FRIDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY!

On today’s CRAP ON CELEB chat we talked about is Kris Jenner the one behind the Kim and Ray J sex tape?! Plus check out Kristen Stewart topless and skiing two dudes.  Plus we chat about Dave Chappelle and JJ Walker. Plus today’s CRAP ON CELEBS and PORNO BDAY!

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Ok…..this next story sounds a little fishy ONLY because of the source……but STILL seems entirely possible. There’s a rumor going around today that Kris Jenner (Kim Kardashian’s mom) was actually behind Kim’s infamous sex tape.  And she even made Kim and RAY J re-shoot it because the first one wasn’t good enough. This “information” comes from a woman named Myla Sinanaj….who Kim’s ex-husband KRIS HUMPHRIES was nailing after he and Kim broke up.  She says Humphries told her about Kris Jenner’s involvement in the tape.

Someone snuck a recording device into a theater showing KRISTEN STEWART’S new movie “On the Road” and got a clip of Kristen TOPLESS. It’s not much, but it’s basically our first chance to catch a glimpse of those bad boys. In the scene, Kristen is in the front seat of a car between two guys, and she’s SHAKE-WEIGHTING both of them at the same time, if you catch my drift. We obviously can’t put the link on the stations website….but we have the link to it on our twitter page. So follow us on Twitter…..Twitter.com/WAR1057

Last summer, things got weird at a DAVE CHAPPELLE standup gig in Florida.  He hardly told any jokes . . . instead he went back and forth with loud audience members, checked his texts and even gave the crowd the silent treatment. He later said he was thrown off by RUDE SEMINOLE INDIANS (the gig was at the Seminole Hard Rock). Well, he did it again Tuesday night in Austin, Texas. It all started when Chappelle noticed someone in the audience recording his show.  He took the guy’s camera, and ended up in a back-and-forth with not only him, but other people in the crowd who were shouting things at him. But Chappelle wasn’t cutting them down. The show just turned into a conversation with the audience . . .VERY few jokes…..which not everyone was happy about. At one point he even said, quote, “This ISH doesn’t happen to Chris Rock.  He has material.”

“Good Times” superstar JIMMIE “JJ” WALKER is still out there doing standup at 65.  And he has a memoir coming out next Tuesday called “Dyn-O-Mite!:  Good Times, Bad Times, Our Times”. In that book he takes some shots JAY LENO. Back in the day, Jimmie used to pay both Jay and DAVID LETTERMAN $150 a week to write jokes for him. But Jimmie says that once Leno made it big, he turned his back on all the other struggling comics in their circle.  And he continues to shun the up-and-comers to this day. Jimmie says, quote, “In his however many years on the air, he has not broken one comic.” He says that Jay also once drove a comedy writer to SUICIDE.  And perhaps even worse, he once stole one of Jimmie’s jokes. Jimmie says he was banned from “Tonight Show” in 1993 for telling a Jeffrey Dahmer joke that Jay supposedly didn’t like. But Jimmie says, quote, “A couple weeks later, Leno was quoted in a national magazine with a joke about Dahmer.  It was my joke!”

GREEN DAY is releasing a TRILOGY of albums within four months later this year . . . and they’re aiming for a NEW sound . . . something along the lines of AC/DC and the BEATLES. Singer BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG says they’re changing the guitar sound…and not going with the big Marshall-amp thing….they wanted something punchier . . . more power pop . . . somewhere between AC/DC and the early Beatles. Billie Joe says that their last album “21st Century Breakdown” got “too serious,” and they wanted to have “more fun.”  But they didn’t want to go back to the stuff they were doing on “Dookie” and “Kerplunk”.

Octomom Nudya Suleman is not known for his business acumen but that didn’t stop the mom-turned-porn star from landing a gig as a pitch person for a high interest loan company. TMZ.com reports that she has landed a deal to endorse a company called OctoLoan which connects people to cash lenders. Someone who is financially strapped could potentially borrow as much as $1000 instantly. The loans come at a steep cost. They’re short term and the interest rate is more than 600% APR. SPEAKING OF OCTOMOM…Check out her appearance on STERN this week….where she RODE THE SYBIAN!

