NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Today’s Anthem: BAY ANTHEM CHICK
WILL IT FLUSH?! JELLY PACKETS!
WEEK IN RAGE RECAP:
Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!
- Remember the dude who got arrested and the cops didn’t grab his dog out of the truck and the dog died? Well – here’s an update…he’s being charged with Animal Cruelty. IDIOT!
- San Francisco has proposed a bill that would make it illegal to buy goldfish or other small tropical fish. It also would allow restrictions on the purchase of puppies, kittens, and hamsters. Needless to say – people are not expecting this to go into effect…but what a joke. Who the hell would suggest this?!
- A 36 year old has filed a lawsuit against his ex for the emotional distress of being separated from his dog a 2 year old schnauzers. He’s looking for $11 million dollars. The ex says he’s a stalker and he’s psycho. Oh…umm….ACT LIKE A MAN! Good luck with that lawsuit.
- A dude from Utah was arrested for animal cruelty charge after a video was posted on his Facebook page that showed him to be eating what appeared to be…..a baby rat. This 31 year old dude was charged with a misdemeanor after the video was posted back in April. Well – a few months later, PETA saw it and reported it to the police who then arrested the man. Cops recognized the guy because…here’s a shocker…he has had other run ins with cops. The video shows was appears to be a live, tiny, hairless rat in his mouth, him CHEWING THE RAT, and the swallowing it. The dude pleaded not guilty to the charges and is now awaiting his court date.
- Women lined up to drink horse semen. No joke. A food festival in New Zealand is serving HoiHoiTaTea. It’s a drink that has blended horse semen and apple flavoring. Apparently its got a custardy taste to it. GROSS.
- The Cards continue to dazzle…..losing again last night…..SHUT OUT….5-0 by the Blue Jays……for those of you playing along at home….that’s a SWEEP. The Cards are off today and are on their way to Baltimore for a series against the Orioles.
- Even if there is a season this year, Terrell Owens will miss all of it. Over the weekend T.O. had surgery to repair a torn ACL from an injury he suffered during the off season.
- Kurt Busch wins the 2011 Toyota/Save Mart 350 in Sonoma yesterday…
- And finally…..You have got to see the video below of some footage of the Giants fan Bryan Stow at the Dodgers Opening Day game just a few hours before he was beaten into the coma. Cops are saying that the man pointing in his face and yelling could be the other assailant that they have been looking for. You can see the video HERE.
- Peter Falk – the dude who played Columbo….died over the weekend.
- There are some people that are getting stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame…Jennifer Aniston, Tom Mother Effin Jones &…… Vin Diesel? Yeah…apparently it’s not to hard. You just have to be nominated and you have to pay $25,000 bucks!
- Prince is complaining about everything. He has a new CD but doesn’t want to put it out because he says he’s going to wait until Internet Piracy is controlled.
- Florence Henderson has a new book coming out in September that claims she got crabs from the mayor of New York City John Lindsay back in the 70’s. GROSS! ((OF COURSE WE WANTED TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF DUDES ABOUT THEIR CRABS EXPERIENCE…..GROSS…WHATEVER YOU DO – DO NOT GOOGLE SEARCH “PUBIC CRABS…Check out the 7AM Podcast))
LATE NIGHT TV:
—“Letterman” – Shia LaBeouf (“Transformers: Dark of the Moon”) and Bert Kreischer (“Bert the Conqueror”). Music Guest: Dawes.
—“Conan” – Jason Sudeikis (“Horrible Bosses”) and DJ Qualls (“Memphis Beat”). Music Guest: Ke$ha.
—“The Tonight Show” – Jim Carrey (“Mr. Popper’s Penguins”) and Selena Gomez. Music Guest: Tinie Tempah. (REPEAT) —“Jimmy Kimmel” – Louis C.K. (“Louie”), Ashley Hebert (“The Bachelorette”) and Missy Peregrym (“Rookie Blue”). Music Guest: Steel Magnolia.
