Maybe you have the perfect plan. It was set and good to go. Then all of sudden, almost out of no where, MEGA….UBER….ULTRA….FAILLLLL!
LISTEN TO TODAY’S FAIL STORIES ON THE PLAYER BELOW:
By Saturday night, that’s all that remained of the Crimson Tide’s glittering reward for winning the last BCS national championship. The AFCA Coaches Trophy met its early demise following Saturday’s A-Day Game at a team function. Only shards of Waterford Crystal remained by Monday evening. Valued at $30,000, the now-iconic award was first presented in 1986. A university spokesperson says the father of a current player accidentally toppled the trophy when he stumbled on a rug that was under the trophy display. The Tuscaloosa News reports that officials aren’t releasing the name of the man.
The police gave him a free night’s stay in the clink! Meet Michael Baker, the 20-year old failure at life who siphoned gas from a Jenkins, Kentucky police cruiser, had his eyebrowless girlfriend take a picture, then posted it to his Facebook.
A man in Utah caught breaking into a car told police he was just practicing to be a locksmith. They arrested him anyway. FAIL!
He thought jail was a real drag. Brazilian prisoner and alleged drug trafficker Ronaldo Silva recently attempted to escaped his lockup in his wife’s clothing. Silva, 39, allegedly shaved his arms and legs, dolled up his face and threw on a wig before waltzing out of Penedo prison, unnoticed by guards inside. However, there’s more to being a woman than a bra and panties. This guy couldn’t carry himself in heels. A cop noticed Silva walking strangely less than an hour later on the street and collared him on the spot. “He was wearing a wig, painted false nails and a long dress,” Jail director Carlos Welber said. “He’d spent a long time shaving his legs and arms. There was a lot of preparation and premeditation involved in this.” The result is a shocking before-and-after mugshot, in which Silva can be seen wearing a pretty blue dress, lipstick and a wig.
A man allegedly trying to commit insurance fraud was caught after the LoJack system on his vehicle alerted investigators to the crime, San Bernardino County sheriff’s officials said Monday. Ricardo Felix, 31, of Phoenix, was arrested Saturday for grand theft auto and insurance fraud after the vehicle he had reported stolen to his insurance company was located at a family member’s home, according to a news release. Victor Valley station Sgt. Shelly Krusbe received a LoJack notification Saturday of a stolen vehicle in Hesperia, officials said. Several deputies from the Victor Valley, Victorville and Hesperia stations responded to the call and discovered the vehicle hidden in the back of a home. Hesperia Deputy Lisa Guerra contacted the registered owner, later identified as Felix, to inform him his vehicle had been found and four people were being detained
U.S. officials couldn’t believe their luck last week when a suspected Taliban commander who heard there was a $100 reward for his whereabouts turned himself in to authorities. Perhaps misunderstanding the meaning of ‘wanted’, Mohammad Ashan sauntered up to police in Sar Howza, Paktika province, with a poster bearing his own face – and demanded the finder’s fee. He was arrested with NO reward!
RIZZ’S FAVORITE STORY: On Friday, doctors in Khandwa, India surgically removed a BOTTLE OF LIQUOR that was inserted all the way up a man’s rectum. And, he told them he jammed it up there to win a bet . . . for $20. We don’t have the full details on the bottle, but we do know it was a quarter bottle of liquor. That can mean one of two things. Either a smaller, narrow wine bottle . . . or one of those short, WIDE hobo bottles of whiskey or vodka. We’re thinking it might’ve been the short, wide type of bottle . . . because the doctors say it took an hour to surgically remove the bottle and it did serious damage to his anus and bladder.