With today’s PRICK BE TRIPPIN we talk about an ahole trying to swim from France to New York. A dude getting stabbed over butting in line at the Post Office. Someone blaming their tiny dong on their mom kicking in the balls…and a teacher…admits assaulting students…30 years later and gets busted!
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A 34-year-old British man, feeling inspired by the Olympics, decided to attempt a 3,594-mile swim from France to New York. The man was rescued by coast guards who managed to convince him that it was a terrible idea. Coastguards and lifeguards said they only let him go in the first place because they thought he was joking. The man swam 300 yards out to sea — the legal limit for swimmers — and then continued until they couldn’t see him anymore. At this point lifeguards sent for a helicopter to rescue him. A diver dropped down from the helicopter and convinced the man that it would be best to abandon his “trip,” then tossed him a line and towed him back to the beach. PRICK BE TRIPPIN!
A 67-year-old man in Maryland mistakenly thought that another guy had had cut in line at the post office, so he waited outside and then STABBED the guy. He was arrested a mile away, and the victim survived with serious injuries.
Last week in Tennessee, a woman posted a photo of MITT ROMNEY on her Facebook page. But her boyfriend didn’t recognize him and FLIPPED OUT. He thought she posted the photo because she was HAVING AN AFFAIR with the dude (Romney). They got into an argument, and he wasn’t buying it that the photo was of a guy running for president. So he ended up SMASHING her computer against a wall. She also says he HIT HER when she tried to keep him from doing that. Cops were called and he was arrested for domestic assault. PRICK BE TRIPPIN! And by the way, according to the police report, he’s 5-foot-8 . . . 310 pounds.
Last weekend in Pennsylvania, 32-year-old Robert White called the police to tell them he’d just beaten up his own mother. The reason? Quote, “She caused me to have a small penis.” Just to be fair….he wasn’t fully blaming genetics. He ALSO believes he has a small penis because his mother, quote, “kicked me in the balls when I was a baby.” The mother is recovering at the hospital. Robert has been charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, terroristic threats, and reckless endangerment. PRICK BE TRIPPIN.
A retired teacher from here in Saint Louis, 67-year-old Donald Ingerson decided to one day….out of the blue….make a phone call to the Saint Louis County Prosecutor to confess to sexually assaulting two female students. These two assaults happened about 20 years apart. The first one was a 16-year-old student around 1974. The second involved an assault on a 15-year-old around 1995. So Donald assumed that the statute of limitations had run out in both cases. He was wrong….on BOTH cases. He was arrested Monday morning, after he drove down from his house in Minnesota…he apparently had NO CLUE he was gonna to be charged when he got to town. Investigators contacted both victims….both ID’d Donald as the guy. The statute of limitations is 30 years, but the prosecutor said the clock begins ticking only after a minor becomes an adult. Saint Louis County police are urging any additional victims to come forward.