Today’s DISCOUNT NEWS has us talking about a CREEPER out in Shrewsbury who is apparently acting like a COP to get a little kissy kissy from some ladies. There are some BODY SNATCHERS in New Jersey.  Some chick gets robbed of her dildos.  And finally, a naked crackhead robber takes a shot to the chest!

There are ways of getting out of a traffic ticket. There’s crying, of course, and then there are … sexy ways. While that is definitely never OK, folks who consider this transaction worthwhile should take note — there is a fake cop on the loose, preying on that very predilection. According to the REAL Shrewsbury police, a woman was just driving away from a legit traffic stop for a broken headlight when she again saw flashing red and blue lights behind her. She pulled over a second time and got out of the car to show the officer that she’d just gotten a ticket.That’s when things got weird. The “officer” also got out of his car to hear the woman’s plea. His white Chevy Impala had no markings on the outside or lights on top of it. And though he wore a utility belt and gun on his hip, his uniform did not have any identifying patches on it. While the woman was talking, the mystery cop got in close and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then he went in for some full-blown mouth-to-mouth, but the woman refused. The man shrugged it off. “He said, ‘Well, you’ll be paying enough for this citation. You can leave,'” explains Shrewsbury Lt. Brian Catlett. Understandably confused, the woman and her boyfriend reported the incident the next day. After talking to real police, they discovered that no one in the department matched the description. “We’re not sure who this person is,” says Catlett. “We definitely know it’s not a Shrewsbury officer.”

Cult activity is suspected in the theft of a woman’s body from a southern New Jersey mausoleum. Pleasantville police say someone broke into a mausoleum at Greenwood Cemetery on Thursday night or Friday morning and stole the body of Pauline Spinelli. She died in 1996 at the age of 98. Police say the body may have been taken for use in some sort of ritual. This is a first for him after more than 20 years on the police force.

Here’s a good one…  A lady in Galesburg, Illinois came home to find out that she had been robbed.  But this was no ordinary robbery.  Instead of going for the electronics and jewelery, this guy grabbed a pink bag full of vibrators and dildos!  The bag also had some antibiotics in it.  The robbery is still under investigation.  Fortunately, the woman works at an adult toy store so she probably had plenty of on-hand replacements.

In Connecticut, a 67-year old came home to find a naked dude had broke into his house.  The old guy was attacked by the 25-year old upon entering.  He got bit in the arm and hit in the head.  He tried to fire off a warning shot but his gun jammed.  He got away from the robber and ran upstairs to call 911 and grab another gun.  When he came back downstairs, the naked robber was STILL there, trying to steal a TV.  Eventually the homeowner shot the guy in the chest.  He ran but police found him about 25 yards away.  After being rushed to the hospital the cops searched his nearby car and found crack cocaine.  Surprise, surprise!  The robber was last reported to be in critical condition.  Better luck next time crack-head!

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s