a dude in New York went to his ex girlfriends house.  He calmly took a duecer on her front door and then set it on fire.  The ex and the two young kids were in the house trapped.  The cops and firefighters were able to save the kids and the woman.
  • 2 Vegans from France fed their 11 month old daughter with NOTHING but breast milk are on trial because their child DIED from vitamin deficiency.  What a bunch of a-holes.
    • This led us to the people we can’t stand…who are they?
      • People that love Pink Floyd who are 15
      • Bikers who ride a bicycle…and over the top WANNABE BIKERS (and the TRIK-ers…the 3 wheeled bikers)
      • Activists who are just college kids not knowing about anything
      • Folks that barter EVERYTHING
      • $30,000 Millionaires
      • Know It All’s
      • 2000’s Hippies
      • The Slow Drivers who are brake tappers
      • The Guitar Guy at the Party
      • One Uppers
      • The White Gangsta
      • The Buy American Guys
  • 41 year old female door to door vacuum salesperson went to the wrong house.  A dude she was trying to sell a vacuum to grabbed her boobs and said, “I don’t need no vacuum…I need a woman.”  The woman called cops, a female cop showed up, and the guy then grabbed HER ass.  When the cops boss showed up…the guy tried to kiss HIM as well.  WTF….creepy!
  • 3 teens heard a noise from their upstairs..they thought it was a ghost…but their was actually a naked dude upstairs jo’ing.  Nice!
  • Youth pastor from Iowa said he had sex with boys….because he wanted to steer them away from their homosexual urges by having sex with them WHILE they prayed.  This story is extremely gross.  He said when they ejaculate – it would rid them of their demons.  GROSS!
  • 19 year old dude from Missouri was arrested after he broke into his old high school and went into the locker room stole boys underwear…threw them on the ground…and jo’ed on them.  He then put them into an empty locker.  Biggest fail?  It’s all caught on tape.  How do you explain that when you spend 7 years in jail?!
  • CHECK THIS CREEPIER OUT! Last week arrested a dude in Georgia after he was video taping a woman’s butt in KMART….he tried to go upskirt on some chick and she called the cops on him.  Quality ass at KMART?  FAIL!
  • It’s opening day for Major League Baseball. The Cards open their season today as well as they host the Padres.  Chris Carpenter gets the start for the Birds. Game is scheduled for 3:15pm. Five other games scheduled for today: The Braves take on the Nationals, Tigers will be in New York, Milwaukee is at Cincinnati, The Angels take on the Royals and the defending World Series Champs take on the Dodgers.
  • The Blues picked one hell of a time to turn it up last night.  They beat the Detroit Red Wings 10-3.  It was the first time that the Red Wings have had 10 goals scored against them since 1993.  But they can always just look at the standings and remember they are in 2nd and the Blues are not in playoff contention.  The Blues are back home tomorrow to take on the Calgary Flames at 7pm.
  • College football is not having a real good off season.  4 players from the Auburn are saying that they got thousands of dollars while being recruited or playing for Alabama.  4 players who played for Auburn in the last 10 years said that they received cash payments.  Gene Chizik, the current coach at Auburn, says that these reports are “pure garbage.” Not good news for an already closely watched Auburn program.
  • And finally – Purdue Head Coach Matt Painter was expected to announce yesterday that he was going to be taking over the Mizzou head coaching position….but….that’s not happening.  Painter announced yesterday that he would be accepting an 8 year contract extension with Purdue.  Mizzou still searches for a head coach…


  • Rhianna likes having her ass beat in the bedroom.  She says she loves whip and chains and loves to be slapped.  Really?  COME ON NOW!  Sucks to be you…or actually…sucks to be all of us that’s not banging her.
  • Apparently you HAVE to wear condoms during porno in California.  Like its MANDATORY to do so.
  • Judge Judy was rushed to the hospital after she was fatigued after oral surgery yesterday.
  • Snookie had a press conference from Wrestlemania yesterday.  She was called a whore, slut, and a midget.  AWESOME!
  • Vanilla Ice is now MIMING.  He is portraying a silent version of Captain Hook on stage as a mime. Really?  Come on!
  • You know the Rebecca Black “Friday” song….She’s got a new song called…LOL.  The lyrics? “You’re my BFF…LOL”  REALLY?!  COME ON!
  • They are already working on a 5th Pirates of the Caribbean movie….apparently it’s a stand alone series.  I’ve never seen any of them.
David Letterman: Chris Rock, Ellen Page, Funeral Party
Jay Leno: Kourtney & Kim Kardashian, Fareed Zakaria, Mary Mary
Jimmy Kimmel: David Beckham, Wes Craven, Sum 41
Craig Ferguson: Julie Chen, Jeffrey Tambor
Jimmy Fallon: Elton John, James Marsden, Duran Duran
Carson Daly: Jonas Akerlund, George Watsky, Grouplove
Conan O’Brien: Johnny Knoxville, Kaley Cuoco, Thompson Square
Lopez Tonight: Snoop Dogg, Brittany Snow

Actor William Daniels is 84.
Actor Richard Chamberlain is 77.
Actress Shirley Jones is 77.
Actor Christopher Walken is 68.
Comedian Gabe Kaplan is 66.
Actress Rhea Perlman is 63.
Actor Ed Marinaro (Hill Street Blues, Sisters) is 61.
Guitarist Angus Young of AC/DC is 56.
Actor Ewan McGregor is 40.
Rapper Tony Yayo is 33.

Vanessa Del Rio – 59 – today’s birthday bitch has seen  more balls than a major league ump in 197 fine films including:
– Appointment with Agony
– Gulp
– National Pornographic Vol 4
– Backdoor Bonanza
– The Joy of Humiliation
– Bitches In Heat Vol 1
– Dr. lust
– Horny Landlady

A broad in Oklahoma went to a gas station to buy some cigarettes….when she found out it was $6 bucks was “too damn much” and then started throwing stuff inside the store.  When she left…the clerk went outside to get her license plate number and thats when the women and her friend beat the clerks ass.  The clerk…she’s O.K – but the woman and friend…arrested.  All over the price of smokes!  HOOSHE!


We got an email from a guy yesterday talking about a “friend” who had a gay experience once…but said it was just a one time thing and he was drunk and it was once…REALLY?!  He’s asking if his “buddy” is gay….short answer: YES!

Woody said that there IS a double standard….if a woman kisses another chick…she’s not gay.  If a guy kisses a dude…instant gay.

Wow…you have to hear the conversation that went down when we brought this up.  I’ll put up the audio shortly! WOW!


About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
This entry was posted in Comedy, Epic, Funny, Radio. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to THURSDAY SHOW BLOG (3/31/2011)

  1. matt says:

    Where is the press your luck info?

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