FRIDAY’S DISCOUNT NEWS

With today’s DISCOUNT NEWS we have a bunch of international stories.  Now, here is the funny thing.  We say INTERNATIONAL STORIES…but really…it’s just all stories from CHINA!

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Earlier this month, police in the Shandong Province in eastern China got a call about a woman drowning in a river.  So they set up a major rescue operation, and 18 COPS reported to the scene and worked together to rescue her. But when they fished her out, they found out it had all been for nothing . . . it wasn’t a woman drowning, it was actually an INFLATABLE LOVE DOLL. A police spokesman says the doll was, quote, “so similar in size and appearance to an adult female” that they were fooled. By the time they got the doll out, a crowd of more than 1,000 people had gathered to watch.  Apparently once the crowd started realizing what they were seeing, parents started covering their children’s eyes. There’s no word on who the doll originally belonged to or how she ended up in the river.

OK, this one comes from a not-so-reliable Chinese newspaper, so take it for what it’s worth. But it’s too good not to pass along. The story chronicles a fight between two beggars in Jinan, China. A FOOTLESS, BALD panhandler in his 50s got into a brawl with an ANGRY DWARF panhandler in his 40s . . . after the footless guy accused the dwarf of stealing from him. In the end, having no feet or hair led to physical superiority over dwarfism as the older beggar won the fight, took back his money, and stole the younger beggar’s DVD player. The police are investigating the entire incident.

Thieves stole a man’s penis while he slept, according to police. Fei Lin, 41, of the Niqiao village near Wenling City, in east China’s Zhejiang province, told police he was asleep when the thieves burst into his room and put a bag over his head. “They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off,” Lin said. “I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone.” Police believe the attackers were jealous lovers of several local women whom Lin was having affairs with. Lin denied taking part in any infidelity. Emergency workers and police searched for Lin’s anatomy but turned up nothing. The penis thieves are nowhere to be found, but police said they’re looking for the jealous lovers.

This Chinese farmer proved he was a real tough nut after walking around with a bullet lodged in his head for over two decades without even realizing. Wang Tianqing, from Zhangjiakouin in Hebei province, northern China, cheated death for 23 years before surgeons removed the rusty 2cm long rifle round pressing on his brain. Doctors only discovered the bullet after Mr Wang – who had suffered from epilepsy since being shot – went in complaining of more frequent fits. They said he is lucky to be alive to tell the tale. The surgeon who at Mr Wang’s local hospital who removed the bullet said Mr Wang was millimetres from death. ‘The bullet penetrated his skull and then stopped near his temple,’ said neurosurgeon Wang Zhiming. “If it had moved a bit further backward and to the right, he wouldn’t have survived.”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
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