In today’s DISCOUNT NEWS since it’s Friday and tomorrow it’s Drink-O De Mayo so we are chatting crunkin news. Including: What is Cinco De Mayo. Plus, a dude was so drunk he doesn’t remember getting hit by a TRAIN and a cheap beer feud.
Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, and most people get hammered without knowing what they’re actually celebrating. So here are five things you didn’t know about Cinco de Mayo.
#1.) It’s Not Mexican Independence Day. Mexican Independence Day . . . or “Gritto de Delores” . . . is celebrated on September 16th, and it commemorates the day in 1810 when a Catholic priest declared war on Spain.
#2.) It Celebrates a Victory Over France. In 1861, Mexico defaulted on loans from a bunch of countries in Europe, so France invaded the next year. The French hadn’t been beaten in 50 years, but on May 5th, 1862, the Mexicans won the Battle of Puebla. The French eventually took the country over a year later, but Cinco de Mayo celebrates the FIRST battle.
#3.) It’s More Popular in the U.S. Than It Is in Mexico. It’s not a national holiday In Mexico, and it’s mostly celebrated by people near the city of Puebla, which is in the southeastern part of the country. It only became popular in the U.S. in the 50’s and 60’s, partly because of FDR’s ‘Good Neighbor’ policy of strengthening our ties with Latin America.
#4.) It’s Also Popular in . . . Malta? Malta’s an island nation in the Mediterranean Sea, just below Italy. And Cinco de Mayo is popular there too . . . but only because people in Malta supposedly LOVE Corona. Which makes sense . . .Corona’s sold in over 150 countries, and it’s the fifth best-selling beer in the world.
#5.) They Celebrate in Chandler, Arizona by Racing Chihuahuas. There’s no real reason behind it. Other than the obvious reason that it’s AWESOME.
This is a CRAZY level of drunkenness. This is RUSSIAN-level drunkenness. Early last Sunday, 31-year-old Thomas Boersma of Wisconsin was drunk. EXTREMELY drunk. Around 3:30 A.M. he was walking home and ended up stopping to take a nap . . . leaning against some TRAIN TRACKS. A Canadian Pacific freight train was heading down the tracks and the conductor SAW Thomas leaning against the rail. The conductor tried to slow down, but was still going about 48 miles-per-hour when he CLIPPED Thomas. Then Thomas wandered off. When the cops and paramedics found Thomas . . . he was still so drunk he DIDN’T KNOW he’d been hit by a train. He had suffered severe injuries to his left arm and his buttocks and was taken to the hospital. And just to pile on, he was charged with trespassing, because the cops say he’s passed out on the train tracks before.
If you’re going to STAB someone for a beer, at least get a good microbrew. Or even, like, a Heineken or a Corona or something. Don’t stab a guy for this. On Sunday night, 53-year-old Raul Rivero Riaz of Tice, Florida was standing outside a convenience store, drinking a 16-ounce can of NATURAL ICE beer. That’s one of America’s cheapest beers. 50-year-old Juan Arellano walked up to him, and asked for the Natty Ice. Raul said no. When Juan got angry and insisted, Raul said no again. So Juan STABBED Raul in the abdomen, then grabbed the can of Natural Ice and ran off. The cops caught up with him and arrested him for aggravated battery. Raul was treated for his stab wound.
A week ago, in Lincoln, Nebraska, a 21-year-old college senior at the University of Nebraska named Jessica Robertson was drinking some Pabst Blue Ribbon on a patio with friends. 35-year-old Nehemiah Winters walked up to her, and asked for one of her cans of PBR. She said no. He lifted up his shirt and showed what LOOKED like the handle of a KNIFE sticking out of his pants, so she gave him a can, and he took off. Jessica called the cops, who caught up with Nehemiah and arrested him. He still had the can . . . he’d only drank about half when the cops got there. And they found he didn’t have a knife . . . he actually just had a FORK. Anyway, the police report made the local NBC station’s website. And the higher-ups at Pabst saw it. So, earlier this week, a PBR distributor named Rick Birdsell HAND-DELIVERED three 12-packs of replacement PBR to Jessica, on the house. He even drank one with Jessica and her friends.
HERE ARE SOME OF OUR FAVORITES DRUNK FOLKS:
A suburban St. Louis man is out thousands of dollars, but still apparently cursed, and he wants police to do something about it. A Chesterfield man called police this week to say he was a victim of fraud. He told authorities he has sent thousands of dollars in payment and gifts over the last several years to a California psychic who promised to lift the curse of bad luck in his life. But the man says his bad luck persists. He believes he is a victim of fraud. Police told the man no crime was committed and suggested he hire an attorney to consider civil action.
An infuriated gas customer called police to complain about high gas prices from a Warren Avenue gas station on Wednesday night. Officers responded to Prestige Gas at 761 Warren Ave. after receiving a 911 call at 8:10 p.m. from a man upset at the price of gas. The man, who was not identified, “couldn’t believe super (unleaded) was $4.13 a gallon and he only got 6 gallons for $25,” police logs show. Store clerk Sherry Lincoln said the man paid $25 in cash, pumped his gas, then came back into the store “yelling and screaming in front of the customers.” “He said that he wanted his money back, that he didn’t get $25 in gas,” Lincoln said.
An Illinois man convinced that his new iPhone would only work when he called 9-1-1 was arrested last Wednesday after calling police five times in a row. Michael Alan Skopec, 48, called a baffled police dispatcher to ask, “Why is my iPhone not working?” The patient dispatcher tried to convince Skopec to find another solution, but the slurring 48-year-old pressed on, “This has something to do with Apple, I don’t know.” Convinced the police department was somehow involved, Skopec called a second time. When asked if he had an emergency, he angrily responded, “Yes, I do. My emergency is my f*****g phone don’t work.” After Skopec used up his first polite warning, the dispatcher tried to determine his address, to which he replied, “One oh blah blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, you understand that?” After angering police with a third and fourth call, the dispatcher asked Skopec if they could send a police officer to his house to help him.
CRAZY 911 CALLS: