Today’s DISCOUNT NEWS has us talking about some sexy time in the news. A woman is topless and driving.  A woman in China is using a BLOWUP DOLL to stop speeders. An old couple is getting it on in public, and Pentagon employees are looking at PORN?!

This woman got arrested and we don’t want to glorify that . . . but she’s one of the top candidates right now for GIRLFRIEND OF THE YEAR.  We should all be so lucky. On Saturday night, police tried to pull over 35-year-old Mandy Ramsey of Fort McCoy, Florida.  She wouldn’t stop her car . . . and ended up leading them on a HIGH SPEED CHASE. The reason?  It turns out Mandy was driving TOPLESS . . . because she was on her way to her boyfriend’s house to surprise him.  Which is amazing.  But she didn’t want the cops to see her breasts . . . so she decided to speed off. During the chase she ran a stop sign and hit a tree . . . but STILL managed to lose the cops. They tracked her down two hours later in her boyfriend’s trailer park.  She admitted she caused the chase because she was topless, and Mandy was arrested for fleeing and eluding law enforcement.


On Wednesday, in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, 76-year-old James Harsey and 64-year-old Audra Rodriguez were HAMMERED DRUNK and in a public park.  And they decided to GET-IT-ON in the bushes. According to the police report, an officer found them surrounded by, quote, “several bottles of vodka” and with James’s, quote, “head between [Audra’s] legs.” Audra was completely bottomless, with her shorts around her ankles.  James was fully clothed.  They were both arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct and public intoxication.

Right now, there are people in underground bunkers somewhere on high alert, watching JUST IN CASE missiles are launched at our country.  At least we hope they’re on alert, and not taking their eyes off North Korea to watch the newest videos on YouPorn. Bloomberg News just got their hands on a memo the Pentagon sent to its missile defense staff last week, telling them to STOP WATCHING PORNO at work. It reads, quote, “There have been instances of employees and contractors accessing websites, or transmitting messages, containing pornographic or sexually explicit images.” They’re threatening to pull the security clearances, suspend, or possibly even fire anyone who’s caught checking out porno sites at work. Beyond just distracting the staff from watching for missiles, there’s an extra danger too. Some porno sites could contain viruses or malware that give hackers access to the computers . . . and we definitely DON’T want random people getting a look at our Department of Defense hard drives.

Football and basketball players at Browerville High School were repeatedly sexually assaulted by teammates in showers, elevators and hotel rooms, according to criminal charges that have authorities puzzled that the attacks continued for months without anyone complaining or investigating. The charges against two recent graduates filed in Todd County District Court Thursday describe a series of assaults that began after a team practice last summer and culminated in incidents of sexual penetration in a Minneapolis hotel during the state basketball tournament in March. An attorney for one of the young men said his client has been singled out for prosecution for doing something that also was done to him, as well as “100 kids from the past 20 years.” Seth J. Kellen, 18, of Browerville, and Connor S. Burns, 18, of Clarissa remain free pending court appearances scheduled for Aug. 20. Five criminal complaints charge Kellen with numerous assaults on multiple victims, some in their early teens. In several instances, the attacks took place inside the central Minnesota high school. Kellen is charged with both felonies and misdemeanors, including third-degree criminal sexual conduct involving penetration and indecent exposure in a public setting. Burns is charged with six counts of criminal sexual conduct, four of them felonies and two gross misdemeanors. The most serious is third-degree criminal sexual conduct involving penetration. County Attorney Chuck Rasmussen said this case is not viewed as hazing because “the victims included seniors, and there’s no reason for hazing seniors. Also, the victims said it didn’t feel like a hazing situation.”

About war1057

Woody and Rizzuto: Insensitivity Training For A Politically Correct World. Class is in session Mon-Fri 6am-10am (central). Stream live: http://1057thepoint.com
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s