Maybe you have the perfect plan. It was set and good to go. Then all of sudden, almost out of no where, MEGA….UBER….ULTRA….FAILLLLL! You can read the stories, hear the audio, and watch the videos of ALL the FRIDAY FAIL STORIES!  Plus, listen to Rizz and his “voice of an angel” sing the Friday FAIL THEME SONG! It’s glorious!


London Mayor Boris Johnson’s recent zip-wire mishap may have been a public-relations fiasco at home, but it has won plaudits from a Chinese public unused to color in their leaders. The mayor was sailing down a zip line in London’s Victoria Park, two Union Jacks in hand, when he became stuck and “was left dangling inelegantly in front of a watching crowd,”

A lot of Americans think badminton is a pretty lame Olympic sport.  And THIS isn’t going to change their minds.     Badminton has a preliminary round . . . like basketball . . . to decide which teams go to the medal round.  It also determines the seedings for the medal round.   But by their last preliminary match on Tuesday, four women’s doubles teams had already clinched a spot in the medal round:  Two from South Korea, one from Indonesia, and the defending world champions from China. And they all figured that they’d face an easier opponent to open the medal round if they LOST their last preliminary match. So, all four teams went out and tried to LOSE on purpose.  They hit serves into the net, and generally made no effort to win.  Even worse, two of the teams were playing EACH OTHER . . . which resulted in an incredibly lame match. And the fans in the arena figured it out.  They started booing and demanded a refund.  Yesterday, Olympic officials sent all four teams HOME. The disqualified teams were Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang of China . . . the current world champions . . . Greysia Polii and Meiliana Jauhari of Indonesia, Jung Kyung Eun and Kim Ha Na of South Korea, and Ha Jung Eun and Kim Min Jung of South Korea.  The Chinese Olympic delegation said it “fully respects” the decision to punish its two players and said it would carry out its own investigation.  The South Koreans and Indonesians are appealing the decision.

A man in Rizz’s homestate of Jersey is lucky to be alive after trying to steal overhead rail wires on a New Jersey Transit line and not realizing they were electrified.  FAIL!

This happened back in January, but the report just came out now. On January 19th, 50-year-old Carla Jean Jellison of Anoka, Minnesota wanted to bake cookies with her grandson. But she either couldn’t afford the ingredients, or just didn’t want to pay for them. So she decided to SHOPLIFT what she needed from Kmart. Carla watches a LOT of “Cops”, and used the tips she picked up from seeing shoplifters on the show. Specifically, lining her purse with tinfoil so she wouldn’t set off the sensors. But there was a flaw in her master plan. A security guard SAW her putting butter and chocolate chips in her purse, and stopped her as she tried to walk out of the store. He also found a Sonicare toothbrush in her purse that she’d stolen. Carla was going to sell it to a neighbor. Carla was arrested and charged with one count of theft and one count of possession of shoplifting gear. Sadly, “Cops” was not filming an episode in Anoka when she was arrested.

Earlier this year, 24-year-old David Monteith of Londonderry, in Northern Ireland, got out of prison.  And the next day, he decided to ROB a guy.  But his only available weapon was a bottle of vodka. So he approached a random man from Bulgaria on the street and threatened to hit him with the bottle if the man didn’t hand over his cash, phone, and watch. Instead, the Bulgarian man PUNCHED David in the face . . . AND STOLE THE VODKA.  Then he ran off. David chased him, demanding the vodka back . . . but police stopped him and arrested him. David was sentenced to two years in prison for attempted robbery.

A guy in Washington state broke into a house to steal shotguns, but got caught when he used a riding mower as a getaway.  FAIL.

We’ve heard stories about criminals accidentally pocked-dialing 911 and getting busted because of it.  This guy somehow managed to pull that off in an even MORE embarrassing way. Early Sunday morning, 34-year-old William Rizzolo Junior of Spotswood, New Jersey was drunk and asleep.  While he slept, he rolled over onto his cell phone . . . and somehow managed to call 911. The police reported to the scene, and when they got there, William’s parents answered the door.  Yes, he’s 34 and lives at home. They told the cops William must’ve called 911.  And when the cops went to his room they saw a duffel bag open with HALF A POUND of REEFER and some illegal prescription drugs inside. So, because William accidentally rolled onto his phone, he was arrested and charged with marijuana possession and intent to distribute.


A guy with counterfeit bills was busted in Arizona when someone noticed that he was using $100 bills with Abraham Lincoln…not Benjamin Franklin

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live:
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