OK, so someone took our ASK WOODY AND RIZZUTO question the other day (Do you wipe sitting or standing?) and RAN WITH IT. Check out this email we got from Peggy, a fellow NINJA who decided to take the question and do some Facebook polling.   

From: Peggy XXXXXXXX []
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:47 AM
To: Woody and Rizzuto
Subject: Ask Woody and Rizz (bathroom rituals)

Woody, Rizz & Patrico,

I talked to Patrico this morning about this. I asked on fb “sitter or stander?” and a couple other questions came up I thought you guys might be interested in:

1. Standing/sitting, ?
2. scruncher/folder? (tp to wipe with)
3. around knees/ankles? (pants, while pinchin’ a stink pickle) (I found most men are ankles/women are knees)
4. over/under? (tp roll)
5. are you a Inspector? Do you check the paper after each swipe?

6. Double-dipper? Do you wipe twice with the same paper?
7. sit-upright? bend forward? (while sitting or standing)

8. a) Do you inspect the bowl before flushing?

b) If it requires more than one flush will you stay until all evidence is gone? Or walk away leaving your business card?

c) What if you leave graffiti marks in the bowl at a friends/spouses/in-laws/clients house? Do you clean the bowl to cover your tracks?

9. Do you wipe until completely clean or just until you get most of it?
10. Go with the bathroom door open if others are at home? If you’re alone?
11. floater/sinker/don’t care?*

*Apparently, and I learned this from the FB thread, some people believe that floater poo, (floats doesn’t sink) is a perfect poop. They actually want to “achieve” a perfect poop and so, eat a certain diet to try to accomplish this! lmao ” from -“Vegetarians would have you believe that the “perfect” stool (that is, one uncontaminated by the consumption of animal parts) is the Floater. Many vegetarians have spent their entire lives in the quest to produce perfection — when in fact no particular diet can reliably produce Floaters.” I guess everyone has to have a goal?! lol

 And also, apparently, some people can only go under certain conditions: ?!?!

  • home only!- can’t give birth to a San Franciscan love child anywhere but their own home toilet, no matter what!?
  • Have to be naked from the waist down in order to download a brownload?! Or completely naked?! Whats that about??
  • Must be shoeless?! wtf?! how do your feet matter while dropping the mexican boll weevil?!
  • Have to be wearing socks to knit a brown sweater.
  • Must have a dark room to ignite a rectal rocket.
  • Must READ!! Or cannot release a chocolate hostage.
  • Some guys said they have to cover their legs with a towel or something, they get cold?!
  • Some drop a few sheets of tp before getting started to try to prevent splash up.

Interesting poo-bit:  In The Tidong community in northern Borneo, a wedding is the first day of a grueling journey to the deepest levels of Hell and back. It’s the day when the couple must stop pooping for 72 hours. The Tidong tradition dictates that a newly married couple be confined to their house and not empty their bowels or urinate under any possible circumstances for the entirety of 3 nights and 3 days. That’s why they are often carefully watched over by family members and given very little food or water. The Tidong people believe that if the couple makes it, they will lead a happy and long life with lots of non-dead children, so the stakes are pretty high here.

Thought these were interesting questions, lol. Thought maybe there are more, weird bathroom rituals out there, maybe you could do a poll or call in?

Happy Birthday Rizz!!

Suck it Ninja’s!!

~Laughing Ninjette (PC)

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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