NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Today’s Anthem: The Crackhead Crooner
DONNIE’S WEEK IN RAGE:
- SEXY TIME POLL QUESTION: SEX EUPHEMISMS
- Taking the skin boat to tuna town
- Climbing the tree
- The snake in the furry tool shed
- Crashing the custard truck
- Taking the meat whistle to the tampon tunnel
- Throwing a hot dog down the hallway
- Hiding the bologna pony
- Cuddle Shuttle to Pound Town
- The Moisture Seeking Meat Missile
- Taking Willy Wonka to the Fudge Factory
- The Mattress Olympics
- Batter dip the Corn Dog
- Cleaning the cobwebs with the womb broom
- Making a magic sandwich
- Making the beast with two backs
- Fixing the clap flap
- Rumpy Pumpy
- Tickle The Pickle
- Cleaning the pipes
- Bumpin Uglies
- Knocking Boots
- Slamming the flesh column into the meat crease
- Polishing the skin flute with the fish mitten
- Takin ol’ One Eye to the Optometrist
- Goin’ Heels to Jesus
- Burping the worm in the mole hole
- Butter the muffin
- Dirty work at the crossroads
- Five Knuckle Shuffle
- Get Jack In Th Orchard
- Hop On the Good Foot and do the bad thing
- Put Percy in the playpen
- Putting the pickle in the hair sandwich
- Star-gazing on your back
- Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
Check out the rant from Felonious Munk that we played on the show this morning. It’s filthy and has some NSFW language so we can’t post it but we can link it. Click HERE to listen…
- Cops in Alabama found the best way to trick the deadbeat dads who didn’t pay child support. They set up a phony fan club that hooked up these folks with tickets to the Auburn/Alabama football game this year. Even set up a party for the folks to come down and get their tickets. And like any prize, when they claimed it they had to show their drivers license. Once cops figured out they had the right guys….they went straight to jail! IDIOTS!
- In Florida – two brothers were fishing when they found a brick of white stuff. One of the brothers decided to grab it and they continued to fish. Eventually – curiosity got the cat and one brother snorted it. And that’s when ish got real. Dude freaked out and threw every single thing that was on the boat overboard. Phones, radio, bait, food…everything. So the two were stranded. Eventually they got rescued but the dude who snorted the random whiteness? He DIED! Reports are still coming back as to what the substance was.
- Two Franklin County stores’ state lottery licenses have been suspended after accusations they broke the rules to help a Michigan couple take advantage of a potentially lucrative quirk in the Cash WinFall game.The accused lottery agents are Billy’s Beer and Wine, owned by Paul Mardas, and Jerry’s Place in South Deerfield, co-owned by Jerry Dagrosa.Gerald and Marjorie Selbee, 73, of Evart, Mich., have traveled to Franklin County once every two months since 2005, said Mardas, who met them through one of his customers. During a three-day buying binge starting July 12, the couple bought $614,000 worth of the $2 tickets, said Gerald Selbee.The Selbees run a corporation called GS Investment Strategies, LLC. Mardas and Dagrosa are among its approximately 25 members, who also include law enforcement officers, lawyers and finance experts, Gerald Selbee said.They have picked up on a strategy that potentially allows them to make huge profits: If no one guesses all six numbers to win the jackpot, tickets with fewer matching numbers become more valuable as the jackpot money is redistributed to the lesser winners. The optimal betting periods are called “rolldown weeks” and the lottery announces them in advance.The jackpot maxes out at $2 million to $2.5 million. By essentially stuffing the game with tickets, it’s possible for a few people to pick up a huge percentage of the winnings. Cash WinFall is the only game in the state that works this way.
- The Cardinals…with the help of Albert Pujols avoided the sweep by the Brewers…Pujols went 4 for 4 with a homer on the way to the win. The Cards now focus on Colorado who is in for a weekend series. First pitch tonight is at 7:15pm.
- The PGA Championship kicked off yesterday. Currently Steve Stricker is in the lead with a score of 7 under par. And on the COMPLETE opposite side of things….Tiger Wood shot his worst round ever at 7 OVER par.
- FInally – the Rams kick off their preseason against the Colts tomorrow. Kick off is at 7PM.
