NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Today’s Anthem: PATRICO FAIL
1. Papa John (Woody & The Mayor Endorse)
2. Air Bud (Rizzuto, Patrico, and Manballs Endorse)
3. The Tight End
- Last Tuesday students at the University of Pennsylvania were waiting for a while for their teacher to show up. It was supposed to be Dr. Henry Teune’s Political Science class. One problem. The professor had DIED back in April! SERIOUSLY! What a bunch of a-holes!
- A dude robbed a house in Colorado and stole a woman’s laptop, jewelry, and her cell phone. And then he friended her on Facebook. Deuce Gonzales also texted her friends from her cell phone…and was arrested when cops tracked the phone.
- An idiot was playing a practical joke and put a fake snake on a string and was going to run it across the street to look like it was real. So – funny thing is it worked. Too well. A girl was driving and slammed on her breaks and stopped…but the car behind her did not. It caused around $8,000 worth of damage.
- Another practical joke gone wrong…at the University of Wisconsin, where this chick has been sent to prison for 90 days for putting eye drops in her roommate’s water. She said she got the idea from Wedding Crashers. She was charged wit ha felony count of placing foreign objects in edibles after she repeatedly added Visine eye drops to the other chick’s water. She got caught because she was BRAGGING bout it to some other students. The word got back to the girl and she called the cops. The girl has a history of lying and manipulation along with alcohol issues.
- The Braves beat the Marlins 4-0 last night so it was up to the Cardinals to get the win to stay 2.5 games back of the NL Wild Card. An awesome 7th inning did just that as the Cards scored 7 runs on their way to the 11-6 win. San Francisco lost yesterday pushing them to 4.5 games back. The Cards take on the Mets again at Busch tonight – first pitch is 7:10PM. In the AL Wild Card Race – Tampa lost to the Yankees….but Boston lost as well so no movement. Both teams are in action again today.
- The Blues won their preseason opener against Tampa Bay last night. Evgeny Grachev scored two goals and the Blues defeated the Lightning 3-1 in the preseason opener for both teams. Matt D’Agostini also scored for St. Louis, and Brian Elliott made 21 saves in his Blues debut. New Blue Jamie Langenbrunner and Captain David Backes each had two assists.
- So if you think the Rams looked sloppy and never could get in tempo Monday against the Giants…you’re right. But – the Rams claim that it was a little bit of cheating that made them look that way. Yesterday both players and coaches said that it looked like players were purposely going down faking injuries just to get an injury time out or get a sub onto the field. Rams QB Sam Bradford said: “”They couldn’t get subbed, they couldn’t line up. Someone said, ‘Someone go down, someone go down,’ so someone just went down and grabbed a cramp.”
- And finally – With the NBA Lockout in effect with no real end in sight – many NBA’ers are going over seas to play basketball. Well – one of the biggest names in the league may be heading over there…and will be getting PAID! Kobe Bryant has been offered to play for an Italian basketball team and if he accepts he would get $600,000 a game AFTER taxes. The offer is weird though – it’s through November 13th..and ONLY for home games. So – it’s three games. Let’s just put it into perspective. If the NBA season happens – Kobe would make 25 Million – which pans out to be $300,000 a game for 82 games. One major thing worrying the team? If Kobe accepts – insurance on him could be outrageous!
- Kristina Reilly is a 26-year-old mom known for being totally loving and into providing her kids with safe, secure shelter. But she’d been a little busy lately with some extra stealing, so forgive her if she wasn’t able to get to the raw sewage flooding her house…Police arrived at her home on Tuesday to serve her a warrant on a theft charge. We’re not sure what that entailed, but stealing quickly took a back seat to the stench emanating from the Venice, Florida home. Reilly and her boyfriend, 29-year-old James McArdle, told the cops that the septic tank backed up five days before. They just hadn’t gotten around to cleaning in up. It may have been a hassle living in a house swimming in raw sewage, but that’s the fate of being a modern, multi-tasking mom. Yet when the cops entered the home, they assumed the problems had being going on for more than five days. There was literally shit an inch deep in some rooms, and others had shit saturating the carpet. Two small kids were found in a bedroom with only a mattress and pillows covered with mildew. Cops also found a needle, a spoon, and a bong. Other highlights from the tour, according to the police report: “In the kitchen there was sewage backed up and half of the sink was filled with liquid waste. There was an infestation of ants and cockroaches all over the counters. The one usable bathroom within the home was also filled with sewage. The toilet was overflowed with feces and the shower floor was covered in human waste.”
