NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Today’s Anthem: Basketball chick fail anthem
Holy crap…the end of the world did NOT happen. Who would have known? No rapture…shocking. On Sunday – they were looking to here what the guy said who predict this…he said: “It was a tough weekend…”
Wow – you got to check out the damage caused in Joplin, MO by the tornado. Right now they are saying around 90 people are dead and many other injured. Here are some pictures if you click HERE. Folks are saying there was about 5 minutes notice at a hospital that was hit and destroyed. The base of the tornado was about a 1/2 mile wide and tore Joplin apart.
Tom Brady is gay. Ugg Boots, Crying, and his hair…and now this….THIS IS HILARIOUS
Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!
- It’s hard to believe that this story is even real. Back in 05 a high school student committed suicide because he was bullied. His friends are graduating this weekend – and they asked for an empty chair for him. They said no. Why? They claim having an empty chair could offend the bullies that drove this kid to suicide. Wait…WHAT?! Seriously!
- Last Thursday – a woman in Florida- hit a person on the side of the road and took off. The cops found her – pulled her over – and she found out…that the person she hit was her OWN FATHER! FAIL?! THAT SUCKS?! BITCH BE TRIPPIN?
- A kid from Washington State put a status update on Facebook that was supposed to warn Obama about terrorists attacks. He posted, “First Order: Suicide Bomb Obama…” The secret service questioned this dude and found out he just has pour judgment. She’s not mad at Facebook…or the kid…she’s mad she wasn’t present when the kid was questioned.
- Parents are trying to get some monitoring on Facebook. Apparently parents are in California trying to get the ability to control the things kids are posting and putting pictures up.
- The Cards gave a huge lead in yesterday’s game against the Royals but ended up getting the win in 10 innings. The Cardinals have won 6 of their last 7 games and head to San Diego tonight for a game against the Padres. First pitch is scheduled for 9:15PM.
- Vancouver beat San Jose last night 4-2 to go up in their series 3 game to 1. In the Eastern Conference finals – Tampa and Boston will play game 5 tonight with that series tied at two games a piece.
- In the NBA – the Heat beat the Bulls in game three last night. And frustration got to Chicago’s Joakim Noah….if you remember a couple weeks ago – Kobe Bryant got fined for calling the ref a faggot. Well – Noah MAY have yelled that to a fan yesterday. The camera cut to Noah after getting his second foul, and you can see him yelling at a fan and it looks like he yells, “Eff You Faggot,” Not sure what the dude did to deserve it, but you can see the video. We haven’t heard anything yet from the NBA or the Chicago Bulls……but Kobe was fined $100,000 when he did it. The Heat won the game, by the way . . . and now have a 2 to 1 lead over the Bulls in the Eastern Conference Finals. The other NBA playoff series continues tonight. Dallas looks to go up 3 games to 1 against Oklahoma City.
- Finally – a 31 year old dude from L.A was arrested yesterday and he is believed to be the main suspect in the beating of the Giants fan on opening day in L.A. A tip from a parole officer led cops to Giovanni Ramirez – who they believe was the main guy who started the altercation. Cops are still looking for another male, and a female driver. The 42 year old who was attacked is still in critical condition and has significant brain damage.
- Randy Macho Man Savage died on Friday. He had a heart attack while driving and crashed his car and died. His wife suffered minor injuries. CHECK OUT THE SOUNDBOARD FOR MACHO MAN BY CLICKING HERE….
- Lisa Lampanelli had a show in Topeka Kansas (home of the Westboro Baptist Church) and she said she would send a check to a Gay Rights Group for every protester that was there….She’s writing a check for $40,000.
- Newt Gingrich’s phone went off over the weekend and his cell phone ring tone was Abba “Dancing Queen.” RING THE BELL!
- If Maria Shriver filed for divorce it could cost Arnold $200 million dollars. All for banging the housekeeper! Crazy right!
- Folks ran out of a new Antonio Banderas movie…the plot of this film is sick! It’s called “The Skin I Live In..” And here is the plot: The film focuses on a mad but brilliant surgeon (Banderas) who kidnaps a man who raped his daughter. The doctor’s daughter killed herself from the grief and it drives him to take very drastic measures. This is where it gets complicated and disturbing. Banderas then gives the rapist a sex change and transplants his deceased daughter’s face onto his body. He later has sex with the man he has brutally experimented on and turned into a woman. The movie also contained several disturbing rape scenes and nudity.