- Imagine what this guy’s grandkids are going to think of his tat in 50 years. This a-hole 24 year old Ismael Ambrosio was arrested in Pinellas COunty on the orers of Immigration officials. And in his mug shot you can see the damn tattoo….where it says, “EFF THE POLICE…” What a douche…check it out:
- This list is crazy. Someone put together the top list of celebrities have killed someone. The list is kind of random and you can see the full thing by clicking HERE. Don King killed two mother effers and is still a BOSS! That’s how he rolls!
- The lead singer for Warrant has died. He was found in his hotel room last night.
Late Night TV:
—“Letterman” – Tom Felton (“Deathly Hallows: Part 2″) and Roseanne Barr (for her Lifetime show “Roseanne’s Nuts”). Music Guest: Blake Shelton. (REPEAT)
—“The Tonight Show” – Elizabeth Banks (“Our Idiot Brother”) and Jane Fonda (promoting her new book “Prime Time”). Music Guest: Mana.
—“Jimmy Kimmel” – James Franco (“Rise of the Planet of the Apes”) and Coldplay. (REPEAT)
—“Craig Ferguson” – Simon Helberg (“The Big Bang Theory”). (REPEAT)
—“Jimmy Fallon” – Jenni “JWoww” Farley (“Jersey Shore”) and Julia Stiles (“Dexter”). Music Guest: Tame Impala.
—“Carson Daly” – Author David Sirota (“Back to Our Future: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live in Now”). Music Guest: Mona. (REPEAT)
Casey Affleck is 36
Rebecca Gayheart is 40
Pete Sampras is 40
Peter Krause is 46
Sir Mix-A-Lot is 48
George Hamilton is 72
Danny Bonaduce is 52
Fidel Castro is 85
Tim Tebow is 24
Mila Kunis is 28
Halle Berry is 45
Susan Olsen is 50
Magic Johnson is 52
Rusty Wallace is 55
Jackee is 55
Steve Martin is 66
David Crosby is 70
BRITT MORGAN – 48 – today’s birthday bitch has been laid more than brick’s by Patrico’s dad in 191 fine films including:
– Anal Fever
– Bush Whacked
– Open Your Effin Mouth Vol 10, 11, & 12
– Nightmare on Porn Street
– What’s Up Doc?
– Amateurs: Eightballs and Peeping Toms
– The Flintbones
GUESS THE STATE:
Recently a 44 year old man was busted for walking around a Walmart and putting photos of himself on different shelves. The photos featured the man in fishnet stockings, high heels, and no underwear. You could see his full package and everything. Apparently he has put this photo on numerous shelves, windshields of cars and isn’t a stranger to being naked. He was arrested twice before. In 2002 he got out of his car naked and peed in front of a grocery store. In 2004 he was riding a bike naked whipping his hog out. What state? OHIO!
FRIDAY FAIL STORIES:
- When someone says “Watch This”…it usually doesn’t end well. A woman was at a costume party and decided she wanted to slide down the railing and head down a couple flights of steps. Well she headed down them….but over the rail. She landed on the ground and it killed her instantly.
- A man who was the manager of a restaurant at a Crocodile and Lion ranch in South Africa went to the ranch after he got hammered with his buddies. He was so drunk he got into the lion cage and decided to taunt the animals. He got a little to close…the manager…became lion food. The damn lion at him…the next morning the lion was still eating one of his ribs.
- In Florida a 92 year old dude locked himself out of his house. So the old timer grabbed a chair and tried to climb in through the window…well long story short…it fell on top of him and he got stuck…he died and no one knows how long he was stuck there. FAIL!
- A Michigan bus company has had their operations suspended because they were caught for the second time in a year allowing passengers to ride in the luggage compartment underneath. FAIL!
- In Chi-town, an off duty cop – dressed as a clown – was walking to his car after a children’s charity event. When he got there a teenage pulled a gun on him and demanded his money. Well – there was a struggle and the cop got the gun…and killed him. Robbing a clown fail!
THURSDAY: A Florida man is due in court next week to answer to multiple charges coming from an arrest during which he told a deputy that he was “making a bowel movement.” Cops tried to warn the man to turn around and put his hands behind his back in a park in Destin last month, but the man refused. The mantold the officer, “I can’t put my hands behind my back because I’m making a bowel movement.” .According to the deputy’s arrest report , the man “inserted his left hand into his shorts … (then) removed his hand from his shorts, (and) displayed it briefly and I noticed he had fecal material on it.”