In today’s CRAP ON CELEBS we chat about American Idol finales, ANOTHER singing competition coming to VH1. We learn something that everyone already knew about Jim Parsons, and how did shows do this year? Plus today’s CRAPPY BDAYS and WORLD FAMOUS PORNO BDAY!

After a record 132.2 million votes were cast, PHILLIP PHILLIPS beat out JESSICA SANCHEZ to become your new American Idol. Once the chaos dies down and he’s done doing publicity, Phillip will get the KIDNEY SURGERY he’s been needing.
This might cause him to miss a few dates on this summer’s “Idols Live” tour. In addition to some soon-to-be forgotten Idols, last night’s finale also put the spotlight on some ALREADY-forgotten Idols. ACE YOUNG brought his girlfriend DIANA DEGARMO up onstage to PROPOSE to her. Ace was on Season 5 . . . Diana was on Season 3.

If there’s one thing we DESPERATELY need, it’s another singing competition. Thankfully, VH1 has answered the call. They’re developing a show called “60-Minute Superstar”, which is described as a, quote, “fast-paced music competition series that plucks unsuspecting singers out of their everyday lives to give them a shot at stardom.” If that doesn’t sound exciting enough, the wannabe singers won’t even have to audition. Instead, they’ll be “secretly nominated” by friends, family and co-workers . . . and the producers will select “diamonds in the rough” to mold into a STAR. These “stars” will perform at the end of each episode . . . and at the end of the season, they’ll compete for a single grand prize. There’s no word on what that is yet.

In news that will totally shock no one anywhere, “Big Bang Theory” star JIM PARSONS is gay. Technically, he didn’t come out of the closet. His sexuality was revealed at the end of a story the “New York Times” did about his work on Broadway.The piece said, quote, “Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship.” There’s been no word yet from Parsons himself. But Jim’s sexuality wasn’t exactly the biggest secret in Hollywood.

On Tuesday…..Anderson Cooper had Sarah Burge on the show…..she is the British woman known as the “Human Barbie”, because she holds the Guinness World Record for most plastic surgeries. And good for him….Anderson Cooper got to tell this bitch what just about everyone agrees on: She’s a horrible, horrible person. Burge was a guest on Anderson’s daytime talk show on CNN, and he grilled her for letting her 15-year-old daughter get Botox just to keep her from sweating during beauty pageants. Burge’s BEST defense was when she said, quote, “You wouldn’t see Beyoncé sweating on the stage, would you?” To which Anderson said, quote, “Actually, you DO.” Then Burge claimed that if she didn’t LET her daughter get Botox, she would have just gone to some, quote, “voodoo witch doctor,” or gotten it online and injected it herself. That’s when Anderson stopped the interview by saying, quote, “I honestly have nothing more to talk to you about . . . I try to be really polite to all my guests, [but] I just think you’re DREADFUL, and I honestly don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Burge then walked off the set, and Anderson went to commercial. Anderson said afterward that he regrets having her on in the first place.

Screw soap operas…..Usher’s child custody trial has all the drama a lonely housewife needs — ’cause his ex-wife’s lawyer dropped a bombshell in court yesterday. USHER is still in court, fighting for custody of his two kids with his ex-wife TAMEKA FOSTER. Yesterday, Tameka’s lawyer accused Usher of nailing one of her bridesmaids . . . while he and Tameka were still married.

It’s been over two years since JAY LENO stole the “Tonight Show” back from CONAN O’BRIEN . . . but that doesn’t mean that they can look back and laugh about it now. In an interview with the “Hollywood Reporter”, Conan says that he doesn’t see himself talking to Jay . . . EVER AGAIN. He says, quote, “The odds are we will both leave this Earth without speaking to each other, which is fine. There’s really nothing to say. We both know the deal. He knows, I know. I’d rather just forget.” He probably doesn’t mind dealing with NBC though, because not many of the people from two years ago are still there. Conan says, quote, “It helps that almost everybody involved in the craziness has been relieved of their jobs.”

Nielsen Media Research has released a list of The Most-Watched Shows of the 2011-2012 TV Season. Technically, these aren’t the FINAL results. This is current up through last week . . . and the season didn’t end until LAST NIGHT. But the numbers shouldn’t change much. Here’s the Top 10:
1.) “Sunday Night Football”
2.) “American Idol”
3.) “NCIS”
4.) The “American Idol” Thursday night results show
5.) “Dancing with the Stars” Monday performance shows.
6.) The “Sunday Night Football” pre-game show
7.) “NCIS: Los Angeles”
8.) “Dancing with the Stars” Tuesday results shows.
9.) “The Big Bang Theory”
10.) “The Voice”

FOX: The season premiere of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
ABC: The premieres of DUETS and ROOKIE BLUE
MTV: THE PAULY D PROJECT and on PUNK’D – Heather Morris pranks Joe Jonas, Cody Simpson and Emma Roberts.
TLC: The debut of ON THE FLY….a new reality series following Southwest Airline customers and employees as they travel, both in the air and on the ground.

–Tommy Chong – 74
–John C. Reilly – 47
–Priscilla Presley – 67 (Elvis’s ex-wife and Lisa Marie’s mother)
–Mark Ballas – 26 (“Dancing with the Stars”)
–Patti LaBelle – 68 (Soul and dance music legend)
–Will Sasso – 37 (“MadTV”and Curly in the “Three Stooges” movie)
–Bob Dylan – 71
–Gary Burghoff – 69 (Corporal Radar O’Reilly on “M*A*S*H”)

Emma Heart – 24 – Today’s birthday girl has been screwed harder than Facebook stock holders……in 166 fine films including:
“Anal Cavity Search Volume 5”
“Innocent Until Proven Filthy Volume 6”
“Tinkle Time Volume 3”
“12 Nasty Girls Masturbating Volume 15”
“Bubble Butts Drive Brothas Nutz Volume 3”
“Teenage Spermaholics Volume 6”
“Cameltoe Workout Volume 3”
“Wet Food Volume 2″


About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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