NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
DONNIE’S WEEK IN RAGE VIDEO :
IT’S FRIDAY…AND IT’S TIME TO FORGIVE….TAKE THIS GUY’S ADVICE…HE’S TELLING EVERYONE…F YOU!
FRIDAY THE 13TH!
LATER IN THE SHOW WE WILL BE TALKING SUPERSTITIONS…START THINKING ABOUT YOURS AND BE PREPARED TO CALL IN WHEN WE DO THE TOPIC SOMETIME IN THE 8AM HOUR!
– Can’t Use Yellow Lighters
– Afraid of 666
– Hates anything ending in 13
– Sports Stuff (Not stepping on lines, looking at clock, talking about no-hitters)
-Won’t hang any mirror on the outside facing wall
– Won’t light anything in threes
– Sports number has to be divisible by 3
– If you get hit by a broom then you get arrested.
– Never accept a closed knife from someone
– Never whistle in the house
Today’s Anthem: Scott Stapp
Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!
- Check out this street performing Batman who gets his ass KICKED! Too funny! ((NSFW LANGUAGE)) Click HERE TO CHECK IT OUT
- This doucher in Michigan was arrested after he was reported to be dressed like Batman and hanging from a building. Well – here’s the best thing…it’s a 31 year old dude who was caught with a baton, a can of mace, and looked like a total toolbox.
- WHO FRIGGIN CARES: JAMES DURBIN WAS VOTED OFF ON AMERICAN IDOL LAST NIGHT….((PATRICO THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE YOUR WINNER…bUT…HE’S OUT))
- The Cards beat the Cubs yesterday 9-1 and Jamie Garcia got his 5th win of the season. The Cards start a weekend series against the Reds tonight. First pitch is at 6:10 tonight in Cincinnati.
- In the NBA – the Bulls eliminated the Hawks last night and move on to the Eastern Conference Finals. They take on the Heat in that series. In the West – the Thunder look to eliminate the Grizzlies with a win in Game 6 tonight. The winner of that series goes on to play the Mavericks. Funny thing about the Bulls/Heat series….that was supposed to kick off on Tuesday in Chicago but it’s been moved up to a Sunday start. Why? Because OPRAH has dibs on the United Center for taping of her final shows….Chicago def. has their priorities straight.
- In the NHL the Sharks went on to beat the Red Wings in Game 7 and move on to the Western Conference finals where they will play the Canucks. In the East – it will be the Bruins and Lightning and they will get things started tomorrow night.
- Finally – some MMA news – Brock Lesnar has AGAIN seen problems come from his stomach issues. He’s got a disease that causes terrible stomach pain and it actually might force him to have surgery. Back in 2009 – Lesnar had to bail out of a fight because of the stomach pain and he now does the same for his June 11th fight. He says: I’m not retiring, I believe there is a solution to every problem…I just gotta find the right solution..I love this sport.” Junior Dos Santos – Lesnar’s would be opponent with now fight Shane Carwin at UFC 131.
- The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Ashton Kutcher is putting the final touches on becoming the replacement for Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men. The people say that it’s going to be a hilarious twist in the story and who knows….it looks like it’s really happening.
- Gilbert Gottfried was asked about the whole Aflac situation and he said…tragedy + time = comedy. He claims that his timing was just off. He then said he didn’t want to offend anyone about the Osama Bin Laden thing so he just wanted to let people know that his prayers go out to the terrorists. Too funny.
- The fat black chick from the movie Road Trip…she died from a blood clot.
- Lady Gaga wore Penis High heels on American Idol Tuesday…neat.
- Sebastian Bach from Skid Row was busted for Pot possession over the weekend.
- Paul McCartney’s ex wife Heather Mills skied into a tree and broke her shoulder.
- Janelle from Teen Mom 2 has entered Rehab. That’s awesome. What a dumb bitch. She is SUCH a hoosier.
David Letterman: Joan Rivers, Nick Griffin, Okkervil River
Jay Leno: Jodie Foster, Ken Jeong, Rodrigo y Gabriela
Jimmy Kimmel: Kenneth Branagh, Ellie Kemper, the 2011 National School Scrabble Champions (R 5/4/11)
Craig Ferguson: Paul Reiser, Melissa McCarthy
Jimmy Fallon: Kristen Wiig, Chris Colfer, Lenny Kravitz
Carson Daly: Anders Holm & Adam DeVine, Sam Hain, Raphael Saadiq
WOODY’S SARCASTIC PICK OF THE WEEKEND: SUNDAY NIGHT – KHLOE AND LAMAR ON E!
Rodman is 50
Robert Pattenson is 23
Hootie is 45
Dan Patrick is 55
Harvey Keitel is 72
Tony Siragusa is 44
Susie Kohlberg is 47
Carrie Prejean is 24
Ian Ashbury is 49
Ray Lewis is 36
Emmit Smith is 42
George Brett is 58
Lauren Phoenix – 32 – today’s birthday girl had juggled more balls than a circus clown in 418 fine films including:
- Black Boned
– Sperm Banks 6
– Shut up And Eff Me
– Butt Junkies
– Penetration Nation
– Coyote Nasty
– A.N.A.L 3: Bum Rush
– Creamy Faces
– Desperately Horny Housewives
– I’ll Toss Your Salad If You Butter My Buns
A dude in Florida went into Walgreens – and went to the cough drop aisle….and then whipped out his hog and began urinating on 150 packages of cough drops and then tried to fill a prescription. Fail. Cops were still looking for him what we last heard….check out the video of this dude wazzing on the cough drops. WTF!
FRIDAY FAIL STORIES
- Two dudes got hammered and wanted to play with swords…and actually accidentally chopped off his friends flesh sword. OOFAH! FAIL!
- A woman lost a position as a school board member because she didn’t get any votes…including VOTING FOR HERSELF…she didn’t even go and vote. WTF!
- A 38 year old guy created a tribute for his friend who had passed away and put it on a flash drive. He gave it to a funeral home but they couldn’t find it…all they found was TONS OF CHILD PORN! OOOOOOOOOOFAHHHHHH FAIL!
- A kid in Connecticut asked a girl to prom by putting up a big sign in front of the school….well she said yes…but the school suspended him for tampering with school property. FAIL!
- A dude went to hold up a bank…handed the teller a note that said give me all the money in a bank….but the teller said he didn’t have a bag…so the guy turned around and then rode his bike away. He was arrested….FAIL!
- A couple went into a bank and claimed they had a bomb and demanded cash…and they got it…why? They wanted to go to Vegas and get married. But they were busted and got arrested!
- Last Saturday – a party was going on and cops thought that they had hit the jackpot. There were 90 teens at a party and there was a keg and cops gave every single teenager a breathalyzer….but…NO ONE TESTED POSITIVE FOR DRINKING…WHY?! It was a keg of ROOT BEER!
- More hotel guest order PPV porn than regular movies. D2R
- The # of Americans pleasuring themselves at any one time is more than the population of Alaska: D2R
- There has NEVER been a PG13 Disney Movie: CR
- Trojan makes more money selling vibrators love toys than they do from selling condoms. D2R
- A Full Bladder is about the size of a football: CR