In today’s CRAP ON CELEBS we chat about a sad day in the music industry as a legend has a stroke. Also, Guns N Roses is back at it again by being total doucheturds. Plus, we have today’s CRAPPY BDAYS and the world famous PORNO BDAY!
Terrible news to report today: EDUARD KHIL is fighting for his life after suffering a stroke. Who is Eduard Khil, you ask? He’s the TROLOLO GUY from YouTube! If that doesn’t help, he’s a Russian entertainer who became a GLOBAL SENSATION a few years ago, when a video of him singing a bizarre, wordless song on a 1976 TV show hit YouTube. The original upload has more than 12 MILLION views. Khil was already well-known in Russia, but his popularity got a little jolt after the video went viral, and he was asked to appear on various shows in his home country. Sadly, doctors say that even if he survives, Khil most likely suffered PERMANENT brain damage.
MAROON 5 singer ADAM LEVINE has nailed his share of ladies. His alleged conquests include, but are not limited to, Kirsten Dunst, Lindsay Lohan, Maria Sharapova and Paris Hilton. But is Adam a HE-WHORE? Not if you ask him. He says, quote, “There are two kinds of men. There are men who are [effing] misogynist pigs, and then there are men who really love women, who think they’re the most amazing people in the world. And that’s me. Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much.” He adds that taking one of the judges’ spots on “The Voice” was an opportunity for people to see him as more than just a “bimbo”. So how did Adam become so sensitive and caring toward women? By growing up in a household with three females and a gay brother. He says, quote, “Just the estrogen alone . . . You know when you’re 14 and terrified to talk to a girl? I didn’t suffer much from that. It seemed very natural to me to talk to girls.”
DIDDY’S son JUSTIN COMBS has received a scholarship to play football for UCLA. Now, most people are calling it a full ride, and saying it’s worth $54,000. But if you look at UCLA’s admissions page, it seems like a full ride could end up costing a lot more than $54,000. And that’s got some people upset, because he obviously doesn’t NEED it. Diddy has made an estimated $45 MILLION over the past year alone, according to Forbes.com. Here’s how the school defended its decision . . . quote, “Unlike need-based scholarships, athletic scholarships are awarded to students strictly on the basis of their athletic and academic ability, and not on a student’s financial need. “Athletic scholarships, such as those awarded to football or basketball players, do not rely on state funds.” There’s no word from Diddy on the “controversy”.
Guns N’ Roses have done it again: the current Axl Rose-led version of the band did not take the stage at the Manchester Arena in Manchester, England until after 11:00 p.m. — the actual curfew for the show to end — on Tuesday night. The band played its full, three-hour show, but most fans didn’t stick around to see the whole thing. By the end, there were reportedly only 6,000 fans scattered around the 16,000-seat venue. Many fans took to Twitter to voice their anger toward the band one fan called “Goons N’ Losers.”
“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” was recently delayed from June 29th to March 29th of next year. That’s NINE MONTHS. The official reason given was that they wanted to convert the movie to 3D. But sources now say it’s really because test audiences were unhappy to see CHANNING TATUM’S character Duke get killed off in the first few minutes. So they’re doing re-shoots to keep him around. Interestingly enough, this has happened before. In the 1987 animated flick “G.I. Joe: The Movie”, they killed off Duke. But then they changed their minds, and added some dialogue to keep him alive.
The biggest unanswered question about “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” has been answered: CHRISTINA APPLEGATE is on board. That’s according to DAVID KOECHNER, who plays sportscaster Champ Kind. He adds, quote, “It’s set around the advent of the 24-hour news channel. They’re writing a script right now so no specific details.”
When STEVEN SPIELBERG re-released “E.T.” in 2002 to celebrate its 20th anniversary, he pulled a GEORGE LUCAS and changed some things. Most notably, he added some computer animation to E.T.’s face and he digitally took the guns out of the cops’ hands and replaced them with walkie-talkies. Well, Spielberg regretted making those changes, and now he’s making up for them. “E.T.” is coming out on Blu-ray in October to mark its 30th anniversary . . . and it’s the ORIGINAL movie.
THIS IS HILARIOUS! THE DARK KNIGHT RISES….as told be sausages:
–Clint Eastwood – 82
–Lea Thompson – 51 (Loraine McFly in “Back to the Future”)
–Darryl “D.M.C.” McDaniels – 48 (Run-D.M.C.)
–Colin Farrell – 36
–Phil Keoghan – 45 (Host of “The Amazing Race”)
–Tom Berenger – 63
–Brooke Shields – 47
–Joe Namath – 69
–Susie Essman – 57 (Susie, Jeff’s abrasive, cursing wife on “Curb Your Enthusiasm”)
–Corey Hart – 50 (Remember “Sunglasses At Night”? Remember the ’80s? Corey Hart does!)
–Chris Elliott – 52 (“Something About Mary” and the old Fox sitcom “Get A Life” which included several episodes that ended with him DYING.)
Tanner Mayes – 23 – Today’s birthday girl has seen more nuts than a mental hospital…….in 146 fine films including:
“This Girl Sucks Volume 1″
“Wheel of Debauchery Volume 5″
“Facial Fest Volume 2”
“Unplanned Orgies Volume 5″
“Queen of the Strap-On Volume 2″
“Jailbait Volume 6”
“EFF My Mom And Me Volume 6”
“My Stepdaughter Tossed My Salad”