MONDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

Today’s CRAP ON CELEBS has us chatting NBC’s coverage of the Olympics, Dane Cook in some trouble, and some other HOLLYWOOD news.  Plus, we chat about today’s CRAPPY BDAYS and the world famous PORNO BIRTHDAY!

Photobucket
Friday’s Opening Ceremony was the most-watched summer games kick-off in history. NBC said that 40.7 million people tuned in to the ceremony, which was conceived and directed by Slumdog Millionaire’s Danny Boyle. However, part of the Olympics opening ceremony in London on Friday night was a tribute to victims of the terror attack of July 7th, 2005 that killed 52 people. But if you were watching the show here in the U.S., you didn’t see it . . . because NBC cut away to an interview between RYAN SEACREST and MICHAEL PHELPS. In response to the backlash they got, an NBC spokesman said, quote, “Our programming is tailored for the U.S. audience.  It’s a tribute to [producer] Danny Boyle that it required so little editing.” NBC is also getting crap from people about tape-delaying MICHAEL PHELPS’ first event so they could show it during primetime, instead of airing it live. By the time it aired Saturday night, people already knew Phelps had come in FOURTH in the men’s 400-meter individual medley. And not just because of the Internet and social media.  The results of the race were on the evening news.  Yes, even on NBC itself. The race stared at 8:00 A.M. Eastern time.  But Americans had to watch an interview with their gymnastics team, while the rest of the world got to see the race.  (America’s Ryan Lochte won the gold, by the way…CHECK OUT THIS DOUCHE’S PICTURE TO THE RIGHT) Despite all the complaints, NBC’s primetime Olympic coverage Saturday night attracted 28.7 million viewers.  That made it the most-watched summer games opening night on record.

DANE COOK tried to make a joke about the “Dark Knight Rises” shooting during a gig at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles on Thursday night. Here’s what he saidWe’ve got the video below. After the clip hit the web, Dane quickly apologized . . . quote, “I am devastated by the recent tragedy in Colorado and did not mean to make light of what happened. “I made a bad judgment call with my material last night and regret making a joke at such a sensitive time.  My heart goes out to all of the families and friends of the victims.”

The cast of “Modern Family” has dropped their lawsuit and is back to work after settling their contract dispute. The “Hollywood Reporter” says that five of the adult stars . . . Ty Burrell, Julie Bowen, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet and Sofia Vergara . . . will receive $175,000 per episode for the upcoming fourth season. They’ll also get a small cut of the show’s profits, although it’s unclear how much that is. Their salaries will increase to around $350,000 an episode by the show’s eighth season.  ED O’NEILL had a higher pay scale than the other adult stars because he was the biggest “name” coming into the show.  But the new deal brings his salary “in line” with the rest of the cast.  However, he’s getting a bigger cut of the show’s profits. By the way, the show’s child actors are now renegotiating their contracts.

No matter how rich, sexy or famous you are, you’re probably just as screwed up as the rest of us.  Take OLIVIA MUNN for instance.  She suffers from anxiety . . . and the way she deals with it is to PULL OUT HER EYELASHES.  She says, quote, “I don’t bite my nails, but I rip out my eyelashes.  It doesn’t hurt, but it’s really annoying.  Every time I run out of the house, I have to stop and pick up a whole set of fake eyelashes.” This is actually a recognized condition.  It’s an “impulse control disorder” called Trichotillomania.  Sufferers can pull hair from any part of the body, but the eyebrows and lashes are the most common.

ABC has announced this fall’s “Dancing with the Stars” ALL-STAR cast. The cast includes SIX of the show’s 14 winners . . . including the FIRST FIVE champions.  -Kelly Monaco . . . who WON Season One Drew Lachey . . . who WON Season Two, Emmitt Smith . . . who WON Season Three, Apolo Ohno . . . who WON Season Four, Helio Castroneves . . . who WON Season Five, Shawn Johnson . . . who WON Season Eight and then Joey Fatone, Kirstie Alley, Bristol Palin, Pamela Anderson and a couple others.  The season premieres Monday, September 24th.

A U-Haul was spotted the other day outside ROBERT PATTINSON and KRISTEN STEWART’s house.  Last week we heard that Rob had moved out, even though the house is technically his.  Now there are reports that they’ve BOTH moved out, and they’re still not speaking. Meanwhile . . . a source says Rob wants to, quote, “have a man to man chat” with “Snow White and the Huntsman” director RUPERT SANDERS, to find out exactly what happened between him and Kristen. The source adds, quote, “He feels like he needs to know exactly what happened, how far it went and how many times, so he can figure out if this is something he can move past.  He’s not ready to talk with Kristen, it’s too painful, so he’s going to Rupert.”

MONDAY TV:
NBC: . . . all day on NBC and its sister networks.  Events include . . . U.S. beach volleyball, men’s synchronized diving, men’s gymnastics, women’s basketball, women’s volleyball, swimming and tennis.   XXX SUMMER OLYMPICS – Swimming, Gymnastics, Diving, Beach Volleyball.

FOX: HELLS KITCHEN is a repeat tonight

ABC:  BACHELOR PAD

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Arnold Schwarzenegger – 65
–Lisa Kudrow – 49
–Tom Green – 41
–Christine Taylor – 41  (Ben Stiller’s wife. She was in “Zoolander” and “Dodgeball”)
–Christopher Nolan – 42  (Director of “The Dark Knight Rises” )
–Vivica A. Fox – 48
–Laurence Fishburne – 51
–Simon Baker – 43  (“The Mentalist”.)
–Jaime Pressly – 35  (Joy on “My Name is Earl”)
–Hope Solo – 31  (Soccer chick)
–Terry Crews – 44  (“The Expendables” and the Dad on “Everybody Hates Chris)
–Hilary Swank – 38
–Bud Selig – 78 (Major League Baseball Commissioner)
–Delta Burke – 56
–William Atherton – 65  (Best known as EPA inspector Walter Peck in “Ghostbusters”, and reporter Richard Thornburg in “Die Hard”)


Sophia Lynn – 28 – Today’s birthday girl has been dominated more than whoever plays the Dream Team…in 51 fine films including:
“Pulp Friction”
“Gag Factor Volume 26”
“Lipstick Lesbo Volume 2”
“Internal Cumbustion Volume 12”
“Paste My Face Volume 16”
“Blasted Volume 1”
“Pantyhose Whores Volume 2”
“Monster Meat Volume 12”
“Muff Bumpers Volume 2”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s