PORN NEWS: TERRORISTS, RELIGION, and A CABLE BILL

So, when the Seals broke into Osama’s compound (which by the way – was one year ago today) they found tons of porn hanging out in his place.  So, check this out..we found a bunch of porno related news.  Read on…it’s not NEARLY as sexy as it sounds!

Hopefully your favorite porno movies of the moment aren’t called “Kick Ass” or “Sexy Tanja”.  Because if they are . . . bad news.  You are now harboring TERRORIST SECRETS. According to Al Qaeda documents that Germany got their hands on last year, Al Qaeda used those two porno movies to pass along secret terror plans.  So, um, if you have them, get rid of them. Those movies contained a plan to seize a cruise ship, and a plan to carry out shooting attacks.  A similar shooting attack killed 164 people in India in 2008. The reports didn’t make it clear HOW they hid those secrets in the movies.  I’m guessing it wasn’t through the DIALOGUE . . . the info was probably encrypted somewhere in the movie files . . . but you never know with these lunatics. This isn’t the only connection between porno and Al Qaeda.  After we took out OSAMA BIN LADEN last year, troops found his GIANT STASH OF PORNOGRAPHY in his compound.

Believe it or not, religious websites are worse for you than porno sites.  Not for your soul, of course.  But for your computer. According to Symantec’s latest report on Internet security, you’re THREE TIMES more likely to get a virus from a RELIGIOUS WEBSITE than from a PORNO SITE. Even though porno sites have a reputation as being dangerous, the study found less than 2% of the infected sites online were porno sites. The number one risk are blogs.  19.8% of the infected sites online are blogs . . . with religious blogs being the most infected. So, um, why is this happening?  Symantec’s theory is that porno sites make good money, so it’s in their best interest to invest in keeping their sites safe from malware.  Self-published sites like blogs are usually hobbies, and their owners rarely have the knowledge or invest the money to keeping them secured.

On April 23rd, 51-year-old Robin Caccavale Bottieri of Hobe Sound, Florida turned on her TV and found the cable had been shut off.  So she called the cable company to ask what happened. They told her it had been shut down over $400 in outstanding charges.  When she pressed them about the charges, they told her the charges were for, quote, “pornography shows.” And that’s when Robin realized her boyfriend had charged $400 worth of porno on her cable bill.   She confronted him, he confessed . . . and she FLIPPED OUT.  She attacked him, hit him, and ended up ripping off his shirt . . . not in a porno way, but in a rage way. She was arrested for domestic battery.  For what it’s worth, the police report lists Robin as being 5-foot-3, 220 pounds.  Just thought you’d want to know.

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s