- Ashton Kutchers debut on 2 And A Half Men…MEGA HUGE. The biggest ratings in the history of the show. Same goes for the Roast of Sheen…huge ratings on Comedy Central. Some broad named Amy Shumer made a joke about Steve-O that included a mention of Ryan Dunn offended some people.
- Chaz Bono made it through Round 1 of Dancing With The Stars…Metta World Peace (Ron Artest) got kicked off. Neato!
- Terri Hatcher once banged Andrew Dice Clay. Nice!
- Stephanie Gaga was at the Rams/Giants game on Monday Night and dumped some champagne over the railing….all over some disabled fans.
- The White House Crashers are back in the news…apparently the gal has been wanting to smash the guitarist from Journey a really long time.
- Rain Wilson is pissed that Steve Carrel never won an Emmy for Michael Scott on The Office.
Bill Murray is 61
Dave Coulier is 52
Nicole Richie is 30
Stephen King is 64
Liam Gallagher is 39
Alfonso Ribeiro is 40
Faith Hill is 44
Luke Wilson is 40
Cecil Fielder is 48
Ricki Lake is 43
Larry Hagman is 80
Cheryl Hines is 46
Jerry Bruckheimer is 68
Phoenix Marie – 30 – Today’s birthday girl has tossed more salads than St. Louis Bread Company does during lunch rush in 248 fine films including:
– Asses of Face Destruction
– Knock Up My Mommy Vol 3
– Gloryhole Confessions 2
– Amazon Whore Princesses
– Big Boob Orgy
– Gluteus Maximass Vol 3
– Anal Acrobats Vol 5
– Pegging: A Strap On Love Story
- Back In June a 3 1/2 year old emperor penguin was found emaciated and exhausted on a beach in New Zealand. He was nursed back to health at a zoo, even undergoing surgery to remove several pounds of sand accidentally mistaking it for snow. Well – he was fitted with a tracking device and when he was healthy enough, he was released back to Antarctica. A few days later…the people tracking the penguin hadn’t received a signal in a couple of days. The specialist said that most likely – Happy Feet the penguin – has been eaten and is presumed dead.
A GUY EMAIL US AND ASKED US WHAT WE THINK ABOUT CHICKS WITH SHORT HAIR:
Woody: LIKES LONG HAIR
Rizz: DEPENDS ON THE CHICK
Patrico: LONG HAIR…100%
It reminded us of a story about how a couple in Washington was having problems so the dude came over and was yelling at the woman about the relationship. He barged in and broke down the door of the bathroom where she was hiding. He slammed her head into a mirror and then said, “You left me know choice..” And then he SHAVED HER HEAD! He said he did it to prevent her from being attractive to other men. He was high. Mega high!
WHAT DO THE LISTENERS THINK?! 91% of you say LONG HAIR!
BITCH BE TRIPPIN:
- A woman in Florida beat the bejesus after her lesbian lover after she called her….Debbie Cakes. Apparently she went into a rage over that nickname and slammed her lovers head in the back of the skull 4 times. She was arrested.
- A woman in Illinois died last week after injecting heated beef fat into her face! She had done this before…Just a little beef fat around the mouth and chin. Kinda like Botox. This time though she went to the hospital complaining that her face felt like it was on fire. She died! BBT!
- What does a 40 year old woman from Florida do when her son won’t give her laptop back? She beats his ass with a plastic lunch try. The son says that his mom hit him with the tray and then chased him around the kitchen of their house armed with a screwdriver. The woman was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and domestic battery. BBT!
- An 18 year old in Texas was busted for collecting donations for cancer treatments….that she didn’t need. Back in January she told classmates that she had leukemia and that doctors only gave her 6 months to live. So everyone – teachers, classmates and more rallied around this shyster and raised $17,000. Then in June cops began looking into it because they got a complaint that she didn’t feel sick. The investigation began and guess what…SHE WAS SICK! She was arrested. BBT!
- Last week a 25 year old woman in Florida got up on stage at a strip club and got butt ass naked. She started to bend down and collect tips that people were leaving her. Eventually the cops came and broke things up because she was beating up the real strippers and security staff. She meant to get money..but left with a $450 fine!