FRIDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBRITIES & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

Today’s Crap on Celebs we chat about Michael Jackson and his masked kids, Charlie Sheen has another blow up.  We chat about new movies coming out this weekend and of course rock out your crappy bdays and your PORNO BIRHTHDAY!

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In an interview airing this weekend on “Oprah’s Next Chapter”, PARIS JACKSON says she was CONFUSED when MICHAEL used to make her and her brothers wear masks in public.  But now she understands the logic. He wanted the kids to have a NORMAL CHILDHOOD.  Stick with me now, because even though it sounds crazy, it’s actually kind of brilliant. Michael covered the kids faces when they were with HIM, so nobody would know what they looked like.  That way, he could send them out without him, and nobody would realize they were his kids. In other words, they could just act like normal children, because that’s all anybody would think they were. And that was important to him because, quote, “He told us when he was younger, he didn’t really have a childhood.  He would always be stuck in the studio singing, while other kids were out playing.” We always mocked Michael for putting masks on his kids.  But maybe he was smarter than us all?

Now that Marvel’s “Avengers” movie is one of the most successful films of all time, DC Comics is once again trying to get a “Justice League” movie off the ground. The Justice League is basically DC’s version of The Avengers.  Its members include Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash and Green Lantern. A writer is working on the script as we speak.  It’s possible that next year’s Superman reboot “Man of Steel”, starring HENRY CAVILL, might act as sort of a lead-in. One of the bigger questions is whether CHRISTIAN BALE would return to play Batman.  And the answer . . . at least the one we’ve gotten so far . . . is NO. Bale has stated pretty categorically that “The Dark Knight Rises” is his last Batman movie.

Earlier this week, MARK-PAUL GOSSELAAR said that “Saved By the Bell” was, quote, “not a great show,” and that the writing was “kind of hokey.”  Of course, that seemed like BLASPHEMY. But now, he says that he didn’t mean to knock the show, even if the writing was a little cheesy.  He says, quote, “That’s why people like it!  I wasn’t saying it was a bad show, just that the writing reflected [the cheesiness of the ’80s].”

 

On Wednesday night, CHARLIE SHEEN hit the Staples Center in Los Angeles to watch Game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals between the L.A. Kings and the New Jersey Devils. But when it was time to light up, Charlie went outside the building . . . and that’s where the trouble began. You see, once you leave the Staples Center, you can’t go back in.  There are designated smoking areas INSIDE so people don’t run into that problem.  But apparently Charlie didn’t know that. Because when he tried to go back in, a female security guard wouldn’t let him.  And he got mad.  And of course, it was all caught on video by the paparazzi. We’ve got the video on today’s show blog…..Charlie didn’t seem to be under the influence of anything except ANGER. He got into a heated back-and-forth with the woman, in which he dropped a few F-bombs and suggested that she suck it.  But she held her own…..she’s also kind of hot AND bad-ass.  She admits she told Charlie to “[Eff] off”, and says she doesn’t care who he is. In a separate paparazzi video that was recorded as Charlie was making his way INTO the Staples Center, someone tells Charlie to, quote, “[Eff] all the hos tonight.”  And Charlie replies, quote, “I thought your mother and sister weren’t available.”

NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND:
#1.)  “Prometheus”  Ridley Scott’s new “Alien” movie about a spaceship sent to discover the origin of mankind.  Only they find the source of all those eggs from the first movie. Noomi Rapace plays the lead scientist . . . she’s the girl from the Swedish version of “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”.  Charlize Theron is the mission supervisor, and Michael Fassbender is an android assigned to protect the company’s interests.

#2.)  “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted”  The animals from “Madagascar” are still trying to make their way back home, so they join a travelling circus to get from Europe to New York. All the original voice cast is back . . . with Ben Stiller as Alex the lion, Chris Rock as Marty the zebra, Jada Pinkett Smith as Gloria the hippo, and David Schwimmer as Melman the giraffe.

#3.)  “Bel Ami”  Robert Pattinson plays a guy who seduces his way out of poverty in 1890s Paris.  Christina Ricci is one of Rob’s costars, and a few months ago she talked about how he spends most of the movie NAKED. The other ladies in his life include Uma Thurman, Kristin Scott Thomas, and Natalia Tena . . . who you know as both Nymphadora Tonks in the “Harry Potter” movies, and the oddly-sexy ‘wildling’ Osha on HBO’s “Game of Thrones”.

SATURDAY TV:
NBC: If necessary…..Game 5 of the “Stanley Cup Finals” and SNL is a repeat with Maya Rudolph and musical guest Sleigh Bells
SPIKE TV: “Spike’s Guys Choice 2012” Adam Sandler, Emma Stone, Jeremy Renner, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis and Seth MacFarlane make appearances.

SUNDAY:
AMC: The season finale of MAD MEN
HBO: The season premiere of TRUE BLOOD
SHOWTIME: NURSE JACKIE and THE BIG C
OWN: “Oprah’s Next Chapter” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN.  Oprah speaks with Paris Jackson and 50 Cent.
CBS: Neil Patrick Harris hosts THE 66TH ANNUAL TONY AWARDS
ABC: SECRET MILLIONAIRE and EXTREME MAKEOVER: WEIGHT LOSS EDITION

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
–Kate Upton – 20
–Johnny Depp – 49
–Kanye West – 35
–Natalie Portman – 31
–Joan Rivers – 79
–Michael J. Fox – 51
–Nancy Sinatra – 72  (Frank’s daughter, who gave us “These Boots Are Made For Walkin'”.)
–Dick Vitale – 73
–Maria Menounos – 34  (“Access Hollywood” and the “Today” show)
–Julianna Margulies – 46
–Jackie Mason – 76
–Elizabeth Hurley – 47
–Jerry Stiller – 85  (George’s dad on “Seinfeld”, Carrie’s dad on “King of Queens” AND Ben Stiller’s dad in real life)
–Keenen Ivory Wayans – 54
–Barbara Bush – 87  (Husband of George H.W. Bush, mother of Jeb and George W. Bush and the sexiest first lady this side of Mary Todd Lincoln)
–Matthew Bellamy – 34  (The lead singer and songwriter for Muse, and Kate Hudson’s baby-daddy)
–Gabrielle Giffords – 42 (Arizona congresswoman who survived a gunshot wound to the head)
–Tedy Bruschi – 39  (Former NFL player who now works for ESPN)
–Gina Gershon – 50


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Samantha Strong – 45 – Today’s birthday girl has been packed more than the Cheesecake Factory on a Friday night……in 177 fine films including:
“Snatch Adams”
“Backside To The Future Volume 2”
“Nightmare on Dyke Street”
“Silence of the Buns”
“Deep Throat 2”
“Anal Madness Volume 1”
“Starship Intercourse”
“Misadventures of the Bang Gang”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
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