In TODAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS we chat about the Octomom getting $500 dollar haircuts, Beyonce being beautiful and Tony Danza (SUH-MAN-TUH?!) coming back to TV….. And we of course have your CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS and WORLD FAMOUS Porno BDAY!
The hairdresser who blew the whistle on “Octomom” NADYA SULEMAN for raising her kids in squalor piled it on yesterday . . . by revealing that Nadya spent $520 on TWO hair appointments with her. All that money went to two haircuts and a “Brazilian blowout” . . which is some kind of chemical straightening treatment. And Nadya spent an additional $80 to buy hair care products from the hairdresser. On April 1st, Nadya revealed that she was receiving $2,000 a month in public assistance. And she made the $520 payout on the 18th. So congratulations, California tax payers . . . YOU’RE the reason Nadya’s hair looks and smells so terrific! Meanwhile . . . TMZ posted some pictures of the conditions at Nadya’s home. We assume these were taken by the hairdresser during her most recent visit. They show a lot of what we’d heard was going on at Nadya’s home . . . like two kids relieving themselves in portable toilet-training potties in the BACKYARD and graffiti all over the place, inside and out. During the hair appointment, Nadya stuffed the kids in a room and shoved a chair back up against the knob to keep them from opening it.
Here are those pictures from the inside her nasty ass HOUSE:
“People” magazine has crowned BEYONCÉ the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. Beyoncé says, quote, “I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.” She adds that since giving birth to her daughter Blue Ivy, quote, “the word love means something completely different now.” Runners up for the honor include Sofia Vergara, Charlize Theron, Michelle Williams, Lily Collins, “Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence, Adele Megan Fox, Kate Middleton, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman and two “Mad Men” minxes, Christina Hendricks and Jessica Paré.
There’s a lot of talk about RYAN SEACREST being the next DICK CLARK . . . but SNOOP DOGG says NOBODY is the next Dick Clark. He says, quote, “Is Ryan Seacrest the new Dick Clark? [Eff] no. Dick Clark [was] a real [N-word].” And he isn’t just saying that. He has a great story to back it up. Back in the early ’90s, when Snoop was just breaking through with his hit “Gin & Juice”, he was supposed to perform on the “American Music Awards”. But ABC didn’t want any part of it, because they thought he was TOO STREET. And that’s when Dick stepped in, and totally WENT GANGSTA on them. Snoop says, quote, “Dick Clark acted [an N-word]. He went stone cold [N-word] on ’em. ‘Whatchu mean he can’t perform?’ He probably said, ‘Whatchu mean this [N-word] can’t perform ‘Gin & Juice’? This mother[effer’s] a hit. “‘If I like it, the [N-word] performs. I am Dick Clark. ABC ain’t [crap] without me.’ “And they said, ‘Dick, we’re gonna let you win this one but he better not do anything crazy.’ And you know what I did? I put my [hair] in an Afro and put in some Afrosheen. [I] had my [stuff] sparkling like a mother[effer] . . . I hurt ’em real bad and I did it real clean.” [[NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE….JUST A WARNING…CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO FROM SNOOP-A-LOOP]]
SPOILER ALERT! One of the fun things about the “Men In Black” movies is seeing which celebrities will be “outed” as aliens. Well, sorry . . . I’m about to spoil that for you. Directory BARRY SONNENFELD says that LADY GAGA, JUSTIN BIEBER and TIM BURTON will be aliens in “Men In Black 3”. That doesn’t mean they’ll make cameos. Their faces will just be shown on the alien surveillance board at Men In Black headquarters. Sonnenfeld says, quote, “The challenge is you have to get permission from these celebrities . . . and you don’t want to go with people that are either a flash in the pan, or political, or people that then in 10 years no one will know who you’re talking about.”
We haven’t heard KESHA’S name in a while, which means it’s about time for her to do something outrageous for attention. Oh wait . . . she already did. Early yesterday morning she Tweeted a picture of herself peeing in the street, along with the caption, “Pee pee on the street. PoPo come and get me if you can find me. I blame traffic.”
CHECK OUT KE$HA IN A BIKINI…..GOOOOOO!
TONY DANZA is developing a sitcom for ABC tentatively called “The Guys”. It’s about “three old friends whose lives have taken them down very different roads, leading them to begin new chapters as they enter their golden years.” That’s pretty vague, but it sounds like this could be like a male version of “Golden Girls”! Tony is expected to star on the show. VINCE VAUGHN is serving as a co-executive producer, but as far as we know he won’t be appearing on the show. If ABC picks it up, it could premiere next season . . . but that’s all we know for now.
–Kevin James – 47 (“The King of Queens”)
–Channing Tatum – 32
–Jet Li – 49
–Carol Burnett – 79
–Joey Jordison – 37 (Slipknot drummer)
–Tom Welling – 35 (Clark Kent on “Smallville”)
–Jordana Brewster – 32 (“Fast and Furious”)
Kerry Louise – 29 – Today’s birthday girl has handled more loads than a longshoreman……in 57 fine films including:
“Asslicious Volume 2”
“Baby Got Boobs Volume 3”
“Ground And Pound”
“Squirtamania Volume 2″