Maybe you have the perfect plan. It was set and good to go. Then all of sudden, almost out of no where, MEGA….UBER….ULTRA….FAILLLLL! You can read the stories, hear the audio, and watch the videos of ALL the FRIDAY FAIL STORIES!  Plus, listen to Rizz and his “voice of an angel” sing the Friday FAIL THEME SONG! It’s glorious!



The University of Texas in Austin had its graduation over the weekend.  And hopefully they turned out a few good copy editors.  Because based on their graduation program, there SHOULD be a new job open. There was a GLARING typo on the cover of the program listing all the graduates of UT’s Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs.  It read, quote, “Lyndon B. Johnson School of PUBIC Affairs.” Every single person who attended the Public Affairs school’s graduation got one of the programs . . . that means little sisters and GRANDMAS were getting these things. The assistant dean of the school issued an apology.  Quote, “Our deepest apologies to our 2012 graduates for the egregious typo in our program.”  All of the students will get a corrected program with the correct spelling.

We FINALLY have proof that people who BURN BOOKS are idiots.  We’ve always KNOWN they were morons, but now we’ve found their poster child. On Tuesday night, 25-year-old Joshua Hughes of Lincoln, Nebraska hid inside a library at the University of Nebraska, so he could burn books after it closed at 11:00 P.M.  Joshua set three books on fire, then tried to leave . . . but realized he was locked in.  The smoke was filling up the room, and he was trapped.  So . . . he had to call 911 and ask them to RESCUE HIM from the book fire he’d started. They came and saved him, and he was arrested for arson.  Unfortunately, the police chief told reporters he didn’t know WHICH books Joshua wanted to burn.  But after the arrest, Joshua asked if he could call GEORGE W. BUSH, because he wanted his favorite president to know he was in trouble. The library says other than the three books he burned, there was no other major damage.

I love when a DINE-AND-DASH goes wrong.  Because people are always good at the dining part . . . but keep coming up with new ways to botch the dashing aspect. Here’s the latest.  Earlier this week, four teenagers were at a restaurant called Cinderella’s in Sylvan Beach, New York.  They ate their meal . . . then took off without paying the bill. But when they got to the car, their plan fell apart.  Turns out the 17-year-old girl who was driving had LOCKED HER KEYS in the car. They thought about calling Triple-A, but decided it would take too long.  So they idiotically went with option two, going to a police station down the street for help. By that point, employees from the restaurant had called the cops and filled them in on what happened . . . and all four were arrested for theft of services.


Cops in Cali raided the wrong house…they kicked the family out…the woman asked if she could put out the stove.  They refused.  And then THEY had to put out the FIRE that started in the families kitchen!

People generally think pretty highly of brain surgeons and their intelligence.  Like, if you want to say something’s easy, you say “It doesn’t take a brain surgeon” to do it.  But this guy might singlehandedly ruin that reputation. Dr. Steve Carr is a brain surgeon in Denver, Colorado.  Last month, he and his girlfriend Mary were on vacation in Naples, Florida . . . and he wanted to propose to her. So he decided to BURY the engagement ring in the sand, take Mary to the beach, dig up the ring, and propose.  But when they got to the beach . . . he couldn’t remember where he’d buried the ring.  We’re not sure if he didn’t mark the spot or what, but when he couldn’t find the ring, he started digging.  So he told Mary what happened, and SHE started digging.  Then OTHER people on the beach started digging.  But no one could find the ring. After two hours, they went online to find a local ‘ring finder’.  Yes, there’s actually a nationwide ‘Ring Finder’ network that handles this kind of thing.  A guy named Larry Spearing showed up with a metal detector, and was able to find the ring.  There’s no word on what he charged.  Steve proposed to Mary, and for some reason she still said yes.

You may not remember YOUNG BUCK, but the IRS does. Buck owes over $330,000 in back taxes . . . and the IRS got a court order to force him out of his Tennessee mansion by last Wednesday.  It’s unclear if he’s left yet, but he was supposedly seen moving boxes from the house last week. The mansion will be sold to pay off the debt.

A West Virginia Pentecostal pastor who used poisonous snakes during religious services has died of a rattlesnake bite. Mack Wolford, who just turned 44, was killed by a snake he had owned for years. He was bitten during an outdoor service at a state park he had hoped would be a “homecoming like the old days,” filled with people speaking in tongues, handling snakes and having a “great time,” he said on his Facebook page. “Praise the Lord and pass the rattlesnakes, brother,” he wrote last week. Wolford was bitten on the thigh when he sat next to the rattlesnake during the service. He was taken to a relative’s home to recover, but was rushed later to a local hospital where he was declared dead. Wolford believed that the Bible requires Christians to handle poisonous snakes to test their faith in God, and remain steadfast in their belief that they will not be bitten or will be healed if they are attacked. Wolford was the son of a snake-handler preacher who died of a snake bite when Wolford was 15.


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Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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