Maybe you have the perfect plan. It was set and good to go. Then all of sudden, almost out of no where, MEGA….UBER….ULTRA….FAILLLLL! You can read the stories, hear the audio, and watch the videos of ALL the FRIDAY FAIL STORIES!  Plus, listen to Rizz and his “voice of an angel” sing the Friday FAIL THEME SONG! It’s glorious!


After working months with U.S. intelligence, the Mexican navy said it believed it had nabbed a big prize in a known Guadalajara narco-haven: the son of Mexico’s top fugitive drug lord. But it turned out they got the wrong man. The man arrested Thursday as the presumed son of Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman is really Felix Beltran Leon, 23, and not Alfredo Guzman Salazar, as the Mexican Navy had presented him, the Attorney General’s Office said Friday. The stocky, baby-faced suspect had been presented as the son of Guzman, the chief of the Sinaloa Cartel, and a Navy official described him as a rising operator in the international drug trafficking organization. But Beltran Leon’s wife, Karla Pacheco, said he is the father of a toddler and works with his mother-in-law at a used car dealership. The Attorney General’s Office said that “necessary tests” had proved that he wasn’t the drug lord’s son, but said he would remain under investigation for the guns and money found during his arrest.

The chimpanzee habitat at the Los Angeles Zoo was open for visitors Wednesday, a day after a baby chimp was killed by an adult male in front of dozens of visitors. The baby’s mother, Gracie, was allowed to keep the chimp’s body after Tuesday afternoon’s attack. Zookeepers will decide how long she keeps it, said spokesman Jason Jacobs. He said he didn’t know what would happen to the baby’s body after it was taken from the mother. The infant was the first chimpanzee born at the zoo since 1999. There are 13 chimpanzees left at the zoo. The unnamed infant was born March 6 and had been gradually introduced to the troop, one of the largest in a North American zoo. There were no aggressive signs, Jacobs said, but it is common in the wild for males to kill the offspring of females they are interested in.

Earlier this week, they stole 9.5 TONS of garlic from a warehouse in Spain.  That’s 19,000 POUNDS of garlic.  They loaded it into three vans . . . then started driving across Europe toward Romania with the garlic in tow. They made it through France and Slovenia without getting caught . . . but as they drove through Austria and hit the Austrian-Hungarian border, police stationed there caught the OVERPOWERING STENCH of garlic. They searched the three vans . . . which were apparently SAGGING from the weight of all the garlic . . . and confiscated all of it.  The value was about $37,500.  All five men were arrested for receiving stolen goods. The men were from the Transylvania region of Romania.  And no, jackass, they didn’t steal the garlic to ward off Dracula.  Garlic is popular with tourists who visit, so it’s believed they planned to sell it.

Cops in Nebraska had a tense three-hour standoff with an armed driver last week, but it finally ended in a shoot-out…when the guy got out of his car to pee! Shot twice..taken into custody!  FAIL!

A guy in Maryland was arrested for shoplifting for his job a Nordstrom.  He drew suspicion when he wore a long winter coat on a 97-degree day! FAIL!

Store break-ins are not unheard of, but one would-be burglar’s head wasn’t totally in the game. The man’s head got caught under a stubborn garage door, which pinned him to the ground for nine hours overnight. A manager at the Rent-A-Center in Brockton, Mass., noticed the intruder’s body and legs protruding from the garage Tuesday morning, The Enterprise reports. Like any good witness, the manager pulled out his smartphone and started recording. “How long you been in there?” the manager asks in the video. “Um … Since this morning,” the man with his right cheek pressed to the ground replies. “What time this morning?” “Probably since … oh … probably 12 o’clock this morning.” “You OK though?” “Oh yeah, I’m fine,” the alleged burglar says, with his head pinned under the garage door. You can see some of the manager’s video….

New Mexico police say 44-year-old Doug Phillippi and a group of his friends were swimming in the Pecos River around 8:30 p.m. Sunday. They say Phillippi decided to climb to the top of the railroad bridge to jump into the water. According to witnesses, Phillippi lost his balance and fell as he was walking along the top of the trestle. Phillippi struck the walkway handrail and fell into the water. Authorities say Phillippi was pulled from the water, but was unconscious and not breathing. He died early Monday at Carlsbad Medical Center. Police say alcohol is believed to be a factor in the incident.

Crime may have actually paid off for a gang of thugs who threw a milkshake into the face of a woman in Palo Alto, Calif. That’s because she responded by tossing her purse into their Range Rover — which contained $2,000. The incident took place before midnight on June 24, when the woman was walking down the street while the white Range Rover drove recklessly towards her.Sgt. Brian Philip told the website that one of the occupants allegedly threw a vanilla milkshake that struck the woman as she approached the corner.The woman attempted to get revenge by throwing her alligator skin purse at the passing vehicle, but, sadly for her, it went through an open window and landed in the car. If that wasn’t humiliating enough, the purse not only contained several personal items but also $2,000 in cash.

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
This entry was posted in Friday Fail Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s