The South African chimp sanctuary where a Texas graduate student was mauled by two chimpanzees last week is safe and has not changed its safety protocols in the wake of the accident, officials said today.”We still maintain that we are a safe facility,” Eugene Cussons, director at the Jane Goodall Institute Chimpanzee Eden near Johannesburg, said today on “Good Morning America.” “As far as our protocols go to ensure the safety of visitors coming here, it’s still the status quo.”Cussons was one of the first to respond to the calls for help Thursday after Andrew Oberle, a 26-year-old graduate student who had been spending his summer conducting research at the institute, was attacked by two chimpanzees after he stepped into a restricted area while leading a tour.His condition has been upgraded to stable.
What is the MOST AMERICAN CAR IN THE COUNTRY?! Cars.com just released their annual list of the “Most American” cars of the year….. and the “Most American” car of the year is . . . the Toyota Camry. The Ford F-150 finished second. The index is based on factors like car production in the U.S., domestic part usage, and U.S. sales. Well – check out the full list by clicking HERE!
If it stays this hot, expect to see a lot more people committing crimes like THIS in the name of COOLING OFF. Last week, 54-year-old Stan Nguyen of Daytona Beach, Florida had a hot weather crisis . . . his air conditioning unit broke. He called a repairman named Sean Hickman, and Sean went to his house Friday to fix it. Unfortunately, the unit was severely damaged. As Sean tried to explain that, Stan FLIPPED OUT, pulled a GUN on him, and said he couldn’t leave until he fixed it. To show he was serious, Stan tried to fire the gun at the ground, but the safety was on. So while he took it off, Sean made a run for it, hid behind his van, and called for help. Fortunately, no one was hurt in all this. Stan was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
In the June issue of “Archives of Sexual Behavior”, researchers from New Delhi, India wrote about a 24-year-old patient who gets, quote, “severe, exploding” headaches JUST from WATCHING PORNO. The headache would gradually develop over his first five minutes of watching and would peak around the eight-minute mark. He wouldn’t get the headaches during sex or when he self-touched without porno . . . JUST from watching. And since, ya know, NOT watching porno clearly wasn’t an option, he went to his doctor. They’re still running tests to figure out the cause of the headaches. For now, they’ve found that when he pops a few Tylenol and Advil before he watches porno, quote, “he reports significant pain relief.” The solution to headaches is aspirin. Well done, science.