—“Craig Ferguson” – Melissa Joan Hart (“Melissa & Joey”) and Dennis Miller.
—“Jimmy Fallon” – Ellen Barkin (“The Normal Heart”), Chris Hardwick (host of the G4 show “Web Soup”) and chef Michael Schlow. (REPEAT)
—“Carson Daly” – Adam Pally (“Happy Endings”) and Make Believe. Music Guest: The Black Angels. (REPEAT)
—“Lopez Tonight” – Larry the Cable Guy (“Cars 2”) and Gabrielle Anwar (“Burn Notice”). Music Guest: Lloyd.
—Madylin Sweeten – 20 (Ray’s daughter Ally on “Everybody Loves Raymond”.)
–Khloe Kardashian – 27 (The Kardashian who . . . um . . . looks most prepared to fight an ox. She has her own reality show with her husband, Lamar Odom from the L.A. Lakers, called “Khloe & Lamar”.)
–Tobey Maguire – 36
–Jo “Supernanny” Frost – 40
–J.J. Abrams – 45 (GENIUS creator of “Alias” and “Lost” . . . and the director of both “Mission: Impossible 3” and “Star Trek”. Even though “Lost” is over, he’s still got “Fringe” on TV. He also wrote and directed the movie “Super 8”.)
–Ross Perot – 81
GIA PALOMA – 27 – Today’s Bday girl has handled more meat than a Kenricks butcher in 350 fine films including:
– Tonsil Train
– 3 Way or No Way Vol 2
– Confessions of An Anal Heiress
– Squeel Like A Pig
– Girth Wind And Fire
– Ass: The New Vagina
– Gia Has Negro Problem
– Tinkle Time
– Bride of Dong
– Up The Wahzoo Vol 2
– Dawn of the Head
– Lezbo A-Go-Go
– We DP’d The Babysitter
Today’s Douchebag of the Day is a marriage counselor in New Hampshire. He’s been suspended for the biggest possible marriage counselor ethics violation. Back in 09 – he was counseling a married couple that was having problems. But he always was siding with the wife. It’s like he was trying to break them up. Turns out…that was dead on. He was banging the wife. Sad thing is this isn’t the other time this dude has been in trouble. He had dirty convos with a 17 year old and smoked pot with the wife he was banging. Funny thing…he bought that pot from another patient.
TUESDAY: TODAY’S HEADLINE HOOSHE COMES TO US FROM HUDSON, FLORIDA WHERE a man was arrested over the weekend as he celebrated his birthday by having what he calls, “about 10 beers too many.” 58 year old James Taylor – not the singer – says he drank around FORTY EIGHT beers one night and ended up causing quite a scene at the Hudson Beach. Cops say Taylor left the beach for a while, and when he returned he was so drunk and belligerent he scared a woman and her grandchildren. He also exposed himself, and urinated in the sand in front of children. He was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and causing a disturbance.
WEDNESDAY: In Ohio – A dude named Terry Stanford barely missed being flattened by a train. When a train approached the dude jumped on the tracks and refused to move…then…he MOONED the train. When the conductor got out and tried to move Terry….Terry fought back. He was arrested and cops say it just adds to his already ridiculous history of over 36 arrests!
THURSDAY: In Chicago – Stewart Gibbs was arrested after he did a little Do It Yourself surgery on his dog. He was trying to remove a cyst from his dogs ear. Other apartment tenants were complaining for leaking water from their ceiling. When the landlord walked in…he was covered in blood and ran towards him. The landlord called the cops and when cops got there…this dude was covered in blood…and naked. Was he drunk? YOU BET! Cops took the dog away (it’ll be fine) and arrest this dude. What a hooshe!
FRIDAY: A dude was in a McDonalds drive thru and got pissed at another driver. Reports say that it left ketchup and cheeseburger pieces on the other guys truck. According to the police…this dude told them, “That nagger pissed me off. So I threw a cheeseburger at his truck. If I havta to go to jail, I will.” Wow…total hooshe!
THE WINNER: The DIY Dog Doctor