GET THE $%^! OUTTA HERE or LEGIT (07/16/12) [AUDIO]

We’ve all heard stories that leave you with no words right? Some stories are just to amazing to be true. And by amazing we mean UNREAL! It leaves you with only one thing the say…and that is…GET THE F$#! OUTTA HERE!


A Grapevine, Texas, mother received a ticket for using profanity in an argument with another mother at a water park in front of children. Kristy Dugray, 34, said she was talking to a woman when another mother interrupted their conversation, instigating a heated argument requiring multiple officers to report to the water park. “I have a nice vocabulary,” Dugray said. “It just came out. I told her what I thought about her … She was telling me how awful I was and how I had a horrible heart inside and I was a terrible, ugly person inside. So I told her she was an ugly person on the outside.” “It’s just not the kind of language that we felt was appropriate,” Grapevine police Lt. Barry Bowling said. “The cursing was what was offensive to not only the victim but the bystanders.”

A two-year-old boy sat up in his coffin and asked for water before laying back down again lifeless, according to a Brazilian news website. In a case that seems almost too incredible to be true, ORM claimed that Kelvin Santos stopped breathing during treatment for pneumonia at a hospital in Belem, northern Brazil. He was declared dead at 7.40pm on Friday and his body was handed over to his family in a plastic bag. Two-year-old Kelvin Santos was declared dead on Friday after he stopped breathing during treatment for pneumonia. The child’s devastated family took him home where grieving relatives held a wake throughout the night, with the boy’s body laid in an open coffin. But an hour before his funeral was due to take place on Saturday the boy apparently sat up in his coffin and said: ‘Daddy, can I have some water?’. The boy’s father, Antonio Santos, said: ‘Everybody started to scream, we couldn’t believe our eyes. Then we thought a miracle had taken place and our boy had come back to life. ‘Then Kelvin just laid back down, the way he was. We couldn’t wake him. He was dead again.

BILL GATES has been a philanthropist for a long time now . . . but back in the day, he built Microsoft into one of the largest and most powerful companies in the world.  And he did it with some FLASHES OF GENIUS, like this. Apparently, Gates says he loved assigning the hardest and most challenging jobs to his LAZIEST employees . . . because he knew they’d figure out the quickest and easiest ways to get them done.  Brilliant.

Last September, 47-year-old Pauline Potter of Sacramento, California was named the World’s Heaviest Living Woman by the “Guinness Book of World Records”.  She achieved that by weighing in at 643 pounds. But in less than a year, she’s dropped 100 pounds . . . and she gives ALL the credit to ONE SPECIAL CHUBBY CHASER. Three years ago, her husband Alex . . . who weighs about 155 pounds . . . divorced her.  After she got the world record, he came CRAWLING BACK.  And now, Pauline is burning calories with him through MARATHON SEX SESSIONS. She says they have sex up to seven times a day, and she burns about 500 calories each time.  She also says they’ve figured out how to use MULTIPLE POSITIONS . . . even though ONE OF HER LEGS outweighs her ex-husband. She’s close to her temporary goal weight of 530 pounds . . . at that weight, she thinks she’ll be able to become more mobile.  To get there, she wants to keep having sex and, quote, “still eat Big Macs, but choose between fries or McNuggets.”

According to a new survey, the AVERAGE woman packs 28 different outfits for a one-week vacation. But . . . most of them say they try to change clothes four times a day on vacation, so they really do need that many options. 80% say they don’t end up wearing EVERYTHING they pack. 20% say they end up paying extra luggage fees, either because their suitcase is too heavy or they have to bring a whole extra suitcase for clothes. The average woman also says she’s had at least one argument with her male travel companion over packing.

Having a new baby is an exhausting experience . . . and not just for the ladies.    A survey by Britain’s Loughborough University found that most new dads are dangerously sleep-deprived when they drive their new baby home from the hospital.  58% of dads said they’d had five hours of sleep in the previous 48 hours when they drove their new baby home . . . and 10% had ONE hour of sleep or less. One in three new dads said they were so tired driving home that they were concerned for their safety . . . and one in four couldn’t even REMEMBER driving home. The survey’s authors suggested that new parents should have a friend or relative do the driving when they come home from the hospital . . . or, if dad has to drive, he should take a short nap beforehand.

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Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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