MONDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & PORNO BDAY

In today’s CRAP ON CELEBS we chat about the MTV VMA’s and everything you need to know.  Plus, some celebrity deaths that you need to know about.  And of course, check out today’s CRAPPY BDAYS and the PORNO BIRTHDAY!

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Everything You Need to Know About the MTV Movie Awards in Sixty Seconds:
The MTV Movie Awards went down last night. And everything you need to know about the show can be summed up in about three minutes. Here we go . . .RUSSELL BRAND’S monologue . . . and his humor throughout the show . . . was pretty predictable and not terribly funny. He busted on CHARLIE SHEEN and his failed marriage to KATY PERRY, among other things. Here’s video. JOHNNY DEPP received the “Generation Award” from STEVEN TYLER and JOE PERRY of AEROSMITH. He gave a brief speech and rocked onstage with the BLACK KEYS. ROBERT PATTINSON wasn’t there, so KRISTEN STEWART had to accept their award for Best Kiss by herself. She tried to get Taylor Lautner, Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron to jump up onstage and take Rob’s place, but no one bit. So she had to kind of awkwardly go it alone. You can see that here. “Magic Mike” co-stars Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum and Joe Manganiello presented Elizabeth Banks with the Best Transformation award for “The Hunger Games”. And there was DRY-HUMPING. Here’s video. There was a pretty funny “tribute” to EMMA STONE that included Steve Carell, Jim Carrey and Jason Sudeikis, among others. You’ll find it here. They showed some cool new footage from “The Dark Knight Returns”. And you can see it here. Oh, and some people won awards, too. “Hunger Games” and “Twilight”, mostly. Here’s the list.

Former “Family Feud” host RICHARD DAWSON passed away Saturday night of cancer of the esophagus.  He was 79. He did some movies and TV shows, but obviously he’s best known for becoming the original host of “Family Feud” in 1976. He continued kissing female contestants on the “Feud” up through 1985.  He came back and did one more season in 1994, taking over for RAY COMBS . . . who had been HIS successor. Oddly enough, Ray committed suicide in 1996 . . . on June 2nd . . . and since Richard passed away on Saturday, that means they died on the SAME DAY.) When Richard first left the “Feud” in 1985, an executive producer estimated that he had kissed “somewhere in the vicinity of 20,000 women.” One of them was Gretchen Johnson, who came on with her family in 1981.  They started dating soon after that, and got married in 1991.  They had a daughter, and were still married at the time of his death.

Meanwhile, KATHRYN JOOSTEN has also passed away.  She was 72.  Kathryn played Karen McCluskey on “Desperate Housewives” and Mrs. Landingham on “The West Wing”. Like Richard Dawson, she died on Saturday, and she also died of cancer.  In Kathryn’s case, it was lung cancer.  She’d been fighting the disease for over a decade, and on “Desperate Housewives” they wrote her fight with cancer into the show. She died on the final episode which just aired a few weeks ago!

ANDY SAMBERG has announced that he IS leaving “Saturday Night Live” . . . just days after saying that “nothing has been decided.” So no Andy Samberg and no KRISTEN WIIG?  That’s not good. He said, quote, “It’s an incredibly emotional and strange moment in my life.  Obviously it’s not a huge shock, but I did officially decide not to come back . . . [it was] one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made.”

According to a Ticketmaster posting, Slipknot will headline its own festival, called Knotfest, in Pacific Junction in the band’s home state of Iowa on August 17th. Other acts that will appear on the bill include Deftones, Lamb Of God, Serj Tankian, Dethklok, Prong and THE URGE (??) Tickets for the one-day event are slated to go on sale at 11:00 a.m. ET on Friday….for $35 each. Official confirmation of the show is likely to happen today. We’re guessing it’s the  “big announcement” that the band has been teasing via its Twitter page for several days. There is no indication yet whether Slipknot plans to take Knotfest on the road.

