Today’s HEADLINE HOOSHE introduces us to a Florida man who grabbed a sword and a peanut butter sandwich and tried to shut up some bitches that were making noise outside his trailer home. That right there alone puts you in the HOOSHE class.
If you thought the world was a weird place just wait’ll you hear today’s HEADLINE HOOSHE! 50-year-old Mark Christopher Miller of Florida is being accused of attacking 3 women outside his mobile home with a 4-foot sword … and a peanut butter sandwich. Oh, and then he ate a police car. Okay, not the ENTIRE police car. Apparently after he poked one of the women in the stomach with his sword — the woman who happened to be 6 months pregnant, natch — and smeared another woman’s “face and chest” with his peanut butter sandwich, the cops showed up and arrested him, as one might expect law enforcement officials to do. Then on the way to the Polk County Jail, Miller did something one might not expect a law, um, breaker like Miller to do … He reportedly ripped out some of the patrol car’s padding with his teeth. Miller was charged with aggravated assault, battery and criminal mischief. Um, so yeah. Our favorite part of the story…he claimed he attacked them because, “Them damn lesbians were banging on my trailer!”