- Here is the new Digital Short from Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake ft. Stephanie GaGa. CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT.
- Lady GaGa also said in an interview that she was thrown in a trashcan when she was younger. HAHA!
LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: Lady Gaga, Eric Stonestreet, the Vaccines
Jay Leno: Dustin Hoffman, Meghan McCain, the Script
Jimmy Kimmel: Wanda Sykes, “Bachelorette” Ashley Hebert, Foster the People
Craig Ferguson: Jack Black, Rampage Jackson
Jimmy Fallon: Queen Latifah, Matt Bomer, Bon Iver
Carson Daly: Adam Carolla, Mark Woollen, the Airborne Toxic Event
Conan O’Brien: Ken Jeong, Rebel Wilson, Yeasayer
Lopez Tonight: Norm Macdonald, Jerry Springer, Don Gorske, The Game featuring Skeetox
WOODY’S SARCASTIC PICK OF THE NIGHT: VH1 – 50 Cent…The Origin of Me.
Drew Carey is 53
Marvelous Marvin Hagler is 57
Jewel is 37
Ken Jennings is 37
Joan Collins is 78
Jessica May – 32 – Today’s bday hooker has made her parents proud in 117 fine films including:
– Rocco’s Reverse Gangbang Vol 2
– The Back Doors of Prague
– The BJ Adventures of Dr. Fellatio
– World Class Whore
– Any Switch Way
– Ass Angels 3
– New Highs In Low Morals
– Straight to the A
– ANal Ringmaster
THE DOGHOUSE: THE DUMBEST FIGHT THAT YOU’VE EVER HAD?
- Mark in Washington: Went and bought the generic brand of frozen fries and it caused a mega argument
- Jasmine from Red Bud: Argued over which one gets a plastic cover on the spare key
- Chris who called in and said that him and his wife argued over if Zombies would freeze or not
- Andrew called in and him and his lady got into an argument because she couldn’t figure out how to play Call of Duty.
TUESDAY: In England…a 16 year old girl named Vicki married a 38 year old…which should be hooshe enough. But, Vicki left her BABY’S DADDY for HIS DADDY (That’s right…her boyfriends father). She was sitting on her boyfriends lap…got uncomfortable…and sat on his dad’s lap. She then started making out with him and the boyfriend got pissed and went to bed. The dad then boned her…and now they are getting married…AND THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SOOOO SEXY.
WEDNESDAY: In Houston…4 people were arrested at a car wash for selling drugs…and raccoon meat. The car wash was selling weed, meth, and running a backdoor gambling ring. They were also selling the raccoon meat at $30 bucks a pound. The owner says “It’s ALL lies! It’s my private property…” Raccoon meat and druggin’ at a car wash? Def. HOOSHE!
THURSDAY: TODAY’S HEADLINE HOOSHE COMES TO US FROM WISCONSIN, where a man walked into a convenience store, walked towards a door that said, “Employees Only”, whipped out his wong and started peeing on it. Was he drunk? YOU BET! When he left, he knocked over a rack full of prepaid calling cards, and then took off in his ride. Employees took down the license plate number and called the cops. When cops went to the drunk mans home, he identified himself as Bruce Lee, the martial artist and movie star. Funny thing is…Bruce Lee died in 1973. An even funnier note: the man was not Asian. He was arrested for lewd behavior, disorderly conduct, and obstructing an officer.
FRIDAY: TODAY’S HEADLINE HOOSHE COMES TO US FROM TENNESSEE, where cops say 21 year old Zachary Wood was driving around with several of his friends in their four wheel drive vehicles. Zach and his buddies were doing some OFF ROADIN’ as they call it. Zach and one of his other buddies started talking cars and got into a fistfight when they disagreed that Ford was better than Chevy. That’s when Zach had enough. He pulled out a knife and stabbed the man several times. The man was taken to the hospital with serious injuries, and Zach was taken to prison. He was charged with aggravated assault. Ford or Chevy argument leading to a stabbin’? 100% Headline Hooshe material!
THE WINNER: THE CHEVY CAR CUTTER