Let’s get this straight right off the bat:  CHARLIE SHEEN never promised us he was going straight edge.  So it’s not exactly big news if he’s dipping into certain substances again. But is his partying reaching the EPIC levels that it did last year when he suffered his “winning” meltdown?  Some say YES. Apparently things are getting out of control pretty regularly at Charlie’s house these days. A source says, quote, “There has been an abnormally high [level] of activity at the house all hours of the night.  Cars containing scantily clad women arrive very late in the evening and don’t leave until the next day. The women always appear to be wearing the same clothes they arrived in, and looking a little worse for the wear.  There are also a number of random vehicles parked all over his driveway and in front of his house. The party goers, including Sheen, will smoke cigarettes outside in his backyard and swear loudly.  It’s becoming a nuisance, and the residents don’t like outsiders lurking around all the time.” The reason things are going off the rails again is because Charlie isn’t working at the moment.  The first season of his new show “Anger Management” is in the can, so he’s got free time. The source says, quote, “Things always go awry with Charlie when he isn’t working.”

Hollywood Undead was none too pleased when the lead singer quit, and they acted out their anger by beating the crap out of him — according to allegations made in a police report. Aron “Deuce” Erlichman was the lead singer of Hollywood Undead, a popular rap/rock band.  Deuce decided to quit the band a few months ago to launch a solo career. Since then, Deuce claims he has been a target of the former band member’s anger and threats. On May 25, Deuce performed at Angels & Kings — a Hollywood hotspot.  After his gig, Deuce left the club and claims his former bandmates were “lying in wait.” Deuce claims when they spotted him, they jumped him and went to town — punching, kicking and stomping on him. Deuce says a friend of his was injured as well while trying to defend him. Deuce says he was badly hurt and went to cops, alleging former bandmates Dylan “FunnyMan” Alvarez and Jorel “J-Dog” Decker were the primary culprits. Deuce also told cops the two dudes had someone videotape the attack — which he believes means the attack was premeditated. Now, Deuce plans to sue — and has already hired a lawyer. Cops are investigating. So far, no comment from FunnyMan or J-Dog.

JASON ALEXANDER has apologized for calling cricket a “gay” sport. In a blog post, the former “Seinfeld” star explained Sunday what led to his remark on CBS’s Late Late Show. He writes that he at first didn’t grasp why some might object to the comment, but that subsequent conversations with his gay friends led him to realize his insensitivity. Alexander’s remarks came in Friday’s show in which he tells host Craig Ferguson that aspects of cricket make it a “gay game” compared to other sports. The actor’s 1,000-word-plus “message of amends” said that the joking remark plays into “hurtful assumptions and diminishments” about people. Alexander also writes that as an actor with many gay friends, he “should know better.”

The Octomom’s slippery slope to hardcore pornography continues.  TMZ says NADYA SULEMAN will be STRIPPING at T’s Lounge in West Palm Beach, Florida from July 11th through the 15th. Unfortunately . . . or fortunately, depending on your take . . . Octo will only be going TOPLESS, and she won’t be doing lap dances.  But she’ll make, quote, “thousands” from the gig.

MONDAY TV:
NBC SPORTS NET: Game 3 of the “Stanley Cup Finals” The Los Angeles Kings host the New Jersey Devils
NBC: AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR
FOX: The season premieres of HELL’S KITCHEN and MASTERCHEF
ABC: THE BACHELORETTE

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Angelina Jolie – 37
–Horatio Sanz – 43  (Former SNL’er)
–Dr. Ruth – 84
–Russell Brand – 37
–Bar Refaeli – 27
–Noah Wyle – 41  (“ER”.)
–Scott Wolf – 44  (Bailey on “Party of Five”.  He ended up marrying a former “Real World” cast member. His wife is Kelley Limp, from the New Orleans season.)
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Jenaveve Jolie – 28 – Today’s birthday girl has smoked more sausage than Kenricks…..in 374 fine films including:
The lesbian classic “All Holes No Poles Volume 3”,
“King Dong Volume 4”
“Tales From The Gloryhole”
“Finger Fun Volume 2”
“BJ Ninjas Volume 4”
“Whores Don’t Wear Panties Volume 2”
“Lord of the Squirt”, “Potty Mouth”
“Chloroformed Without Clothes”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
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