Earlier this week actor Johnny Depp and his girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, announced that they were splitting after 14 years. It appears the actor, who is worth $25 million, is going to do the right thing. Although he and Paradis were never married he is allegedly going to give her half of everything according to published reports. That’s quite a generous move considering he could have probably gotten away with giving her considerably less. They have two kids together.

The action flick “Taken” starring LIAM NEESON was an unexpected hit . . . and unexpectedly AWESOME. The sequel, in which bad guys seek revenge for a bunch of the dudes Liam killed in the first movie, hits theaters October 2nd.  The trailer is online NOW

IN THEATERS TODAY:
#1.) “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”  Benjamin Walker plays an axe-wielding version of Abe Lincoln, who dedicates his life to hunting vampires after his mom is killed by one.  Even though Lincoln fights the undead, he still becomes president and goes through the Civil War. Anthony Mackie, from “8 Mile” and the Tupac flick “Notorious”, plays his sidekick.  And Mary Todd Lincoln is played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, the minx from that “Thing” prequel and Quentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof”.

The Linkin Park song “Powerless” plays over the end credits and you can watch their “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” music video.

There’s a video from FunnyOrDie.com that rips on “Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter” by suggesting several historical-horror follow-ups. They include “James K. Polk:  Frankenstein Wrestler” and “FDR:  Dragon Whisperer”. CHECK THEM OUT HERE!

#2.)  “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World”  Steve Carell goes looking for his high school sweetheart when an asteroid threatens the planet. Keira Knightley is a neighbor who agrees to take him to find that other girl, so long as he helps get her back to her family in England.

#3.)  “Brave”….it’s the latest Disney-Pixar movie, Kelly Macdonald from “Nanny McPhee” plays a princess of the Scottish Highlands.  She asks a witch to change her fate . . . and gets her wish when her three little brothers are all transformed into bears. Billy Connolly and Emma Thompson play her parents, and the lords of the land are voiced by Craig Ferguson, “Grey’s Anatomy” stud Kevin McKidd, and the guy who plays Hagrid in the “Harry Potter” movies, Robbie Coltrane.

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
–Kurt Warner – 41
–Carson Daly – 39
–Bruce Campbell – 54  (From the “Evil Dead” movies and these days he’s Sam Axe on the USA Network show “Burn Notice”.)
–Cyndi Lauper – 59
–Meryl Streep – 63
–Lindsay Wagner – 63  (“The Bionic Woman”!)
–Kris Kristofferson – 76
–Melissa Rauch – 32  (Bernadette on “The Big Bang Theory”.)
–LaDainian Tomlinson – 33  (Former NFL running back for the Chargers and Jets)
–Jason Mraz – 35
–Selma Blair – 40  (She’s gonna be on Charlie Sheen’s FX show “Anger Management”, which premieres next week)
–Joss Whedon – 48  (Creator of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel”…and he directed “The Avengers”)
–Frances McDormand – 55  (Sheriff Marge Gunderson in “Fargo”)
–Randy Jackson – 56  (“American Idol” judge)
–Glenn Danzig – 57
–Clarence Thomas – 64  (Extremely randy Supreme Court justice)
–Minka Kelly – 32
–Mindy Kaling – 33  (Kelly Kapoor on “The Office”)
–Mick Fleetwood – 70  (Fleetwood Mac)

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Cynara Fox – 32 – Today’s birthday girl has taken in more people than a soup kitchen…….in 68 fine films including:
“Black Attack Gang Bang Volume 3”
“Throat Gaggers Volume 5”
“Wet Inc. Volume 2”
“Enema Affairs Volume 4”
“Girls Of Anal Valley”
“The Sopornos Volume 5”
“Gooey Buns Volume 2”
“Negro In Mrs. Jones Volume 5”
“Beauty and the 14 Inch Beast”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
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