In Today’s CRAP ON CELEBS we chat to Ted Nugent and he’s all good…plus, parents (including Hilary Duff) keep their umbilical cord!  We also have your CRAPPY BDAYS and YOUR WORLD FAMOUS PORNO BDAYS!
TED NUGENT met with the Secret Service yesterday concerning what some people categorized as THREATS against PRESIDENT OBAMA.  And as expected, all is well. Ted says, quote, “I met with two fine, professional Secret Service agents . . . [It was a] good, solid, professional meeting concluding that I have never made any threats of violence towards anyone.  “The meeting could not have gone better.  I thanked them for their service, we shook hands and went about our business.  God bless the good federal agents wherever they may be.” He added, quote, “Metaphors needn’t be explained to educated people.” Meanwhile, a Secret Service spokesman said, quote, “The Secret Service interview of Ted Nugent has been completed.  The issue has been resolved. 

LOVE THIS! Jennifer Love Hewitt has been catching a lot of attention over the racy billboards for her new show, The Client List, but we’re guessing she never expected the surprise she got from Jimmy Kimmel during an appearance on his show earlier this week.

If you’ve ever had a baby, then you know that what’s left of the umbilical cord hangs onto the belly button for a little while before falling out on its own. And when it does, some people like to KEEP IT.  Like HILARY DUFF.  Although her husband, retired hockey player MIKE COMRIE, wasn’t a fan of the idea. Hilary says, quote, “You know what was a big milestone?  The belly button falling off.  That was a huge one. “And then I wanted to keep it but my husband was like, ‘No, that’s gross, you can’t keep it!’  I’m like, ‘I’m totally keeping it,’ and I secretly kept it. “But now it’s not a secret anymore.  It’s in a Ziploc bag in the back of my makeup drawer.  Luca’s going to think I’m a freak!” “The Secret Service does not anticipate any further action.”


And now we turn to News That Will Shock No One on Earth:  MEL GIBSON is bipolar and has rage issues.   A so-called “source” says Mel was diagnosed during his custody battle with ex-girlfriend OKSANA GRIGORIEVA.  He even started taking medication and seeing a shrink. But the source says, quote, “It’s clear to me from listening to the recently released tapes that he most likely isn’t taking his medication, which is sad because when he was taking it he was so much calmer and rational.” Meanwhile, TMZ says Mel might sue screenwriter JOE ESZTERHAS for releasing that new recording of Mel’s latest meltdown. Still, those recordings could mean legal trouble for Mel, too.  Eszterhas has reportedly been in contact with Oksana’s lawyers to discuss threats Mel allegedly made against her in Joe’s presence.
–Tony “Motherfuckin” Danza – 61
–Jack Nicholson – 75
–Carmen Electra – 40
–Don Mattingly – 51
–Queen Elizabeth the 2nd – 86
–Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake – 55 (WWF superstar of the ’80s)
–Crispin Glover – 48 (The VERY weird dude who played George McFly in “Back to the Future”)
–George Takei – 75 (Sulu from “Star Trek”)
–Andie MacDowell – 54 (“Groundhog Day” and “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.)
–Tony Romo – 32 (Dallas Cowboys)
–James McAvoy – 33
–Joey Lawrence – 36 (Blossom’s brother)
–Charlotte Rae – 86 (“Diff’rent Strokes” and “The Facts of Life” )
–Jessica Lange – 63
–Ryan O’Neal – 71 (He used to suckle Farrah Fawcett AND sucker punch her. He moved on to brawling with his son. Ryan was just got diagnosed with stage-four prostate cancer.)–Charles Grodin – 77
–Sherri Shepherd – 45 (“The View” )
–Robert Smith – 53 (The Cure)
–Shavo – 38 (System of a Down)
–Iggy Pop – 65
–Daniel Johns – 33 (Silverchair)
–Peter Frampton – 62 (’70s rock legend.)

Kayla Synz 40 – Today’s birthday girl has had her hands on more pipes than Cheech and Chong……in 87 fine films including:
“Dirty Rotten Mother F’ers Volume 1”
“How Filthy ARE You? Volume 2”
“Destination Tonsils”
“Yeah, I F’d Your Mother”
“Masturbation Nation Volume 4”
“MILF It Does A Boner Good”
“Romancing the B-hole”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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