MONDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

Today’s CRAP ON CELEBS has us chatting about the ROAST of Roseanne Barr and we chat about the rain delay at Lolla really pissing some people off.  Plus, we have today’s CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS and the WORLD FAMOUS porno birthday!  See it all!

Photobucket
Consider this a LESSON LEARNED from all the incidents involving outdoor music festivals and dangerous weather over the past year. On Saturday, Day Two of Lollapalooza was evacuated, after organizers heard warnings that a bad thunderstorm was approaching the Chicago area. Somewhere between 60,000 and 100,000 fans were told to leave Grant Park to take shelter in one of several underground parking structures. A serious thunderstorm DID hit . . . and after two-and-a-half hours, Lollapalooza resumed with an updated line-up that went 45 minutes later than the original schedule.  Still, there wasn’t time for everybody, so “about six or seven bands” didn’t get to play. The festival did NOT offer any refunds. Obviously, fans weren’t thrilled about all this . . . especially since the evacuation was announced at 3:30 P.M., when the skies were still somewhat sunny.  But it does look like it got pretty bad. Lux was there interviewing a bunch of different bands……we’ll have that stuff posted on 1057thepoint.com.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

CHECK OUT LUX w/ Jack White:

Comedy Central’s roast of ROSEANNE BARR taped in Hollywood Saturday night . . . and although it won’t air until next Sunday night, some highlights from it have already hit the Internet.  Here’s a rundown: For starters, Roseanne’s ex TOM ARNOLD DID show up.  It was played off as a surprise, but Roseanne admitted afterwards that she knew it was happening. Tom and Roseanne aren’t on speaking terms . . . and he claimed they hadn’t been in the same room in 18 YEARS . . . but he DID have at least one roast jab.  He said, quote, “Rosie, this is true . . . she actually had ‘Property of Tom Arnold’ tattooed on her hip, which made me the fourth largest property owner in California.” Overall, “Entertainment Weekly” reports that it was a TAME roast . . . but there were some good lines.  Here are a few of the best: WAYNE BRADY said, quote, “Roseanne, it’s been said that you stole SAM KINISON’S style:  You’re fat, loud and you died in the ’90s.  Bad marriages, mental illness, plus, you look like Roseanne . . .you’re oversized, beat up, and you reek of marijuana.  You’re kind of like WILLIE NELSON’S tour bus.  Except people still wanna ride that.” SETH GREEN said, quote, “[Roseanne] has enough money NOT to work.  But she still does a TV show every few years to punish the rest of us.  You’ve even had two reality shows, which is a lot for someone who is completely out of touch with reality.”  Other roasters included Carrie Fisher, Katey Sagal and comedian Jeffrey Ross.  Jane Lynch was the host.  Two former “Roseanne” stars also showed up . . . Lecy Goranson, who played Becky #1 and Michael Fishman, who played D.J.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

That being said…….the roast itself may have been tame, but comedian JEFFREY ROSS brought some “controversy” to the night…..showing up dressed as Penn State football coach JOE PATERNO . . . and he was escorted by two young-looking boys, who were wearing nothing but football helmets and towels tied around their waists.  He stayed in his Joe Pa costume throughout the taping, but the “boys” DIDN’T join him onstage.  But that’s not all.  During the roast, Jeffrey joked about the tragic movie theater massacre in Colorado.  The comments were directed at SETH GREEN, who has red hair, just like the shooter.  Jeffrey said, quote, “Congratulations.  This is actually a really big night for you.  You haven’t gotten this much attention since you shot all those people in Aurora.” Then he added, quote, “I’m kidding!  You’re not like James Holmes.  At least he’s doing something in a movie theater that people remember.”  The jokes were reportedly met with “a mix of boos and a scattering of slow applause” from the crowd.

   

Here’s your update on ROBERT PATTINSON and KRISTEN STEWART:  Kristen has been staying with a friend of hers, and she’s not doing well. She hasn’t showered or changed or washed her hair in several days, acting like a heartbroken teenager.  She is crying her eyes out non-stop and does not want to communicate with anyone. She’s laying around in her T-shirt and shorts and eating ice cream.  She really wants to believe that she can win back Rob, but I think deep down she knows that isn’t the case. Meanwhile, Rob made his first public appearance on Friday night….going out to a bar with some friends….and by all accounts….NOT moping, NOT drunk…just having a good time…..and NO DOUBT pulling HELLA sympathy vag.

Things apparently aren’t going too well for BRIGITTE NIELSEN these days.  On Saturday, she was stumbling around a public park in Los Angeles, chain-smoking and drinking from a bottle of Popov vodka. Eventually, she passed out in the grass.  (Or she fell asleep.  When you’re pounding vodka out of the bottle, there can be a fine line between the two.)  Brigitte was on the reality show “The Surreal Life” in 2004.  Then she did that show “Strange Love” with her reality-TV boyfriend FLAVOR FLAV, before hitting the obvious next stop on the VH1 reality train:  “Celebrity Rehab”. She did a stint in legit, non-VH1-sponsored rehab in 2007.  She’s 49 years old. In recent years, she’s been doing European reality shows, including foreign versions of “Dancing With the Stars” and “I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here”. Sad.

    

NATALIE PORTMAN got married over the weekend……to her baby-daddy BENJAMIN MILLEPIED. They had a Jew ceremony. “Us Weekly” claims MACAULAY CULKIN was among the 100 guests.  If the “National Enquirer” is to be believed, Macaulay is on death’s door thanks to an addiction to heroin and powerful painkillers. There’s no word what his condition was at the wedding.

For all his whining that jail was going to ruin him physically, FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR. got out Friday night and he looks like he’s still in top physical condition….we got a photo on today’s show blog. Floyd served two months of a three-month sentence for domestic violence.  He got out early thanks to good behavior, but he still has some community service to complete.

LINDSAY LOHAN and CHARLIE SHEEN are expected to star in “Scary Movie 5”.  Lindsay hasn’t officially signed on, but every entertainment website is reporting that it’s a done deal. Charlie was in the third and fourth installments.  He was killed off in “Scary Movie 4” . . . but that obviously doesn’t matter in a series like this. The only other person confirmed for the movie at this point is ASHLEY TISDALE, who’s new to the franchise.  ANNA FARIS, who has starred in every previous installment, made the wise choice to move on.

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Soleil Moon Frye – 36  (“Punky Brewster”)
–M. Night Shyamalan – 42  (Writer / Director of “The Sixth Sense”, “Unbreakable”, “Signs”, “The Village”)
–Adrianne Curry – 30  (She LOVES to post nude pictures of herself on Twitter)
–David Robinson – 47  (Former NBA star for the San Antonio Spurs)
–Geri Halliwell – 40  (Ginger Spice.)


Asia Carrera – 39  – Believe it or not…..Despite having her brains F’d out in 400 fine films…..today’s birthday girl is also a member of MENSA.  Some of her credits include:
“Asian Chow Down”
“Waterworld: The Enema Movie”
“Leather Bound Dykes from Hell”
“Bangcock Boobarella”
”Nude World Order”
“China Vagina”
“The Anal Adventures of Susie Super Slut”
“Say Aloha to My Ahola”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s